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“The tattoos. The search I ran last night returned some hits, but I wanted to try sharpening up Evie’s drawings to run it again,” Aleks explained.
“I told you I drew like a five year old,” I laughed. “Should I look through the files you have already? He could be in there?” I asked nervously. I wouldn’t admit it, but I was terrified of looking through those military images and finding Soloman. I really had no idea how I was going to react when I saw those eyes again, even just on a photo or computer screen. Those eyes haunted my waking thoughts and nightmares. They would for the rest of my life and I knew it, but I had to do this because I had to find him and make him pay. I had to get justice for the women who hadn’t been as lucky as I had and survived.
“Not today, malenka. You’ve been through enough for one day. Let me run the search again and compile more files. He’s unlikely to be in the handful I have now anyway,” Aleks said. He smiled softly as his eyes met mine. It was impossible to ignore the flutter I felt at the kindness in his tone and on his face.
“He’s right, sweetheart. Let’s all just have some time at the park with Zack, and relax. Everything else will be right here waiting for us when we get home again,” Harris agreed.
“Relaxing sounds good,” I told them both with a smile, refusing to acknowledge the fears rising in the back of my mind about being out in public. It’s a park, I told myself. It will have open spaces and be pretty quiet. You can handle the park.
***
As soon as I stepped out of Harris’s truck in the parking lot of the park, which was about thirty minutes from the guys home, I started to doubt my earlier confidence.
The park turned out to not be as quiet as I had hoped it would be. Completely the opposite as it turned out. We had needed to wait to get a space in the parking lot, and as I stood cowering beside the passenger door, families and couples were all around me, some leisurely strolling, others yelling and trying to corral their kids. There were families on blankets all over the grassed areas, obviously having shared our picnic idea.
Who could blame them? It was the perfect day to spend in a park. The sun was shining brightly and the snow had all melted. It was cold, but not too cold to enjoy some fresh air.
I jolted when a car pulled in right beside where I stood, flashbacks of the night I was taken at the grocery store instantly being triggered, but I relaxed and forced myself to breathe when Kailan’s smiling face appeared in the passenger side window of the car. It was Nick’s car with Aleks and Zack in the back, and Nick driving. We couldn’t all fit into one vehicle.
As soon as the car came to a stop the back door opened and Aleks jumped out, turning to face me with concern.
“What’s wrong?” he asked gently as he came a little closer to me.
“N-nothing. I…I’m good,” I lied.
“I saw your face when we pulled up. Something’s wrong. You can tell me,” he urged. He stepped a little closer and reached his hand out to me tentatively. I knew he was reluctant to touch me after the freak outs I’d had since I met them all.
“I’m being stupid. It’s fine,” I laughed, but it fell flat. He moved the last inch to take my hand in his, and I allowed him to, grateful for the contact of his warm hand surrounding mine.
He pulled me out from between the cars so that Kailan could get out. Once we were behind Nick’s car he pulled me in close to his front, and brought our clasped hands to his chest, holding them against his heart. I could feel the rhythmic beating, steady and calm and it relaxed me.
“You’re not being stupid,” he said gently. “Tell me.”
“It was the car. When it came so close to me it reminded me of the day I was taken…when he parked so close to my car. I’m okay now.”
“Is it too much for you, being here? It’s busy today, and noisy. It’s okay to tell me if you need to go back home,” he offered.
“No. I want to try. It’s a lot, but I…I can handle it. I think.” I bit my lip anxiously as I looked past him to the crowded kids play area, which I knew Zack was going to want to go to.
“Everything okay?” Harris asked as he appeared at my side with the food filled hamper he had retrieved from the back of his truck.
“Evie just needs a minute. Why don’t you guys go ahead and we’ll catch up?” Aleks said.
“You okay, sweetheart?” Harris asked as he ran a soothing hand down my back.
“Yeah. You guys go on ahead. I’m good,” I assured him.
“Okay,” he nodded as he waved the others over from where they waited at the side of Nick’s car. Zack was now dressed in his thick, bright red coat and adorable dinosaur hat complete with little knitted spikes. “Call us if you need anything and we’ll run back,” he added. He leant in to kiss my forehead before he jogged over to the others and headed into the park, turning back to look at me with worry just moments later.
“I really am alright. We should just go,” I sighed.
“Did Harris tell you I was agoraphobic for the first six months after we got back to the states?” he asked as he leaned back against the trunk of Nick’s car. I moved with him, not wanting him to release my hand just yet. I leant against the car next to him, our joined hands between us.
“No, but it’s understandable considering everything you guys went through.”
“Yeah, we were all pretty messed up,” he said with a sigh. “We all suffered with anxiety and nightmares. Still do some days, but back then, I was the worst, The others, they could hide a lot of what they were dealing with and pretend to be okay. I…I struggled. I couldn’t leave the apartment we were living in at the time. We were in Denver and the city was just too much for my traumatized brain to process. I was paranoid about everyone and after the first couple of weeks I just decided it was safer to stay inside. It didn’t help that I’d lost half of my vision too. I felt like I was too vulnerable, like people could sneak up behind me and I wouldn’t even know. I’m still uneasy in crowds now for that reason,” he admitted and I completely got it. How terrifying would it be to deal with something like I was, and have one entire side blind? I was terrified enough of people being around me, when I could see them all.
“I’m so sorry for everything you went through.” It sounded pathetic as I said it. It wasn’t enough to show the agony I felt when I considered all these four, kind, good men had endured, but I simply didn’t know what else to say.
