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With nothing but sincerity in his gaze, he exclaimed, “I never meant to hurt you.”
I spoke from the heart. “It doesn’t matter what your intentions were, you ruined me. You claim you did this for us. But by doing so, you completely changed the trajectory of my life, and you set a path for me of jagged edges and scars. I’m not trying to blame you for my own decisions. They were mine to make. However, I wouldn’t have made them had you not lied to me over and over again for three years, making me feel like it was my fault and I was asking too much of you.”
“Capri—”
“So don’t stand there and tell me it was for us! You thought of no one but yourself while I slowly lost my soul and everything that made me me to you. I lost myself to you, and I can’t risk losing me again. I will never recover from you a second time when I’m still trying to recover from the first time, and it’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”
More tears slid down the sides of my face. I couldn’t stop them, and I didn’t want to. I proudly wore them like honor.
“You changed my marrow, Elias. You’re in my bones, tattooed on my soul. But I’m so tired. I am tired of constantly coming second in everyone else’s life when I always put them first. I want to be first for once. So I am begging you, this is me pleading with you to please stop messing with me.”
I inhaled a deep, solid breath before adding, “I refuse to lose myself to you again. You don’t get to do this to me twice and get away with it this time. You don’t just get to waltz back into my life and decide you’ve had your fun, but now you’re ready to pick me back up. Claim me as yours. It’s bullshit!”
He bowed his head, and I ordered, “No! You look at me!”
He reluctantly did with pain in his crystal blue eyes.
“You can’t just pick me up because you’re ready now. It doesn’t work that way. All I wanted was a modicum of your time when you had me, and you couldn’t even give that to me. Yet you had no problem doing that with other women for the past seven years, if only for one night. Why wasn’t I good enough the first time, huh? Why now?”
“Capri, give me more fucking credit than that. You think I’d parade women around when I couldn’t bring you into the press as the love of my life. It was all PR. None of it was real. My life has consisted of work, end of story. Regardless of what the papers printed in reference to me. And trust me, sweetheart, I would have never said yes to the moving to London, if I thought for one second you wouldn’t be there waiting for me when it was over.”
I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry as I contemplated everything he was communicating until I spewed, “Well, I’m done waiting for you.”
ELIAS
“Don’t patronize me,” she added. “You expect me to believe that?”
I nodded in understanding. “Come here.”
“No!”
“Beauty…”
“Don’t beauty me! I’m pissed, and it’s all my fault. I should have never let it go that far between us. It was a mistake, and it won’t happen again.”
“We’re far from a mistake, Capri.”
Hearing her honesty was killing me and healing me all at once.
“If you hadn’t left me… If you’d have come back for me… This wouldn’t have happened. We’d already have our family together.”
I adamantly shook my head. “We still can.”
“Fuck you!”
I knew I had hurt her, but hearing her say exactly how I did and the damage it caused was hurting me, and nothing I could do would make it better. Would make it right. I did the only thing I could. I spoke from my heart and took accountability for the pain I caused her.
“What do you want from me?” she pleaded.
“Everything!” I shouted, trying to get my point across. “All of you! It belongs to me!”
“See! That’s all you care about! I’m just a trophy to you!”
“Beauty, you’ve always been the most important person in my life, and you know that.”
“This is the biggest problem in our relationship. You saying shit you don’t mean.”
“Oh, come on! I can’t win with you. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. There is no happy medium with you. You’re just against me. No matter what I do, you find fault in it to push me away.”
