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Cameron
I wake to a sore but satisfied body. While I wonder why I feel so good, I stretch and my shoulder bumps against something close to me. I turn my head to find Gael sleeping next to me. I’m captivated by the sweet smile pulling the corners of his lips up. His face is so close, I can’t stop myself from turning onto my stomach so I can place a kiss on his cheek.
The stubble from a few days without shaving is rubbing against my smooth skin, and entices a moan that I crush by biting my lips.
I don’t want to wake him up. I want to stare at him, until he feels as real as the soreness of my body from the bedroom exercise we had last night. I’m ready to go again, but I don’t want to be too greedy and hurt him in my need to satisfy and fill the void he left in me.
He looks so relaxed and happy, nothing like the man I found on the street.
I watch him until he stirs and opens his eyes. He looks a bit confused until his eyes find their focus, and then his mouth opens with a big smile, and he places his hand on my cheek.
“I thought you were a dream,” he says. The relief in his voice is as dense as smoke in a closed room, and makes me want to cry.
I’ve always been prone to forgiveness, especially with Gael, but when he disappeared, he broke my heart in half and took away the chance for me to put it behind me and move on.
I wasn’t aware that I was still waiting for him, until I saw him, battered and half-dead, lying on the ambulance bed.
I shake my head to rid it of those images, and the feeling of total desperation and helplessness I’d felt in that moment.
Today, I don’t want anything to ruin my dream. Not even me. I’m not allowed to think of the past. Today will be like those miraculous Christmas Days from the movies. Just like Scrooge and the ghosts, today we’re cloaked by the ghost of Christmas, and here, in this parallel universe, Gael and I are happy and together. My wish is that today will last forever, so we won’t have to live in the past any longer.
I focus on him, because if tomorrow is not for us, at least I’ll have today.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, focusing instead on him, what happened last night, and how what we’d done could have affected Gael’s body.
“I’m good. If it’s a dream I don’t want to wake up.”
“It’s not a dream, and I’m starving.” At the same time I say that, Gael’s stomach growls. Laughing, I place a kiss on his lips this time, and then I jump out of bed and put something on.
I love Gael’s gaze on me while I’m putting on my clothes. But what I love even more are his growls as he watches my naked skin disappear.
“Breakfast,” I say to him while I walk to the door, feeling his eyes following me as if he’s afraid I will disappear. Then I blow him a kiss as I leave the room.
I make my way to the kitchen, because I want to make a special breakfast for him. I want to do what I’ve always dreamt of doing—take care of him.
Having meals together, chilling on the sofa, our legs linked, making our house a home. I was so stupid back then to believe that loving someone would make everything else easy. Instead, later on, when Gael had left, I understood that loving each other was the easy part.
A pair of arms circle my middle and a kiss lands on the nape of my neck, and then Gael’s chin rests on my shoulder.
“What are you doing?”
“A bit of daydreaming, and a bit of remembering.”
“I’m sorry.” His contrite tone makes me feel guilty. Crazy, I know, but I’d never been able to stay mad at him. He gave me so much.
But he took a lot when he left, too.
Why can’t my brain stop for a day and keep the bad memories away? I don’t want to remember only the bad things. He saved me when I needed saving, and right now I want to be the one saving him. I want to be the one giving him a home.
But is he going to stay this time?
That’s enough! I switch my brain off, because I can do the thinking tomorrow, or the next day, or in a faraway future. Today is joyous, like a Christmas gift received a few days early. I want to enjoy today and pretend that whatever happened to us never did.
“No sorries today. No past, no future, only the present. Only us, like we were before.” His nod caresses my skin and makes my heart a little lighter.
I turn around in his arms and kiss him again, because I can’t stop, and because I want to remind myself that this is real. Me making breakfast, him crowding me, hugging me, and then sitting at the table. But I don’t want to daydream, I want to enjoy what we have right now. Maybe later I’ll regret allowing myself to dream, to enjoy this slice of homelife, but right now I don’t care about what will happen next.
I use my hip to direct him to the chair, and then I finish placing breakfast on the plates. When I reach the table, I lean to place the plate in front of Gael, but he takes it from my hand and with the other grabs my wrist and spins me around so I land gently on his lap instead.
