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"Fine, I believe you," he mumbled. "I'm not worried about the trip or the other pack. I'm worried about what could happen when my mating pheromones break out. There aren't enough suppressants in the world to keep them at bay."
Ian pressed him closer still. "I'm worried about that too, if only for your safety. We can skip this one by leaving as soon as your heat starts."
As much as that would ease Elias' out-of-control anxiety, it wouldn't solve any problems. It would only prolong them. He shook his head.
"No, I want you there. We have to understand, right? It's no use in dragging anything out that won't work."
The last few words barely squeaked out, leaving Elias raw and uncertain. Was he really worried about the heat, or was this worry more than that? Sure, he hated pain and didn't want to go through the horrific experiences of his past again, but he was so much more terrified now. It was like someone took a wrench and cranked the level up to twenty-five without his knowledge.
Was he… afraid of losing them?
That had never happened before.
He nuzzled closer to Ian, scent marking the alpha's throat just for emotional relief. It was a knee-jerk reaction to the thought of never seeing Ian or any of the others ever again. He'd cut off assholes many times, but men he actually respected and liked? That was a whole different ball game.
"I won't tell you to stop worrying because that would be stupid of me, and insensitive," Ian said, cupping the back of Elias' head and ruffling his curls. "But I will say that out of everyone I've seen you with, these men are inherently kind and I'd like to think I am, too. Logically, wouldn't that alter our reactions? If we want to cherish you as alphas, not just people, then that instinct should carry through to mating."
Elias could kiss Ian right now. That reasoning was solid and completely sound. He'd been with bad people, he could admit that.
He deflated with a shake of his head. "You're right."
"Then why do you seem so upset about it?"
"Over the past six years, I've been terrified of stepping into a relationship with anyone. But the one hurting me was myself all along. How stupid is that?"
Ian held him tighter, squeezing him so close Elias squeaked a bit. "People do whatever they can to find solace in their situation. That doesn't make it right or healthy, but it's a part of the journey. You do what you have to to survive. It's as simple as that."
"And I made you watch me destroy myself…"
Rather than respond, Ian grabbed Elias' shoulders and pushed him away enough so they could lock eyes. His alpha's halcyon eyes were so bright through the darkness, like a beacon drawing him forward. Just as they'd always been.
"The past is the past," Ian said firmly. "All we can do now is move forward together, and that means taking leaps even when you're afraid."
Elias nodded, biting his lower lip.
"Yeah," he sighed.
Ian brought him in for a side hug and led them both back inside, closing the balcony slider behind them. "Now, let's make a super-early breakfast together before the other guys arrive. I want one-on-one Elias time."
Levi provided them with a huge black SUV with tinted windows for their trip to West Sagefield. Apparently, his alpha was a bit of a car enthusiast, and the garage Elias saw on the property the other day was full of them. Sports cars, vintage cars, trucks, and collector edition models… Each one claimed to be more impressive than the last. He'd have to see it to believe it. What he was seeing now, however, was one hundred percent factual—he had one of the hottest alphas on the planet.
He watched Dane's muscles flex as he loaded up the back of the car with their luggage, curtesy of Ian heaving them down the stairs earlier. He refused to let Elias carry anything other than his pills, phone, wallet, and nesting blankets. He couldn't go without them so close to his heat. He dumped the pile of fluff on the seat, resigning himself to pampering. Ian was still upstairs making a take-away lunch for the four of them so they wouldn't have to stop.
"Is this not big enough?" Levi worried, one hand on his chin.
Elias cuffed him across the shoulder. "Of course it's big enough! There's four of us and it has three rows of seats."
Dane slammed the trunk closed and came to stand on Elias' other side. Both alphas were looking at the SUV critically, as if they could change its shape magically with their eyes.
"Maybe we should take two cars."
Elias threw up his hands. "We are not taking two cars. I'm going to lie across the backseat with my head in someone's lap and the other two are going to sit up front. Easy peasy."
Levi pressed his lips together with a sigh. "Fine, if you're sure you'll be comfortable. But now I'm regretting volunteering to drive first. I want your cute head in my lap."
Elias blushed lightly and glanced away, grumbling. "Stop saying weird things."
Dane bumped his shoulder into his. "Can I claim the spot if it's open?"
