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“We were,” I tell him. “But—” I rub the back of my neck, shutting my eyes as I try to figure out why we aren’t talking about the real issue. “Aren’t I here because I rejected my beloved? Isn’t that what you want to talk about?”
“I do, but we will get to that. I need to understand you more, Rarity.”
I snort, watching the tips of my fingers glisten with ice. “What’s there to know, Dr. Almenara?” Tears fall down my cheek in cold rivers. “I spent so many years in the veil, remembering how hard it was to survive, begging for the portal to open, begging for someone to hear us as we pounded on the veil walls to be set free. I remember,” I whisper to him, still watching the light reflect off the frozen pattern on my finger. “I remember my mother dying. It’s my first memory. I remember looking up as we fell into the portal and locking eyes with her.”My breath becomes more ragged as I speak. “It was only for a moment, but it was long enough to watch her get torn apart.” I lift my eyes to look at him, but he is reaching across the desk to grab a tissue. I chuckle. “Thank you.”
“Take your time.”
I lift my shoulders and shrug. “That’s it. And then me, my father, and my uncles landed in a place that made no sense.”
He sits down beside me, notepad and pen in hand as he writes. “Tell me about that place. Do you remember a lot of it? Where was it? What was it like? Was it a bad experience?”
I turn to him, meeting his inquisitive eyes. “You genuinely sound curious. You sound like you actually care. It makes it easy to talk to you.”
“One of the perks of being a phoenix therapist, Rarity. I actuallydocare.”
I nod, standing, feeling restless, and stroll to the window again, looking out to watch the creatures come and go. From how high I am in this castle, they are as small as ants, hurrying as if the portal might close again.
“I remember enough to wish I didn’t remember at all.” I tap the window, watching the ice vein across the glass, and then I pull away. The cold receding as if it was never there. “Time was odd there. I felt like we were stuck in a bubble, watching the world pass us by. There would be times when we would find a weak spot in the veil and we’d just sit there for hours, watching the outside world exist. People walking, talking, and laughing.”
“It sounds lonely.”
“I guess it was. I don’t know. I had my family and we met others stuck there as well, but my dad was the worst, I think. He had to raise me and mourn his wife and my two brothers. He didn’t know my brothers were alive. He had the hardest time, but we survived.”
“How? If you weren’t near the library, how did you survive?”
“I have no idea where we were. It was like an abandoned town. It was thick with fog every day. We ate…” I curl my lip in disgust. “Any animal we could find. It was as if we were on an island. Every day was the same. Wake up, eat, explore, try to find a way out, eat, sleep, and the cycle started over again. I matured so time still went on, but compared to the outside world, it’s as if time didn’t exist. No one aged. No one died. No one could die.”
“What do you mean?”
“My Uncle Greyson. He tried to kill himself. A tree branch to the heart. He died but only for a few seconds before gasping for breath and yanking the branch from his chest. Time knew no end. It went on and on. And then Alexander met his beloved and it changed everything. We could communicate with her. We had hope and she set us free.”
“She set us all free. Remember, while you were stuck, others were too.”
“And now we are finally back,” I whisper. “I have my family again.” I grab the windowsill and press my weight against it. “I finally have my family back. We have all been through too much to not be together.” I raise my voice, the memories of isolation switching to anger. “We are a coven again, even if my father seems to want to waste away. My brother is still in a coma. My friend’s brother’s spirit is locked in purgatory. I’m an aunt now. My best friend is having triplets soon. I have a family!” I shout. My chest rises and falls as freezing temperatures sweep across my chest. “I have everything I didn’t have for years, and he just expects me to pick up and leave? I can’t just… I can’t just go, Dr. Almenara.” I exhale and the glass behind me shatters. I step away, my eyes darting up and down the walls to see I froze the glass. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s just glass. The gargoyles will fix it later. Go on.” He crosses his legs, his focus on me.
“I want my beloved more than anything. I miss him. I’m… hungry for him,” I admit with embarrassment.
“So soon? You are no longer able to stomach another’s blood?”
“Just the thought makes my stomach roll,” I answer.
“So I’m assuming you have no experience considering you were in the veil for the majority of your life. Is that another reason why you are avoiding your beloved?”
“No, that’s ridiculous.” There is a small part of me that’s worried. I’m still learning so many things about the world. What do I know about pleasing a prince?
“Is it? It’s okay to be scared of what you don’t know and it’s okay to be afraid of losing your family again.”
He says the words and I have to cover my face with my hands to hide how hard I cry. The doctor’s influence begins to infiltrate the air and seeps into my sadness. I still weep but his solace is like a warm balm soothing the inside of my chest.
“Isn’t that what this is all about? Your fear of loss. It’s understandable. You’ve lived a life that has been difficult and you’re in a good place. You’re building what you lost so many years ago, but Rarity, it is different now. You won’t lose your family. You’re only a sunset magnolia powder toss away. You can see them whenever you like, but if you aren’t careful, you will lose the greatest thing your heart will ever feel, and it will kill you, Rarity. It won’t be like the veil. You won’t get another opportunity to live.” He stands in front of me, the shimmer of his phoenix is a ghost around his form.
“Are you willing to risk the best part of your life because of fear? Are you willing to risk your life? Because now, there are no second chances, Rarity. And it isn’t just your life at stake. You aren’t losing anything. You’re gaining.”
“I’m going to miss so much. What if my friend has his triplets? What if my brother wakes up and I’m not there? What if…” My breath hitches.
“I have a feeling none of that will happen because you won’t stop seeing them and you’ll communicate. Do you really think your beloved will allow you to miss out on your family? You’ll only lose what you don’t try to have. Just… try. See what happens.”
