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How does he know these are the things I wanted to do with him? I had written them on my dream list, so long ago, when the things between us were the only things that mattered. Now, he’s ticking them off one by one. How does he know if we never spoke about them before?
A fork, with some eggs and mushrooms appears in front of me. I glance at him, and he’s looking at me, waiting for my reaction. When I don’t move, he grins at me, to encourage me to take the bite. I blush, but lean in while opening my mouth and lean back once the fork is empty.
How can this be more intimate than what we did last night?
Why is having him feed me messing with my head?
Why is my heart close to exploding, in joy and despair?
I close my eyes and try to bask in the amazing feeling he’s giving me. Then I open them and lean in, always careful not to put too much pressure on him, and take his mouth in a kiss. It’s just a brush of lips, but I let my tongue slip in to touch and taste his. I don’t deepen it, because what I want right now is to enjoy this snippet of everyday life as a couple. I want to experience what it means to have the person I love sharing my life.
I’m not sure how much time we have together, so I don’t want to waste any of the minutes I do have with him thinking about what’s going to happen tomorrow.
I take the other fork and scoop up some food, and then, in the same gentle way he used with me, I place it in front of him. His mouth, opening to take the food, wakes my dick up and it takes notice. Now, it wants to play again, just like last night. I won’t let my cock dictate how the day is going to go, so I ignore it and focus my attention on Gael.
We spend the next half hour feeding each other, and kissing in between. When we’re both sated, I leave his lap and help him stand, then I take his hand and lead him to the sofa. I plump up the cushions before helping him sit down. Once he’s comfortable, I move away.
“Where are you going?” His panicked tone stops me and brings me close to him again.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I say, then lean in and kiss him. I gently pull away and walk to my library to get a book. I pick one from his favourite section—thrillers—then walk back and give it to him.
“Get comfy. I’ll clean up and I’ll be back in a jiff.” Another kiss, because I can’t stop, and then I’m off.
I take no time at all cleaning the kitchen, while all my attention is focused on the other room. I listen for any noise, any breath, any movement. It’s kind of obsessive, but I’m afraid he’ll disappear into thin air if I look the other way, even for a second.
I push everything into the dishwasher without care, and as soon as I press the button, I’m off to the other room.
I stand at the door, looking at Gael, and my heart does little somersaults, just like my stomach is. Butterflies and fireworks have me nearly exploding in joy.
“Come closer,” he says to me, and I don’t hesitate. Not even for a second. And when I’m there, he pulls me down to lie next to him.
Once I’m settled, with my head on his chest and his arm around me, he starts reading. The memories of times like this, spent in my small bed in my room, take me back to the past, and the innocent love I once had for him is flourishing again. A love oblivious to the past, the present, and the future, only aware of the other person and what they share. Eager to find a way to connect.
I bask in that love, with my eyes closed, my hand on Gael’s heart, and my ear full of his strong, deep voice.
I’m not sure how long we stay like this, but I’m brought back to reality when he stops. I open my eyes and the room is not full of light anymore. Instead, evening is approaching.
I try to move away, but Gael’s arm keeps me in place.
“Stay.”
I obey, because I don’t want to move either.
Only when his stomach growls do I move. And I refuse to stay, even when he coaxes me with an enchanting kiss that’s way too short, but I cherish it deep in my heart.
I leave him there, and go to the kitchen to make us dinner, but I’m overjoyed when he starts reading again, loud enough for me to hear him. The rising angst from being even a few feet away from him is quenched, and I can relax and focus on dinner, knowing he’s not going anywhere.
I understand the fear of losing him again, but at the same time I’m frustrated by the feeling that I can’t trust him. And without trust, there is no love that can last. Once again, for the thousandth time today, I send my unwelcome thoughts and feelings away.
When everything is ready, I place the food on a bigger plate and walk to the living room.
When Gael sees me there, he stops reading and smiles at me. His smile is full of joy, gratefulness, and peace. That’s the look I want to see when we’re not in bed. When we are in bed, I want him breathless, his eyes full of lust, and him balls-deep inside me, until we’re both satisfied.
The thought of him inside me makes me want to drag him to bed and resume the activities we were so happy doing last night. But the growl coming from inside of him, that has nothing to do with sex, sends those thoughts away, and I continue walking until I’m by his side again.
I place the plate on the small table near the sofa and help Gael sit up, placing the cushion behind his back, and then I sit next to him. But he’s not having any of it.
“I want you close,” he says, pulling me onto his lap. And I go willingly because I want the same. I want to be so close we’re linked at the hip. Or something else. I chuckle and that gains me a strange look from Gael.
