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I sat quietly, strumming my thumb over his and listening as he opened up about his past.
“We never formally joined any lifestyle groups. Hell, I didn’t even know Genesis existed until after she was gone, but we invented our own power exchange, I guess you could say. Our desires were polar opposite. She was a natural born sub, and me?” He shrugged. “A Dom. I haven’t let anyone touch me below the surface since she died, until you.”
Staring out at the road, lost in memories, he fell silent for several long seconds.
“Surviving isn’t easy, but I can’t wrap my head around how you cope and survive after losing little Camille.”
Joshua swallowed tightly. I swore tears welled in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Mellie. I’m not ready to talk about her yet. I don’t know that I’ll ever be.”
I trailed my fingers over the side of his face. “You don’t have to. It’s okay.”
Blinking rapidly, he cleared his throat.
“I owe you an explanation for what happened that night in my room at the club. The night I lost my mind and my control,” he scoffed softly. “When you brought out the amazing submissive inside you and begged to please me…begged me to use you hard?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“I haven’t had a submissive draw out my Dominance in such a profound way since Veronica died.” Silently, I drew his hand to my lips and placed a soft kiss upon the back of it. “I’m so fucking sorry I lost it that night and hurt you. I could sit here and make excuses for my behavior till the sun comes up, but I’m not going to do that to you, or to us. I’ve thought a lot about that night. I realized I hadn’t totally come to terms with losing my wife and daughter, or that level of Dominance.”
“I did it on purpose,” I softly confessed. He darted a glance at me with a quizzical expression. “I didn’t want you holding back on me. I wanted all of you and your Dominance. That’s why I begged so hard, and it was beautiful. You were beautiful.”
“Thank you for telling me that, little one. It helps ease my guilt.” He gave my hand a squeeze before he continued. “I hadn’t realized that I’d not dealt with the past until it came up and grabbed me by the throat. You took me out at the knees, totally blindsided me, Mellie. The flashback was brutal. I tried so hard to shove all those feelings back in place.” He darted a bittersweet smile my way. “I never expected to feel whole again.”
“You feel guilty that you couldn’t save them, don’t you?”
“I did.” He nodded. “But not anymore. Veronica wouldn’t want me putting a tourniquet on my heart or my Dominance. She’d want me keep living my life to the fullest. I want that, too, with you. Want all of it with you. Not just a few days. Not a week here or there. I want to be the Dominant part of your life—in every sense of the word.”
Gripped by his profound declaration, no tendrils of fear or sinister panic assaulted. Before I could second-guess my timing, I turned toward Joshua and inhaled a steady breath.
“I’ve decided to move to Chicago.”
Snapping his head my direction, he blinked. “Just like that?”
I giggled. “Yes. I’m either a fool or I’ve lost my mind, but yes. I’ve tried to convince myself this connection we share won’t last. I still don’t know if it will, but when I was in England, all I could think about was coming back to you. I couldn’t erase you from my mind. It was even hard for me to totally focus on work. It’s never been like that before. I’m tired of fighting this crazy wire that runs between us.”
This time he was the one who drew my hand to his lips.
“So, would it freak you out completely if I told you I’ve fallen pretty hard for you?”
My heart literally skipped a beat. “I-I. Yes. Yes, it would.”
“Fair enough. I’ll save that for a later conversation.” He shrugged with a wolfish grin.
“Good idea,” I mumbled, swallowing tightly.
Several silent minutes passed as Joshua’s claim swirled through my head like a tornado. I cared for him deeply, but was it love? I’d never been in love with someone before. Infatuated, yes. But it usually wore off in a few days. Weeks had passed, and it still hadn’t worn off with Joshua. Time would tell.
Reaching Albuquerque a little past midnight, Joshua pulled into a resort. When we checked in, he requested the penthouse suite. Too exhausted to squabble over his extravagant choice, I remained quiet. I wasn’t going to argue if he wanted to pamper me.
After ordering champagne and strawberries from room service, Joshua filled the massive spa tub. Slowly stripping me bare, he kissed my shoulders, neck, and breasts before clutching me to his hard body and claiming my mouth. His forceful control made my head swim and my heart soar. Mentally and physically wiped out, I held onto him, grateful he’d been the one by my side through the most craptastic and magnificent day of my life. While I had no desire to re-live the terror Davis Walker orchestrated, I’d take Joshua opening up and sharing pieces of his heart with me any day.
Joshua led me to the tub. After easing down into the swirling hot water, I watched him unbutton his shirt and peel it off. Dropping my gaze, I stared at his taut, lean muscles, the wiry blond hair between his flat brown nipples, and his washboard abs. My mind filled with memories of the perfection I had found beneath his powerful body. It was as if I’d waited a lifetime for the man, and in many ways I had.
“Please,” I whispered boldly.
“What is it you want?”
“To touch you,” I murmured as he knelt by the side of the tub.
