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ChapterOne
Istood beneath the faded green awning, staring at the gleaming mahogany casket.The sparkling brass handles mocked the warmth that had been ripped from my soul.A cold rain splattered upon the canopy while somber-faced friends gathered beneath it to show their respect.Across the gravesite, seated in fabric covered folding chairs, I watched as the well-rehearsed tears spilled down the cheeks of his ex-wife.His hateful daughter tried to soothe the ice queen’s theatrics.Neither woman was there to mourn the loss of the man I loved but to masquerade as grieving victims until the fat inheritance landed in their laps.
The monotone voice of the minister resonated in my ears.None of his words of comfort penetrated the numb void that had consumed me for days.I was all but dead inside; just as dead as my beloved Master, who would soon be lowered into the black earth hollowed out below him.And God help me, I wanted to go with him.Not because I wanted to die, but because I couldn’t imagine life without him.
The honorable George Bartholomew Marston, State Supreme Court Justice for the past four decades, was being laid to rest.I felt as if I was outside my own body.Friends and family stood in a line before passing the casket one last time, placing blood-red roses atop the gleaming wooden box.I felt as if I’d been transported into a macabre movie, one I could barely watch but helplessly had to endure.
George’s best friend and fellow judge, Reed Landes, stepped up to the coffin; his eyes were rimmed red, and the distinguished man’s chin quivered.I swallowed back a sob.Pain wrapped its icy hands around my heart and squeezed.It was almost time to say goodbye; however, that was beyond my comprehension.
A firm, steady hand enveloped my shoulder.Glancing up, I gazed into the compassionate amber eyes of Mika LaBrache; friend, Dominant, and owner of the BDSM club, Genesis.I’d spent countless hours basking in my Master’s adoration at Mika’s club.His submissive, Julianna, dabbed at the tears on her cheek before smoothing a hand over her very pregnant belly.I couldn’t ignore how life mirrored death.A new life grew inside her.A life that she and Mika would love, protect, and cherish—while the man who’d loved, protected, and cherished me was gone.It was so fucking unfair.
“It’s time to lay your rose on the casket, Leagh.”Julianna wrapped her fingers around my arm as I glanced down at the dark red rose gripped in my fist.Opening my hand, tiny red dots blossomed in the center of my palm.The thorns were smeared in crimson.It seemed like hours had passed since Trevor handed me the flower.Strange, I had no recollection of it piercing my flesh.
“I can’t do it,” I choked, swallowing back the tears I’d held inside for days.Even knowing a part of me would be interred with George forever did little to ease my devastation.Sucking in a ragged breath, I willed myself to remain strong.I refused to allow George’s ex or daughter to revel in my pain or glean the depth of my love for him.They’d only use it as a weapon against me.
It had been humiliating enough, while standing on the church steps, when George’s ex-wife demanded I be barred from the memorial service.Luckily, Drake, an imposing leather Dom from Genesis, leaned down and whispered something into the haughty bitch’s ear.She’d sputtered and paled before she’d jerked her nose in the air and stormed inside the chapel.If it hadn’t been for Drake’s intervention, I never would have gathered the courage to attend the devotion.I’d shielded my grief from the hateful shrew then; I wasn’t about to let her see a chink in my armor now.
With a nod of understanding, Mika lifted the rose from my palm and set it atop the copious pile of flowers adorning the casket.When he returned, Julianna wrapped her arm around my waist, attempting to lead me from the gravesite.My entire body froze.I couldn’t move.I didn’t want to.Stepping from beneath the awning meant I’d be forced to face a future without George.Even more unbearable was the fact that I would be leaving him alone, entombed in the cold black earth.
“Can you give us a little help here?”Mika murmured to Tony Delvaggio, the familiar Dom, Sadist, Dungeon Monitor, and resident shrink of Genesis.
He was a hulk of a man who always called me “brat” to my face—and meant it.The same one who set butterflies dipping and swooping in my stomach every time I caught him staring at me in the club.He was erotic beyond words, turning submissive heads—collared or not—every night at Genesis.Tony always sent my pulse racing, even now.It was ridiculous for him to affect me in such a way.Stupid even.I’d always been civil to the man, because he was a Dom and a friend of George’s, but his intense nature made my skin itch in a very uncomfortable way.
Julianna stepped aside as Tony slid a thick arm around my shoulder.He was warm and solid.I tried to ignore the way he made my heart skitter.
“I’ve got her, Mika.You just keep Julianna and that little bun in the oven dry.We’ll meet you back at the cars.”
Tony raised his umbrella.It opened with a whoosh before he maneuvered me from beneath the canopy.Somehow, I put one foot in front of the other while I focused on Mika escorting Julianna up the hill.He held her close to his side—protective and adoring—enveloping her in comfort, reassurance, and love.
Anguish sliced deep.George was gone, yet Julianna still had all the things I longed for.Even though she was one of my closest friends, envy burned, spreading like a cancer through my veins.Tears stung my eyes as I cast my gaze toward the ground.The wet, brown grass blurred.
“Just a bit farther, Leagh,” Tony encouraged.His voice was husky and deep.
Glancing up at the man, he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.Sorrow and pity replaced his usual piercing gaze.“Are you going back to the church for the luncheon?”
I shook my head.I couldn’t stomach the thought of sharing a meal, let alone the same air, with George’s pretentious ex-wife, Sloane, and his hateful, spoiled daughter, Hayden.“I just want to go home.”
“No problem.I’ll take you.”
After settling me into his car, Tony jogged toward Mika.Through the rain splattered windshield, I watched the two men exchange a few words before Tony hurried back and climbed in behind the wheel.As he started the engine, I couldn’t help but exhale a heavy sigh.The funeral was over.Yet the anxiety and fears that had eaten at me for the past four days weren’t gone.They’d simply been replaced by new ones.
A long, unrelenting list spooled through my head.Most pressing, I had to find a job and a new place to live.Since Hayden was George’s only heir, I wouldn’t be welcome in his stately mansion after the will was read.Even though his elegant home on the shore of Lake Michigan had been my legal residence for the past two and a half years, his vile daughter would force me out as soon as she possibly could.I had a little reprieve, though.Reed Landes, the executor of George’s estate, had assured me that I was welcome to stay until Master’s affairs had been settled.But the clock was ticking, and time was running out.The fairy tale was at its end.
Staring out the foggy window, I watched the scenery rush past while I tempered the growing ache to crawl into bed, snuggle between the sheets, and absorb the waning vestiges of George’s scent.Hold tight to his ghost for as long as possible before I had to find a way to say goodbye.
“If you need someone to talk to…someone to help you work through the stages.My door is always—”
“What stages, Tony?”I cut him off with a scathing glare.“There are no stages.There’s nothing but a hole in my heart the size of the universe.There’s not a damn thing you can do or say to wake me up from this nightmare.”
He cast a sideways glance and pressed his lips in a narrow line while waves of tension rolled off his body, filling the scant distance between us.No doubt, he was pissed at my snippy reply.Good.Maybe he’d shut up and drive and stop making me feel like one of his patients.
“The stages of grief, Leagh,” he replied, dashing my dreams of a silent trip home.“You’re not ready to move past denial and anger yet.I get that.I’m simply extending the offer.When the time comes and you’re ready to start healing again, I’m here if you need to talk.”
“Healing?”A humorless laugh escaped my lips.“I’m trying to survive ten seconds at a time without falling apart at the seams.I haven’t even started thinking about healing.”
“There’s nothing wrong with falling apart.It takes time, but it will get better.”
“I’m not sure I want it to,” I murmured as he turned onto the long driveway.
