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He laughed. “You don’t understand, Sophie girl. Not what you think makes you happy, but what you know will make you happy.”
She pressed a finger into her temple and rubbed. What did all of that mean? “I’m not sure I understand the difference.”
“Did John-Paul ever tell you I was engaged to be married?” With a wicked grin, he lowered his voice. “To a woman?”
Surprise lit through her. “No. How scandalous.”
He laughed. “I grew up in a nice, conservative household and my entire future was mapped out for me. Of course, I had nigglings. The inappropriate crush on a friend, a couple of random make-out sessions I chalked up to being a horny teenager. But I had my plan of what I wanted, and it sure as hell didn’t include hooking up with men. To be honest, I wanted no part of it.”
It was hard to imagine, he was so comfortable in his own skin.
He waved a hand. “I won’t bore you with all the details, but basically one day something snapped and I decided there was a difference between what I thought made me happy and what really made me happy.” He winked at her. “Never wore a polo shirt again.”
“Thank God.” She laughed.
“All I’m suggesting is that sometimes we need to get out of our own way. That it’s the decision that is filled with angst and chaos, but once you choose, accept your path and truth, life gets a whole lot clearer. I don’t know what the answer is for you and your man. Maybe it’s here, or maybe it’s there. That isn’t really the question on the table.”
Throat tight, she asked, “What’s the question on the table?”
“Do you choose him? Does he choose you? Make that choice, and decide the rest together.”
“Thanks.” She glanced out the window, thinking about Ryder and home. She sighed.
“Why don’t we do this.” François’s voice shook her back to the room. “You have the job. It’s yours if you want it. But go, take a week and figure out what makes Sophie happy under all the noise in your head.”
“I will. Thanks.” She stood and they hugged. “I’ll call by the end of the week.”
He kissed her head. “Be happy, Sophie darling. You deserve it.”
She said her good-byes and intended on walking back to Penelope’s but instead found herself jumping in a cab. After fifteen minutes she stood by the lake, staring into the vastness of the water, shoes dangling from her fingertips, as the icy water licked at her toes. She used to come to the lake when she was a kid, wandering by herself when she’d been way too young.
It had always soothed her.
Back then she’d walk until she finally made her way onto one of the piers, gazing into the water, making plans and dreams about her life and what she wanted to become. She’d grown up watching shows like Friends and Sex and the City, plotting her own glamorous city life filled with shoes and shopping and brunch with her girlfriends. So different from the relentless toes-in-the-earth spiritual dogma she was surrounded with at home.
In her mind, that was what she thought made her happy.
The wind whipped through her hair, and as she gazed out, she gave it all up. She stopped trying to figure it out. Stopped trying to come up with a solution. She took François’s advice and quieted the noise in her head.
Despite her fancy suit, she sat down on the sand, closed her eyes, let the breeze blow over her, and listened to the sound of the water lapping on the shore. She sat like that for a long, long time.
Not focused on the past, or her problems, but on herself. To what called to her. Home. That was what she’d been thinking about all morning. What she’d kept longing for as she fought traffic and sat in endless meetings. She’d kept longing for home.
And somehow home had started to look a lot like Ryder’s.
As the knowledge settled over her, peace stole through her.
She opened her eyes. And knew. All the turmoil settled, the spinning in her head eased, and she finally understood what she wanted. She wanted nights on the couch with Ryder. Walking down Main Street with people calling her name. Going over to Maddie’s and sitting in her backyard or down by the river. Hanging out in the hot tub with Darcy and Griffin. She wanted to improve Revival and get hugged by strangers because they were grateful.
And Ryder, always Ryder.
Ryder and Revival were home. The only home she’d ever truly had. The only home she’d ever truly wanted.
At long last, she finally knew where she belonged.
