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“Jesus, please don’t hype it up anymore. Mom’s making me so crazy. I’m surprised she hasn’t tried on my dress.”
“That you know of.”
“Right.”
“Didn’t she always want to renew her vows with Dad? She’s probably just jealous.”
“Honestly, I don’t even have the energy to argue with her.”
“That’s not what I heard,” I said.
“Fine. I admit I was a little bridzilla about my dress and the venue, but I swear to god the rest has been all her.”
“Look at the bright side though. She’s far more invested than any maid of honor could ever be.”
“True. I just hope she stops herself before she plans my bachelorette party.”
“You’re having one of those?”
“Yeah. Not cause I’m really dying to treat my friends to a male stripper, but if Dave’s going to have a big dirty party, I’m not going to sit around on my thumbs.”
“Fair enough.”
“Anyway, Mom told me last night that you broke up with Chelsea.”
“Yeah,” I said. “What version of events did she tell you?”
“That you didn’t love her and that she was a money hungry bitch. Not in those words.”
“Oh okay, good. Cause I never really spelled it out like that.”
“Sorry bro.”
“It’s cool. We had fun while it lasted.”
“She wasn’t smart enough for you anyway.”
“And I wasn’t rich or famous enough for her so I guess we’re even.”
“So who are you bringing to the wedding?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it since Chelsea and I broke up.”
“Well, you have to bring someone because all my bridesmaids have significant others.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Nothing. It’s just… I know how you are.”
“How’s that?”
“You’re a humongous flirt. I don’t want you breaking up relationships on a day that’s all about love.”
“I would never-”
“I’ve seen you do it on accident!”
“I can’t help it if the girls want a piece-”
