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“Sure. Do you still have it the same? So sweet just looking at it will leave you with tooth decay?” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I do,” I laughed, shocked he’d even remembered such a trivial detail about me. “Load me up with all the sugar you have please.”
“Coming right up.” He got up and walked away. I followed him with my eyes as he headed into an open plan kitchen area which was off to my left. As he busied himself making coffee I took the opportunity to look around the room I sat in. It really was beautiful. It was a huge space with wide windows at the front, and a wall of huge glass doors all across the back, which obviously opened out onto the yard. The kitchen was modern and filled with shiny looking appliances. The tiles on the wall and floor were dark and contrasted perfectly with the bright white cabinets and pale gray countertops.
The room I sat in – the living room – was also decorated in shades of grey, with white accessories and furniture. The leather sectional was black, and before the vast modern fireplace sat two high backed armchairs. An enormous television was mounted on the wall opposite me and the floors all around were polished oak. Off to the side sat a dining table to seat six. Soft rugs separated the different areas and there were framed photographs on the walls and on top of the fire mantle.
The whole space was warm and homely. Welcoming. It was way more modern than my mom and dad’s place, but it had a similar feel to it. While it was immaculately clean and tidy, it felt lived in. It wasn’t cold or sterile. It just felt like a home and I couldn’t help but wonder if a woman’s touch had been involved. I was itching to get up and look at the photographs, but I didn’t want to be nosey. I needed to know if Harris had a wife or girlfriend though. If he did I needed to get out of there. It was bad enough putting him at risk. I couldn’t endanger anyone else.
“Here we are,” Harris said as he walked back in, holding a mug and a plate. He placed the mug before me on the coffee table, and the plate beside it. “Chocolate chip cookies. They’re home baked,” he added.
“You bake?”
“No. Definitely not,” he called behind him, already halfway back to the kitchen. A moment later he returned with his own coffee, black, just like he always took it before.
“Are…are you with someone?” I asked nervously, dropping my eyes to my lap as I asked. “Like married…o-or engaged or whatever?”
“No. Fuck no. I live with three guys. One of them baked the cookies,” he told me. I looked up to him with a little confusion. “No. Before you ask, I’m not with any of them. They’re like my brothers.”
The surge of relief that ran through me with those words was both unexpected and surprising.
“Brothers. Did you meet them in the military?” I asked as my mind started turning to remember all he had told me in his letters, which wasn’t much in recent years.
“Sort of. It’s a long story,” he replied and I knew instantly from the way his jaw tensed, that he wasn’t ready to talk about that.
“Well you all have a really nice place.” I picked up my coffee and nursed the warm cup between my hands.
“Thanks. We designed it together. We’ve been here around a year now.”
“Why did you move to Colorado? I always thought you’d settle in Chicago, close to your dad’s company?” I asked. It was a question I intended to ask him in my next letter, but I never got to write it.
“The company’s gone. Mom and I sold it all off a few years ago. I wasn’t interested in working there anymore and my mom wanted to move to Australia to be with her sister,” he shrugged.
“But you always wanted to run the company. It was your dream.”
“Not anymore. I changed, Ev. I’m not that same idealistic kid anymore. I grew up,” he said, and as I looked up into his eyes I understood what he was saying. There was so much more behind his eyes now. I could almost feel his pain and trauma reaching out to my own.
“Yeah. Life’s really good at making you do that, huh?” I sighed. I had been an ‘idealistic kid’ for a long time too. I had grown up sheltered, despite the hell my siblings had all been through. I was protected by all of them and by my parents and I’d had the perfect childhood, growing up with every opportunity and so much love. Becoming a teenager and then an adult, my head had been filled with all of these dreams for this perfect life I would create and was so sure I could get if I just worked hard enough. And in some ways I had been getting there. I had my dream job. I was engaged to a successful guy who wanted what I wanted. Until it all fell apart. Until life came along and kicked my ass again and again until it broke me.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he asked with a raise of his eyebrows.
“I…I don’t know,” I admitted. I was terrified to tell him anything. I was frightened it would get him hurt. The idea that going to him had been a huge mistake was rattling over and over in my head.
“You came here for my help. To do that, I kinda need to know what’s going on.”
“I know…and you’re right, I did come for help, but I…I’m worried it was a mistake.”
“Why? Because of me? Because I’m different now?” he asked.
“No! Of course not. You’re not that different, Harris. I mean…sure, you’re bigger, and a little older, but I still see you. I still see the good guy you are. It’s not you,” I told him firmly.
“Then what? Are you in danger?” He looked to me with scrutiny, and I knew I couldn’t lie. He could always tell when I lied. But could I really tell him everything? Could I give him every gory detail of what I had been through? Could I bring myself to confess to him how selfish I was? How the fact I had information to stop that murdering sonofabitch, that I wasn’t coming forward with, was getting more innocent girls kidnapped, tortured, and killed? I was so ashamed of myself and I wasn’t sure I had the strength to come clean about any of it.
My throat tightened up as I looked to him and thought through all I would be opening up to with my next words. But I couldn’t lie to him.
“Yes,” I squeaked as I fought not to cry again. Harris placed his hand over mine on top of my knee and squeezed it reassuringly.
“Someone’s after you?” he pushed, and I nodded as tears filled my eyes.
