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“Hey,” I greeted, suddenly feeling a little nervous. “Brought you a coat before you freeze to death,” I added as I held up the coat.
“I’m fine, Evie. You shouldn’t be out here. Go back inside,” he told me flatly.
“Nope,” I said firmly, popping the ‘p’ for extra effect. I moved around the bench and draped the spare coat around his shoulders, hoping he’d take the hint and put it on properly. “How long have you been out here?” I asked as I sat on the snow covered bench beside him, grateful my coat was long enough to save my ass from landing in the snow.
“A while,” he shrugged.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come to speak with you last night. I was just exhausted.”
“And hurt,” he added angrily. “I’m so fucking sorry, Evie. I know that’s not enough, but I am. I know what I did was unforgivable.” The pain and guilt in his voice was killing me.
“Kailan, enough with that crap,” I snapped, obviously surprising him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. I knew you had terrible nightmares. I should never have walked into your room alone. I was a complete idiot. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“No,” he shook his head vehemently. “I did this. I…I hurt you.”
“You didn’t hurt me. I was able to slip away from you. I hurt myself when I went into complete meltdown and tripped down the steps out front. Then I hid and scared the shit out of you all. I messed up, Kailan. Please, stop blaming yourself. Please,” I begged.
“I’m so messed up. I thought I was getting better, but I’m not. Last night proved that,” he sighed.
“We’re all messed up, aren’t we? I think me being wedged down the side of the garage proved to what point I am anyway,” I laughed.
“How can we ever make anything work between us when we’re all falling apart?” he asked as he turned to face me and took hold of my hand.
“I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know I have strong feelings for all of you. I…I don’t want to quit before we even start. If we do that, then aren’t we letting the monsters, who hurt us, win?”
“I’m so scared I’ll hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself if I did,” he admitted.
“We all need some help, Kailan. Maybe we can go to therapy or something? It’s not going to be easy and it will take time, but we can find a way through all of this, can’t we?” I asked hopefully.
“I don’t know,” he answered. “But I do know I feel like I want to try with you at my side.”
“Me too. You all make me feel stronger.” I reached up and cupped the side of his stubble covered cheek with my hand. “I want to try this thing between us,” I admitted, then I boldly leant in and pressed my lips against his. It was just a peck, but I couldn’t stop myself. As I tried to pull away he moved his hand to the nape of my neck and pulled me back in, this time kissing me. His kiss was much more insistent, and when his tongue stroked over my lips, I opened to him. He kissed me hard and fast, awakening a fire inside of me I wasn’t sure I’d ever experienced. If he’d have tried to strip me of my clothes right there in the yard at that moment, I think I would have let him, because I wanted him. All of him.
“Fuck!” he gasped as he drew back and pulled me into his body to hold me. I went happily, gasping and wanting to be closer to him. “I’m screwed.”
“Screwed?” I repeated, confused as I lifted my head to meet his eyes.
“That’s it,” he declared with a half grin. “You just put me under your spell, darlin’. I’m yours now,” he chuckled.
“I can live with that,” I replied with a grin of my own. For a few moments I just snuggled against him, enjoying the peace and perfection of the moment.
“Come on. We need to get you inside. It’s way too cold out here,” he sighed eventually, breaking the moment.
I sat up and linked my hand with his, interlocking our fingers. We shared a smile, then got to our feet and walked back into the house. It had been a perfect moment I would never ever forget, and I wanted many, many more with Kailan, and with the others.
“Morning,” Nick greeted as we walked hand in hand into the kitchen. I worried for a moment how Nick would react to Kailan and I holding hands. Had he seen us kiss? But he just smiled, and seemed relieved. “Everything okay?” he asked. He was at the stove, breaking eggs into a bowl as he watched a pan filled with pancakes.
“Yeah. I think it is, brother,” Kailan nodded. “Making breakfast?”
“Yep. I woke up starving. How are you feeling this morning?” Nick asked, looking to me.
“Better. I’m sorry about last ni…”
“Don’t Evie. Don’t you dare apologize. We want you to feel whatever you need to feel. Just know that we will always be here for you, whatever you need,” he assured me.
“Even if you don’t need us. You can always lean on us, darlin’” Kailan added. He wrapped his hand around the side of my head and pulled me in so he could kiss my hair.
“Ditto. I want to be here for all of you too.”
