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“You did.” Fuck! There’s no stopping me today. We were so happy just a few minutes ago and I had to go and ruin everything. But if I don’t talk and let everything out, how can we build something together? I don’t want this wound to become putrid and contaminate every single cell of my body and end whatever future we have before we even begin.
“I know, love. And there are not enough words in the world for me to say how much I fucked up, how much I regret what I did, and how much I want to turn the hands of the clock back, so I never leave you.” He stops to take a breath, or so I think, instead he reaches out to take one of my hands, the one closer to him, and takes it in his.
“I can’t—“ I begin to say, but Gael’s fingers pressing against my lips stop me from finishing my thought.
“I’m here with you, and I want to spend my life making you happy. I want to try to erase those ten years of pain by making you happy. As happy as I can.”
I close my eyes while I replay his words inside my head. Then I move my focus inward and search inside myself until I find the centre of my pain. There, I let his words heal me, and accept that we all make mistakes, but what’s important are the actions we take to right those wrongs.
“Okay.” That word is the hit that breaks the dam, and everything is washed clean by the water. I’m freed of my pain by allowing him to be with me.
Gael stands, takes my hand, and pulls me up. He bends down to blow out the candles and then leads me to the bedroom. He pulls the covers back and waits until I’m lying on the bed to pull them on top of me, then walks to the other side and gets in. He gets closer until he takes me in his arms, and I rest my head on his chest. There’s no uncontrollable passion between us right now, but only the need to be close, to be together.
He turns the light off, and then pulls me even closer, and I listen to his breath and heartbeat, until my eyes get too heavy, and then sleep takes me away to dreamland.
***
I open my eyes, and I enjoy the feeling of being at peace, of being complete, of finally having the chance to have everything I’ve always wanted. Yesterday was a bad day, but today is the beginning of the life I’ve only dreamt of.
I turn around to look at the man who had broken everything, but was now mending the pieces by making everything possible. The man who’d got lost, but found his way back to me.
He’s not there, and a pang of dread shakes my happiness, but I brush it off, blaming my residual fears.
I pull the covers close to my body, missing Gael’s warmth, but I don’t want to leave the bed in case he just went to the toilet or to make breakfast.
I close my eyes, and let my mind bring me back to last night, after the talk, and after the hot as fuck sex. Nope, love making. And that brings a smile to my face. What made everything better, though, was him taking me in his arms, and pulling me close as if he didn’t want to let me go. I let him, while I tried to purge the past out of my system. Wanting, wishing, hoping for a new start for us.
I can’t believe we have a chance to be an ‘us.’
I must have fallen asleep again, because the room is brighter when I open my eyes. My phone ringing pushes me up to reach for it.
Who dares disturb my happiness?
“Hey, Cam. How are you, love?” Melanie’s voice comes through.
“All good, darling.”
I look at the other side of the bed—still empty—and like a moth attracted to the light, my hand reaches out to touch where Gael was lying last night. The sheets are cold, as if he was never there.
“Cam, are you there?”
But I can’t answer because I need to check if Gael is still here. I jump out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I knock and wait for an answer, and when none comes I open the door. A quick look is enough to know he’s not there either.
I walk to the kitchen at a faster pace, uncaring if he sees me looking for him, and understanding I’m losing my mind because I can’t find him. The room is empty and as messy as I left it last night.
“Gael,” I mumble over and over again, while rushing around my apartment. I frantically move from room to room, and with each empty room, I become more devastated. My heart is not in my chest anymore, but down at my feet, shattered once again. My mind’s in a loop of “why?” and my numb body is betrayed by my perfect sense of smell, because the house is still full of him.
“Cam?”
“Melanie . . .” But I can’t continue because my throat is already clogged with tears.
Did he leave? Did he leave me again?
“Cam! Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“Gael left,” I say, and in that exact moment, when I admit it out loud, my tears begin to fall. “He’s not here. He left me again.” I’m overwhelmed by the despair spreading inside me. I fucking trusted him again.
“I’m coming over.” And then she’s gone.
