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"He is," Brandon admitted. "But when Briar is screaming and crying because her hair isn't the same color as one of her favorite TV princesses, do you think I have any fucking clue what I'm supposed to do?" He snorted with laughter. "There's no handbook because the problems are infinite. All you can do is roll with it and try to do the best you can. And if you're lucky, you have someone by your side to help navigate the uncharted waters of parenthood. I've got that with Hannah. And I'm pretty sure you'd have that with Holly."

Eli rubbed his forehead. "I know I would have that with her. But I wasn't prepared for the legit, sheer terror I feel when I think about being a father. I sweat through my shirt if I even try to picture it."

"You've been dealing with a lot of your own father issues recently, D. I think that's a huge part of this. But I also think Ryder has a point when he says a lot of your fear is tangled up in other things." Brandon paused for a second, running a hand down over his jaw. "I'm not going to lie, Eli. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. It's not for everyone, and there's very good reasons why people choose to not have kids. But for me, it's been worth it. There's nothing like seeing my kids' faces light up when I come home from a road trip, and I'm attacked with hugs. Or telling them bedtime stories and making them laugh. There's a lot of good times. It's not all serious business. I just think you ought to consider that."

"How about we start cleaning up while you jump in the shower?" Shaw asked. "Have you eaten yet today?"

His stomach rumbled loudly in response, and his friends laughed.

"Gonna take that as a no." Ryder gave him a wry grin. "Go grab a shower while we clean up. Then maybe we can order in some food and watch some shitty TV. Unless you want to go out?"

"I wouldn't mind going to Callahan's, if we can hang out upstairs away from the crowd. I'm sick of breathing the same air."

"That's because the air in here is not fresh, my friend," Shaw mumbled. "It's not fresh at all."

"What day is it?" Eli asked.

"Thursday," Ryder replied. "Callahan's it is, then."

He stood up, wobbly on his legs, and glanced around the kitchen.

Fuck, it really was a disaster.

"I'm not cleaning up any puke," Shaw told them. "Forget it."

"I'll do it. Doesn't bother me at all. You get used to it when you're a parent," Brandon told him. "All right, D. Go get cleaned up so we can get the fuck out of here."

* * *

He had to admit, it felt good to be out of the house. Having his friends come over and talk to him had helped. It didn't solve his problems, but at least he felt less alone.

They were tucked into a corner upstairs at Callahan's away from the hustle and bustle of the bar, and it was a welcome respite from his penthouse.

The last hour or so they'd been shooting the shit, munching on appetizers, and eating their dinners. He'd gotten something healthy for dinner—chicken, steak, and veggies—since he'd drowned his misery in pizza, wings, and assorted carbs the past few weeks.

"Dinner is on me, boys." He tossed his credit card down on the tip tray. "I owe you guys."

"You don't owe us shit," Ryder said, waving a hand. "You would have done it for any of us."

Eli nodded. "You're right, I would have."

"Hey." Shaw peered down at his phone. "West is here. He was at the movies with Penn. Asked if we want to play some pool downstairs. Table's empty if we do."

"I'm game." Brandon slapped his hands down on the table. "What do you guys think?”

"Same." Ryder glanced over at him. "Let's head down. Are you coming, D?"

"Yeah, I'll be down after I pay this. The waitress said she would be back up here in a few minutes."

"Cool, see you down there."

The three of them headed downstairs as Eli sank back against the booth with a sigh. He'd barely had a chance to take a breath before Penn walked up to the table.

"Hey, Eli." She lifted her hand in a wave. "I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute."

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Holly."

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