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I sighed.
“I’m sorry I said I didn’t need you.”
Tears pricked the back of my eyes.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever really needed.”
I bit the inside of my lip.
“I’m sorry I fed Otis people food after you asked me not to.”
Of all things to—
“I’m sorry I always insisted on being the front man when you were the one with real talent.”
I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he kept talking.
“You always were,” he said. “That’s why I asked you to go to LA with me. I wasn’t good enough to make it on my own, and I knew it.”
“That’s not true,” I said. “You’re making it on your own now.”
“Barely,” he said. “And only because people want to hear me sing the hits you wrote.”
I swallowed.
“I’m sorry I said you were too shit for art school. I thought you’d abandon me if you realized how talented you were.”
He was trying. I had to give him that.
“I’m sorry I tried to trick you into taking those tranquilizers in Boston. I’m sorry I took them and totaled the rental car. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t walked away from that crash like I did.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“I don’t know why you stuck by me another four years after that, through two more overdoses. I don’t even know how many thanks I owe you for turning me on my side so I wouldn’t choke on my own puke.”
This wasn’t the man I walked away from. That guy had never apologized for anything.
“I’m sorry I made you hate me so much you don’t visit the girls more. I know how much you like kids, and they really miss you. I’ve told them it’s my fault. Same with Janie. I know I’m the reason we’re not a big, happy family.”
My shoulders dropped with my exhale.
“I’m sorry for all the times I’ve lied about you in TV interviews. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I’m just embarrassed to admit to strangers that I don’t know what you’re up to because you won’t take my calls.”
“Max—”
“I’m not done,” he said, turning the page over. And the sorries kept coming for another twenty minutes, covering everything from stuff he broke to stuff he stole from me to stuff I thought he was too off his head to remember.
“I’m sorry for how ungrateful I was,” he said. “You sacrificed your dream for mine, and I never even thanked you. We should’ve been having the time of our lives, but I ruined it.”
I forced a sad smile.
“So I understand why you don’t return my calls. I don’t deserve a brother like you. But I want you to know that if you ever give me another chance to be part of your life, I promise I’ll do better.”
“Is that all?”
His eyes grew wide. “Did I forget something?” He looked between me and his paper.
“No,” I said, scooting closer to him on the couch. “I think that about covers it.”
