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"Yeah, turned fuck me eyes! You two were sexing each other up over here. I couldn't watch, but I had to watch, ya know? Sparks were flying, I swear to the Goddess."
Elias scoffed. His friend's ranting brought him back to himself, at least a little. "There were no huge sparks. Calm down."
"There were, but we don't have to talk about that. You know what I want to know?"
Sel towered over him when they stood side by side, all lanky and tanned with those beach boy waves and sweet smiles. He used their width to push through the crowd until they could break out onto the street. It was past six o'clock now, so Hamton was winding down. Few suits walked the business district anymore, and those who did were unwilling to accept an apology for a slight shoulder bump.
Across the street, a man was angrily yelling at his assistant on the phone, likely disturbed by a group of loud teenagers passing by. The man growled and snapped his teeth, shutting them up. Another alpha woman was smoking a cigarette outside of Ivory Tower, an invitation-only club for elites. Every time someone walked past, she'd flick ash in their direction with a wolfish smirk.
Assholes, Elias thought with a shake of his head. Every one of them.
Elias leaned towards Sel for a moment, and Sel responded by embracing him tightly under one arm. Nevertheless, he understood that Sel was fully prepared to question him for explanations regarding the disordered encounter. Elias was just glad he wasn't aware of everything that had gone on over the past eight hours.
"What do you want to know?" he asked, holding Sel tightly around the middle with one arm and chasing the fading sunlight across the pavement with his gaze.
The search for comfort didn't deter him. Sel bulldozed forward in the conversation, just like he always did. While the guy was cheeky, his social cues were lacking sometimes. Or maybe Sel just didn't care for them and said what needed to be said, regardless. Either way, it was one reason Elias was friends with him. He liked realism, no matter how much he avoided it.
"Why were you with a rando, too-good-smelling-to-be-true alpha again if they always hurt you? It's stupid, is what it is! No, wait," he paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What I meant to say is that every other alpha besides Ian has hurt you, so why can't you just let him be the one to save you?"
Sel wrapped both arms around his shoulders for one big squeeze after he said so, holding it. Elias nearly purred at the sensation, dropping his head to Sel's shoulder for ten counts before pushing off.
"My pheromones make my partners, and me, go crazy after a while," Elias sighed, standing to his full height and glaring up. Sel opened his lips to protest, so he surged forward, giving the rest of his spiel for what seemed like the ten thousandth time. "Look… He's a great guy, maybe even the right guy. I'm the one that isn't, okay? I'm not good for people who try to love me. I'm too damaged, and that sucks, but I'm over it."
Sel gave him a serious look, eyes sad. "No, you're not."
Elias whirled back toward the parking garage his car was in rather than responding, trudging down the street alone.
Chapter Seven
After heat weekend spent hiding in his room, the next few days crawled by without Ian or any surprising alpha encounters. The presence that was in the air had vanished. He reached a state of relative peace, despite the turmoil of his inner demons. They were bad right now. Delving their claws into his thoughts and infecting them with an abundance of anxiety.
Elias was concerned that the alpha he had slept with might contact him and propose a partnership, just like Levi did. He couldn't handle another guy getting up and leaving him swirling with desire in the middle of a coffee shop with no remorse or concern.
He understood why the alpha left, though. He was trying to establish a sense of trust they didn't have. Levi wanted their relationship to be a choice on Elias' part, and he didn't know what to make of it.
He still hadn't texted him.
The dilemma, although small in scale, connected to a much broader and more complex issue. Ian was what made Elias wring himself out with guilt and shame for the things he said, harsh as they were, but truthful all the same. Did they ruin their friendship for good? Was Ian dodging him at home because of it, or was this simply their usual varying schedule?
Ian still made him lunch each morning with brief notes attached, telling him to have a good day at work. He still left a change of clothes on the bathroom counter for when Elias got home and ached for a steaming hot shower. The gray sweatpants and black Hamton Province Hospital sweatshirt for today were huge and smelled of Ian, fueling him with even more guilt.
Elias groaned, flopping back on the couch with his usual Wednesday night bucket of popcorn and ten blankets. Ian wasn't here, and honestly, he didn't expect him to come. What were they supposed to say to one another now? Everything was out in the open, overwhelmingly so, like a raw wound.
He grabbed the remote and launched an app to scroll through the options. Elias wanted to watch an emotional thriller tonight. Something with high stakes and cry-worthy relationships. Maybe he'd find relief after crying his eyes out.His head hurt from an unsatisfying heat where nothing felt right.
"No," he muttered, scrolling past a romantic comedy. "No, no, no."
Three more popped up, and then a Victorian bodice-ripper romance that made him pause before scrolling past again. Elias didn't need to be horny on top of everything else, and the lead looked hot. Like, well, bodice-ripping hot.
"I'm hopeless," he declared to no one, slowly shrinking into the nest he'd created on the couch. "A thriller, just find a thriller."
The blankets were a well-wrapped cocoon around him to his chin. He ached for Ian's pheromones, but he'd run out a few days ago, leading him to this moment. The nest was here; he was here, but the alpha? Nowhere to be found. Well, not nowhere, per se, as he was probably working a double in the ER, but Ian certainly wasn't here.
Elias could admit to missing him. A lot. Maybe too much. His scent bloomed, coating the room in a haze of sweet nature. Because Ian had been gone, he took advantage of the opportunity to detox from the suppressants. If he didn't, they'd eat a hole through his liver and stomach.
He groaned, his stomach pulsing with leftover longing. Comfort was what he needed. He could ignore the rest, right? Elias curled in on himself, cursing Ian's name as his scent soured with distress.
Before, even if they worked separately, they'd see each other in passing and hug or shoot the shit. It was painless and perfect in a way Elias wished all relationships could be. But he'd ruined it with his yelling, or Ian had ruined it with his questions.
