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“Why didn’t you tell me back then?”
“I didn’t tell anyone,” he said.
“Wait a minute.” She held up a hand. “Eli, it’s been a year since we’ve reconnected. And you’ve only justnowtold me this.”
“I haven’t told anyone,” he said quietly. “No one knows about it except you.”
Holly stared at him, stunned. “What do you mean, no one knows? Not even your teammates? Shaw? West? Ryder?”
“No one.”
“Butwhy?”
“Because it’s private. It’smyfamily andmyprivate life. I don’t want people treating me any differently if they know. And I told you because I know you won’t.”
“No, but—”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather talk about us right now, okay? We can talk about the other stuff later.”
“Sure. Go on,” she murmured.
He drew in a breath. “Wilkes, we got so fucking close back then. You were the best friend I’d ever had, but I’ll be honest—I wanted you from the word go. I’m not going to lie about that.”
Holly tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Sometimes I felt like you did, and other times, I just... I wasn’t sure.”
“Yeah, I know. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship, and I was going through so much shit.” He huffed out a laugh. “I’d get so jealous if you even talked about that stupid asshole.”
“Beckett? I haven’t thought about him in years.” Holly picked at a loose string on the comforter, then said, “I thought you were going to kiss me that night in your room.”
“I wanted to. I almost did. And then when I saw that guy feel you up at the party? Jesus. I just lost my shit. Good thing your friend was there.” He scratched his beard, then ran a hand over his chin. “I was so pissed off. At him, at you, at me...” He let out a sigh. “Then you came up to my room and all bets were off.”
“Mmm,” Holly murmured. “Yeah, they sure were.”
“Sleeping with you meant something, Holly. I’d had a lot of sex before that. A hell of a lot. But I’d never slept with someone I’d cared about before, as awful as that sounds. And afterward, I just freaked the fuck out.”
“Why?”
“It was all just shit timing. I could barely handle what I was going through with my parents getting divorced and my mom’s illness.”
“I didn’t expect to feel the way I did about you. And the thought of trying to manage a relationship—a girlfriend—through all of that when I’d never done it before? It just freaked me out. And I’m pretty sure a relationship is where we were headed.”
“Why couldn’t you have just been honest with me?” she asked. “The way you did it, with Stacie? God, Eli. You destroyed me. You buried our friendship with one fell swoop. Youknowhow I felt about her.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, taking her hand in his. “For all of it, Wilkes. For fucking all of it. I was wrong to do what I did. I thought I was sparing you hurt in the long run. Losing our friendship, and hurting you? It’s my biggest regret. You deserved better.”
Holly was silent for a few moments, then squeezed his hand. “The only way to put the past behind us is to finally face it head on, in all its glorious imperfection. Then never look back again. That’s pretty good advice. I think we should take it.”
“But can you forgive me?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion.
For the first time since they’d reconnected, she felt like she was finally seeing a glimpse of the man she’d fallen for all those years ago. Before everything had gone to hell. And just like back then, her stomach fluttered and her heart raced as he watched her with those beautiful light brown eyes, waiting for her to answer.
“Yes,” she nodded. “Yes, I forgive you.”
Eli sucked in a breath, then wrapped her in a tight, warm hug. “I needed to hear that, Wilkes,” he said huskily. “I really did.”
Her tummy flipped again when his hot gaze dropped to her lips. If she didn’t move, he was going to kiss her. And she wanted him to. She wanted it so much she could barely breathe. But even though they’d reconciled their past, it didn’t mean she had any idea what the future held. And that scared the hell out of her because Eli was still Eli—a notorious playboy. That hadn’t changed.
And she was still a woman who acted tougher than she was to protect her heart. Who still had an unresolved crush on her former friend.
