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F O R T Y F O U R
- Quinn -
Telling her I loved her wasn’t part of the plan. It just happened. I wasn’t even sure if it was true until I heard myself say it. But it sounded right. Felt right. Granted, I had no point of comparison, but I knew I’d never want anything as much as I wanted her next smile, her next laugh, her next kiss.
I couldn’t go back to having the highlight of my day be when I slipped my goofy socks on. That was fine for the me I used to be, the me that didn’t know better, the me who wasn’t obsessed with the beating of someone else’s heart. But now that I’d been with Maddy and discovered what it was like to have real companionship, socks alone would never be enough to satisfy me.
All night, I lay awake, buzzing over the fact that I said those words to her and wondering what it would be like to hear her say them back. Surprisingly, the prospect thrilled me almost to the point of giddiness. Or maybe it was the overwhelming relief swirling through me that was making it hard to sleep. Relief that I didn’t need to fight my feelings anymore, relief that I didn’t need to fear them. After all, love wasn’t a disaster. It was a gift. A gift I’d been a fool to cast aside.
I wondered if this was how zombies felt a few hours after they’d been bitten. One second you’re a regular guy who’s spent his whole life feeling painfully apathetic, and in the next, you’re so driven by your new passion for eating brains that you can think of little else. Perhaps that’s a dramatic analogy, but much like a zombie, I didn’t want to get better. If there was an antidote to this feeling, I wasn’t interested. You’d have to shotgun me in the stomach to interrupt the fantasies I was having about the sweet, tipsy girl snoring on the other side of the apartment. Not that I could hear her snoring. Plus, snoring was too strong a word for the little sighs and wheezes that seeped from her lips while she slept.
God, I fucking missed those sounds, along with others I hoped to draw from her soon…
I got up early to execute my official wooing plan, knowing Maddy’s hangover would keep her clinging to her pillow until at least nine o’clock. I’d be gone by then, but she’d wake to find my note. Or rather, my invitation. Hopefully, she’d read it and give me the answer I desired.
Either way, it was time to come clean to James. Too much had happened between his sister and me to pretend nothing had, and there was no avoiding the conversation forever. Even if she woke up and decided she wasn’t going to giving me a second chance, it was better for him to find out we’d hooked up before he got home. That way, he’d have time to cool down for a few weeks and would be significantly less likely to break my nose.
I squeezed in a workout, my muscles burning with every stroke on the rowing machine as I planned what I would say to him, and after forty minutes of letting salty sweat drip into my eyes, I decided I’d procrastinated long enough. I hit the showers after a quick stretch, made my way up to the roof, and found a secluded corner of the plant-filled patio before dialing his number.
From the groany croak of his hello, it was safe to guess I’d interrupted a siesta. “Did I wake you?” I asked, glancing at my watch.
“No,” he said, though it was difficult to make the word out through his heavy yawn. “I was just resting my eyes.”
“My grandpa used to do that,” I said. “Tell me, does your mouth hang open when you rest your eyes?”
“Don’t be a smartass. I had a late night.”
“That’s no excuse to sleep the day away,” I teased.
I heard him knock a few things over and swear under his breath before telling me to hold on a second.
“Do you want me to call you back?” I waited in vain for a response, and a few seconds later, I heard a kettle start boiling in the background.
“You still there?” he asked.
“I’m glad you made some friends. I was starting to worry about you.”
“I made friends all right,” he said. “Too bad they tried to kill me last night.”
I laughed.
“Mad bastard was taking vodka shots through his eyeball.”
I laughed until I noticed he didn’t. “Wait—are you serious?”
“I stuck to body shots myself, so as not to offend the ladies, but shots here are fucking expensive. I hope I didn’t leave my card behind the bar. One second.”
I heard the phone hit the counter again and clenched my jaw. This wasn’t the call I’d mentally prepared for. I needed to cut to the chase.
“Sorry,” he said. “Needed coffee. Anyway, what’s up?”
“I’m in love with your sister,” I said, opting for the band-aid approach.
I heard the spray of his spat coffee across the ocean and waited patiently for him to stop coughing. “Sorry,” he squeaked. “For a second there I thought you said you were in love with my sister.” Nervous laughter echoed in my ear. “Must be more alcohol in my system than I thought. Hope I don’t stink of booze at work tomorrow.”
“You heard me correctly,” I said, keeping my tone cool and even. “That is what I said.”
“What the fuck, Quinn? You better be joking.”
