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Jesus.
He put the car into gear and pulled into traffic before glancing at me. “You okay?”
“Ah, yeah.”
“You sure?”
No, but I nodded anyway. I had to get out of here. I had to get my head on straight before I talked to Kilter. “Can you take me home now? I live—”
“I know where you live.”
He did? “You do?”
“Yeah. Found out as soon as I woke from Rest.”
I frowned, looking at him. Delara had mentioned that. “What’s Rest?”
“They didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Where I’ve been for six months.”
“Umm, no.”
“Fuck.” He glanced in the rearview mirror then over his shoulder before turning onto Queen Street. “Rest is sleeping while living your worst nightmares. A coma-like state. A Scar’s body shuts down and requires no need for food or water, just a place for your body to lie protected from the elements and enemies. You can’t escape it or wake until one of our Taldeburu releases you from it. The fucker of it is you relive your past. And not the good parts. Screams. Pain. You know, the worst shit you could ever imagine playing over and over in your head. You’re on the sidelines watching, unable to look away.” He turned to look at me. “Heard your screams. Gemma’s screams. My screams. It was a fuck of a rough six months.”
Holy shit. Six months? That’s where he’d been? In Rest? And who was Gemma? “I don’t understand. Why? Who would do that to you?” My stomach cramped at the thought of Kilter suffering something so horrible for the last six months while I had thought he’d ignored me. “Kilter? Why were you put in Rest?”
“Doesn’t matter, babe,” Kilter said.
“I want to know.”
“Too bad.”
I tried another approach. “Please.”
He sighed. “I disagreed with Waleron, lost my shit, and he put me in Rest.”
Disagreed with Waleron? A cold wave of dread swept over me. “Oh, my God, that day. It was about me?”
“Yeah. But I was put in Rest because I attacked him and the other Scars. Waleron warned me, I didn’t listen.” He pulled over and I noticed we were in the back alley outside Danni’s gallery. “He woke me this morning.” He reached over and linked my fingers with his resting on my thigh. “Rayne, I don’t know what’s between us, but it’s something, and I’m not going anywhere.”
That didn’t sound like the Kilter I knew. I had to admit I didn’t know him very well, but in the time we’d been together, I’d been at my most vulnerable and he’d been crass, rude, and controlling.
But as much as I could trust someone, I did Kilter. Because he was honest. When he talked to me, it wasn’t with pity or with lies or with sympathy. There was no pretending.
And that was in his kiss—raw and possessive and completely overwhelming. But despite wanting him, I needed to be on my own before I could share myself with anyone else. I wasn’t ready for someone like Kilter. I wasn’t ready for any man.
“I know this isn’t much, but I’m sorry for what happened to you.” I paused. “But it’s taken a long time to get where I am, and one step in the wrong direction is ten steps back.”
He scowled. “You think I’m the wrong fuckin’ direction?” I didn’t say anything, because he wasn’t exactly the wrong direction, just the wrong time. “That’s complete bullshit, Rayne. You feel what’s between us, too, and you know I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
“I didn’t say that. I know you wouldn’t. It’s just you’re… overwhelming, and I don’t need overwhelming.”
“I saved your goddamn life.”
Whoa. I stiffened, glaring at him. “Really? Are we back to that again? I had one asshole in my life, don’t need another.” The words slipped from my mouth, and the second they did, it was too late. I couldn’t take them back. I saw the shock on his face as his eyes widened then narrowed as his brows lowered.
