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“At least not out loud, you mean?”
I chuckled and nodded, then sobered. “I don’t know if I’m really submissive, Joshua.”
“Excuse me?” He blinked. “Did you not see the same woman I did in the mirror last night?”
“Yes, but that’s different. I mean, I saw that side of myself, but the other side of me wasn’t even in the same room last night. There are tons of subs out there that are strong and compliant. Why can’t I be more like them?”
“Because everyone is different. Don’t compare yourself to others, girl. Remember the analogy about the shoes?”
I nodded, wiping my tears.
“You still haven’t broken them back in yet. It’s too soon. I told you they were going to feel uncomfortable, remember?” He smiled as I nodded once more. “I’m not going to let you toss them back in the closet and slam the door, Mellie. I’m just letting you go barefoot again so you can feel a firm foundation under your sexy feet. Understand?”
Choking out a sob of relief, I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him.
“Shhh. Don’t cry, baby. I’m not going to let you leave me. We’re going to get through this together, I promise.” His conviction was like a balm to my soul.
Joshua wasn’t going to let me shut him out. He wasn’t going to let me get lost or tangled in the strings I still hadn’t figured out how to unravel. No, he had every intention of being by my side, to guide and lean on when I needed him, to protect and care for me through the dark and through the light.
Strumming his fingers up and down my spine, he feathered kisses over my head. As he held me tight, I realized somewhere along the way, I’d fallen in love with him. But ironically there was no panic, no stranglehold of fear, just an overwhelming warmth surrounding and filling my heart. Why wasn’t I freaking out?
Because you’ve searched for him your whole life, you’ve just been too stubborn to admit it. Wanting—or God forbid—needing a man made the mighty Melinda Carson inadequate. Joshua strengthens you; you finally understand that now. Your irrational fear of commitment wasn’t about losing someone close to you again. Deep down you knew that you’d never be whole until you found that one perfect person. All the men before him were nothing but stepping stones leading you to the mountain. Joshua is your mountain, Mellie, and you damn well know it.
That little voice inside my head was right.
Every man I’d dated wanted to change something about me. That’s why it was so easy for me to walk away from them, but not Joshua Lars, aka Master Stephen. No, he accepted me—imperfections and all—without forcing me to fit into some preconceived mold. He wanted to cherish my submission, nurture it and help it grow, not force it down my throat until I choked. Only a true Dom would put the emotional welfare of his submissive before his own needs.
Joshua had accused me of blindsiding him, but it was crystal clear, he’d done the very same to me. Leaning back from his embrace, I sniffed and issued a tiny, trembling smile. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d do what you always do, princess. Kick ass and take names. So, put your boots back on. I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy the show.”
Something about his unabashed glee kicked my suspicions into high gear. “You’re not going to keep a little black book of transgressions and punish me for the things I do or say later, are you?”
He laughed. “Now, would I do something that devious?”
“In a heartbeat.” I grinned.
“No, little one, I’m not. You find the headspace you need to cope. I’ll get your sexy ass back on the straight and narrow soon.”
“Okay. I’ll do my best to behave, but no guarantees.”
“I didn’t expect any.” He kissed my forehead and winked before his expression turned somber. “I need to call Pruett back. While you get dressed, I’ll hit the shower. We’ll grab breakfast on the way out of town. We need to keep moving.”
On the road again, Joshua held my hand as I kept my focus off Davis and let my mind flutter through all the ways Joshua had touched my heart. The miles stretched into hours, interrupted only for bathroom breaks, fuel stops, drive-through fast foods, and an occasional switch of driver duty. Though, we’d received numerous phone calls, and made even more, there was no news. Ian wasn’t able to come up with anything from the image Joshua had sent him. The sunglasses he’d worn resulted in inconclusive matches. Ian was sorting through a mountain of ‘maybes’ that would take days instead of hours, and even then, there was no guarantee of a match.
When I spoke with Sanna, she sounded a bit calmer, but I could tell she was a nervous wreck. I needed to wrap her in my arms before she’d be convinced I was perfectly safe. James and his fellow officers had been scouring the city, both on and off duty, searching for Davis, but had no new leads as to his whereabouts. I tried to tell myself that no news was good news, but I wasn’t doing a very convincing job of it. The closer we got to Chicago, the higher my anxiety rose.
After two days on the road, Joshua stopped outside Joliet to refuel and grab some lunch. An hour and a half later, he turned onto a gravel road surrounded by a dense forest, and squeezed my hand.
“We’re almost there, little one.”
“Good. I don’t want to have to get back in this car for a week.” I laughed, relieved and happy to see my family again.
As we pulled up to the massive lodge, I blinked. In my head I’d pictured a small rustic cabin; instead, I stared at a huge majestic and luxurious mansion. The tall, thick trees surrounding it resembled an impenetrable fortress. I knew now why Joshua had brought me here.
As soon as he put the car in gear, the front door burst open and Sanna rushed off the porch and down the stairs. She hopped impatiently next to my window with tears in her eyes, and my chin quivered as I ripped off my seatbelt and jumped from the car.
Yanking her into my arms, I held her tight.
