Page 70 of Keep Breathing


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“Can you….is it okay if you all st-stay?” I asked as I looked between them.

“Of course it is, sweetheart,” Harris agreed easily.

“I don’t think any of us would have been happy to leave you right now anyway,” Aleks added as he leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “You scared us tonight. We can’t lose you.”

“I d-don’t think I can lose any of you either,” I admitted. I was way too tired to consider what that meant at that moment, but I knew it was how I felt. I needed them. It was becoming so that I couldn’t imagine what lay ahead for me without them all at my side.

“Then it’s a good job none of us plan on going anywhere,” Harris promised.

Aleks lifted me up as Harris pulled back the comforter. Aleks placed me down in the middle of the bed, and when he tried to pull back I refused to release the grip I had on his arm.

“It’s okay, kochanie. I’m right here,” he soothed as he lay down at my side and wrapped his free arm around my waist.

I looked up to the others, who seemed to be hesitating and held my hand out to them in invitation. Harris smiled and climbed into bed at my other side, turning onto his side and wrapping himself around me. Nick got in last, lying beside Aleks and reaching his hand over to place on my hip.

I felt better having them all around me, touching me and keeping me in that moment with them. I felt safe and protected.

“I wish Kailan were here too,” I sighed as I worried about him all alone.

“Just give him a little time, Ev. He’ll be okay,” Harris whispered. “Just rest now. We’re here. We’ll keep you safe.”

“I know. I feel safe with all of you,” I confessed.

“You will always be safe with us, baby. Try to sleep. We’re not going anywhere,” Nick assured me. Within moments I was out cold, believing every word they said.

***

I woke up to the sun shining in brightly through the windows. We obviously forgot to close the blinds the night before, I realized. I squinted through the bright light and looked around. I was still tucked tightly between the three guys, all of whom looked to be out cold still. Aleks still had his arm around my waist. I was facing Harris and clinging to his forearm as he lay on his back, snoring slightly. I couldn’t see Nick, since he was behind me, but his hand was holding my hip still, like he hadn’t moved all night.

I smiled a little, so grateful to them all for staying with me when I had been in such a state. I had needed them and they’d been there, no question. That meant so much to me. Dean would never have done that for me. He’d have told me to stop being so pathetic and pull myself together if he’d seen me the way I had been the night before. He couldn’t even handle it when I had the flu last winter. He’d sent me to stay with my parents until I was feeling better.

I knew the guys were special, and I knew I’d be a fool to not at least try with them. Things could go wrong and that terrified me, but they could also go so right. Could I really deny myself such an amazing opportunity? No, was the easy answer. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. I knew the timing was far from ideal, but screw timing! I liked them. They liked me. Like they told me – we weren’t going to run off and get married. We were just going to see where things went. I wanted to do that. I was so sick of being scared. I needed to take back some control.

Feeling way too hot pressed between them all I started to move their hands, carefully and slowly, off of me so I could attempt to get free.

I was feeling much better after some sleep. My body ached and I was pretty sure I was a little bruised, but emotionally I had a grip on myself. I felt steady enough to move away from the guys, so that was definitely a start.

I was moving so slowly, so as not to wake any of them, that it took me an eternity to get free and slip from the bed, but I finally made it, then stood back just admiring how adorable and handsome they all looked laid out on my bed. I wanted to snap a picture, but my new cell didn’t have that capacity. It was just a burner for messaging and calls.

I left them to sleep and slipped from the room with just one purpose in mind. Finding Kailan and making sure he understood none of what had happened was his fault.

I went to his room first, but his door was a jar and when I looked around it, his bed was empty and perfectly made up. His drapes were open and it was obvious he had already gotten up for the day.

I was filled with worry as I hurried down the stairs in search of him. Worry he hadn’t slept at all. Worry he’d already left the house and driven off some place I couldn’t talk to him. Worry about what state of mind he was in, all alone.

My panic only increased when I got downstairs and found it completely silent and empty. He wasn’t there. I was so angry with myself for not going to him the night before. It had been so selfish of me to only think about myself and go to bed without speaking with him first.

I ran through the kitchen and looked in the garage, snapping the lights on so I could check for Kailan’s car. When I saw it was still there, I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or more worried. Where would he have gone without his car? Into the forest? Was that even safe?

I turned off the lights again and slammed the door closed, my panic rising as I decided I needed to go back to my room for my cell so I could call him. Maybe he was just out running or something? I could ask him to come back.

I hurried through the kitchen again, but paused when I saw movement out in the yard. I looked out, squinting past the sunlight and let out a huge sigh of relief when I saw Kailan sitting on a bench, right at the back of the yard. He was in jeans and a t-shirt and I knew he had to be frozen. He had his head buried in his hands as he leant forward. He was hurting. I could see it.

I hurried over to the closet near the door and pulled on my coat and boots. Trousers would have been good too, but I didn’t want to waste any more time. Not when Kailan was in pain. I pulled on my hat and pocketed my gloves, then grabbed another coat, not even knowing who it belonged to. I just tucked it under my arm hoping it would be big enough to fit Kailan, then trudged out through the patio doors to the yard.

There had been a flurry of snow overnight, so everything was covered with a thin blanket of white powder and the air was icy. The wind whipped at my bare legs and I instantly regretted not grabbing trousers.

Kailan mustn’t have heard me coming outside, because he didn’t look up until I was just a few feet before him. When he did, my worry began again. He was pale and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked exhausted. It was strange to see him look so forlorn. He was always so happy and positive.

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