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“Before or after the party?” she asked, her features stuck in the same piteous shape.
“At the party,” I said. “Over the phone.”
“Bastard!” Her soft features hardened as her sympathy turned to anger. “Who fucking does that? I thought he was a grown-up?”
“There are no grown-ups, apparently.”
“Quinn told me that once,” she said, nodding at the memory. “Is that why you left?”
“Yeah. Didn’t want to spoil everyone’s night.”
“You should’ve stayed. And told us.”
“I know, but that would’ve led to a much messier night than I wanted to have.”
“Understandable,” she said. “His loss, by the way, in case that’s not utterly obvious to you.”
“Thanks.” I took a sip of my drink as the waitress arrived to clear our plates. When she left, Maddy slid her cocktail where her poached eggs used to be, and I folded my elbows on the table and leaned forward. “The thing that’s troubling me most, though, is that everyone at work thinks Kurt broke up with me at the company Christmas party.”
“I thought you spoke on Christmas Day?”
“We did. But I guess he was all over some catering girl at the party after I left.”
“Eww,” she said, leaning back. “That’s awful.”
“So, long story short, I don’t know how big of an idiot I am.”
“First of all, he’s the idiot. Not you. Second of all, as long as it’s public knowledge that he’s a weaseling sack of shit, I think you should take comfort in that and move on.”
“I’m trying,” I said, displeased with the lack of conviction in my voice.
“Good.”
“I just wish I understood why I gave him a chance in the first place.”
“His butt looked nice in khakis?” she guessed.
I cocked my head.
“Not helpful?”
“Not particularly.”
“So why do you think you gave him a chance?”
I looked down at the table, which was covered in lacquered newsprint. “I think I got scared about the baby thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think, on some level, I was nervous about going through the whole sperm donor thing alone, so I lowered my standards to give one last guy a shot.”
“Of course you were nervous,” she said. “But you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Giving Kurt a chance didn’t do any harm.”
“I lost a year, Maddy. A year I didn’t have to lose.”
“So now what?”
“Now I need to refocus and pick a donor already, so I’m not in the same baby-less situation this time next year.”
