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What if she didn’t care anymore?
That thought was most chilling of all. She had no reason to care. I’d dropped out of her life, tossed away a lifelong friendship because of him. I could try to explain, hope she understood I had stayed away to protect her, but I was doubtful and even worse, I couldn’t blame her.
And then I cursed myself for being so self-absorbed. It had been years since I’d been like this, unaccompanied, free to look at whatever I wanted without fear, and instead of focusing on the world around me, I was stuck in my head, still letting others control me.
But no more.
I slowed, looked around, allowing myself to stare, letting my gaze linger as I remembered different places I had visited before my nightmare had begun.
And as I walked, a sense of weightlessness, of possibility came over me.
It was far too short-lived.
I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked up, there David stood.
I couldn’t believe I’d gotten this close to him without even noticing it, but now that I had, every fiber of my being was on alert. He still wore that awful cologne, and I wrinkled my nose involuntarily, seemingly having again fallen out of the habit of schooling my emotions in front of him.
He was impeccably dressed as always, but I noticed the redness of his eyes, the puffy bags underneath them. He wasn’t sleeping, which always made him more volatile than usual…
I mentally shook myself. I didn’t have to anticipate anymore, try to predict what would confront me at any given moment. I didn’t have to be around him at all. That thought made me look harder, deeper, not glance at him with hooded eyes, trying to see without being noticed, but really look at him.
And when my eyes clashed with his, I saw pleading there, and the simmering anger that never seemed to go away.
I turned abruptly, determined to get far away from him as fast as I could.
“Stop!” he yelled.
And I almost did.
Almost.
But Vasile’s voice floated through my mind, reminded me that I didn’t have to obey.
I kept walking.
“Fawn!” David called, sounding almost desperate. “You need to come home now. Come home!”
I didn’t turn, but I heard the urgency in his raw voice. David was desperate. Was pleading, seemed almost hurt.
Good. Let him hurt.
I added a little spring to my step.
SIXTEEN
Fawn
I turned the corner and walked down a tidy block, memories of the years Esther and I had spent here taking over. Everything was almost the same, so much so that I could picture the little girl I’d been, so hopeful, so anxious to start life. I missed that little girl, but I knew that she was gone forever, and I needed to find the woman who would take her place. Doing this would be the first step.
I walked up the small porch and knocked.
As I waited, listening to the person inside moving around, it hit me that it was nine in the morning, right around the time when most people would be headed to work, after that even.
The door opened.
“Fawn?”
Esther looked at me with question in her eyes and then stood silent.
