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He trailed off, his voice growing so soft and defeated it was impossible not to notice it. He didn't want to see the alpha's reaction. Pity was expected, but unwelcome. Interest was even worse, and compassion again? Fuck, Elias couldn't look at it.
"So, you're afraid that being with alphas, especially more than one, would end in disaster. Am I on the right track?"
Elias glanced at him out of the corner of his eye just briefly. Levi was leaning forward again, the mug covering the lower half of his face, but his eyes were open and curious. Not sexually or with fascination, like the alphas of his past. Levi didn't claim he was the one man capable of weathering the storm, which shocked him. Everyone else he told thought so.
"Yes," Elias replied, voice small.
"Has it happened multiple times?"
Elias gulped, keeping the door on those memories locked shut. He'd learned long ago that dwelling on them made him obsess in a never-ending loop of dread and anxiety. Glancing behind him, experiencing a shiver across moist skin, and with a stomach swirling so strongly that eating became difficult.
August was the one that told him to lock the memories away. To envision a heavy steel door in his mind, shove them all behind it, and slam it shut while throwing out the key. For the initial few months, it was a futile endeavor, but the more he engaged in it, the more his well-being improved. Now, functioning was easier despite all that'd happened to him.
"I don't want to talk about that," he replied, taking a small sip of his coffee no matter how much his stomach roiled. "It was a long time ago."
"I understand."
Levi let the silence stretch again, allowing Elias to spool himself back in or speak his mind if he wanted to. He found it surprising that he somewhat, kind of, wanted Levi to be more informed. Not about the abuse, but about the aftermath.
Then he'd understand why Elias wasn't worth the effort.
"I have scars," he said, lips barely moving.
Levi's foot slid under the table to brush against his, comforting him but saying nothing. Elias let the words keep coming, filling him up with something akin to confidence as his body burned. Sweat coated the back of his neck, but he ignored it in favor of the rare chance to just be.
"They're on my back and thighs. Claws or teeth raking the skin, tearing flesh and digging into bone. I can still feel it, sometimes, in my nightmares. Even in the thrall of heat, the pain had been unbearable."
Levi inhaled sharply. "They injured you that badly?"
Elias shrugged, finally turning to face him again. Levi looked positively livid on his behalf, which was nice, but unnecessary. The reason he hardly revealed his past was because those who heard about it had a desire for retribution. He knew that wasn't possible, and Elias didn't particularly want it, either. Not when the idea of it made him tired.
"Most were mild, but the worst of my scars are from someone in particular. They span the entirety of my inner thighs, bites that tore the flesh so badly I needed tissue transplants."
Levi leaned in, eyes flashing. "Who?"
"No one anymore. He's dead."
Levi harrumphed and sat back, lips pulling down at the corners. "Good, then I don't have to be arrested for murder."
"Alphas are all the same, deep down," Elias huffed with a laugh, which held no humor. "You all want to protect until it kills the person in need of it."
Levi's silence was fine, because Elias had finished talking. He'd run out of steam and needed to get home before he collapsed and this fever became too noticeable to those around him. He stood, slowly, while gripping onto the edge of the table. This conversation decided for him, reminding Elias of everything he stood to go through again.
Levi stood as well, blocking his path to the exit and towering over Elias like a skyscraper. It gave them the illusion of privacy as the alpha's gaze grew soft, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. Elias caught it before Levi could experience the extent of his rising temperature. The sweat was pooling along his lower back now; not a good sign.
"Elias, you, of all people, are the last person who needs protection," Levi said, emphasizing the irony. "I simply want to care for you."
Elias still held Levi's wrist in one hand, hovering between them. "You don't even know me."
Levi cocked his head, dark eyes glimmering and open. "Tell me honestly, do you feel it? The attraction, the pull?"
Elias' cheek twitched at the question. Of course he felt it! Every time he was in a room with another eligible alpha, his body reacted. The only way to conceal what his omega had become was through the prolonged use of suppressants. Wanting things to the extreme had become second nature to him, a result of the countless years he poured into it.
No alpha deserved to deal with that.
"I do, but that's not enough, at least not for me. You might handle me now, but my heat…"
He trailed off, wincing and looking away.
