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Raising my chin mulishly, I gave a curt nod.“Fine.You’re a DM, so I assume you have a master key that will unlock George’s door, correct?”
“I do.”
“Then would you please let me in the room,Sir?”
“Only because you asked so nicely,” Tony smirked as he slid the key into the lock.Pausing, his shoulders stiffened.He turned, and his dark eyes softened.“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?”
“No.I’m not ready at all.But frankly, I’m out of options.”I choked back a sob, quickly swallowing it down.“Please.Just open the damn door.”
“No, angel, you’re not out of options,” Tony sighed, tipping my chin up with his fingers.“We can leave here.I’ll take you shopping, get you a phone, whatever you need.We can grab some dinner.Then, I’ll take you home and get you settled into one of my guest rooms.You don’t have to stay here and put yourself through this.Thereareother options, Leagh.”
It would be so easy to take him up on his offer and walk away from the painful ghosts waiting on the other side of the door.But I couldn’t remain suspended in the murky limbo I’d been trapped in for the past four days.I had to find a way to work past my grief and carry on, even though I was scared senseless.
“Please, Tony.Don’t make me beg; just unlock the door.”
“Christ, Leagh.Do you always have to be so fucking stubborn?”
“Yes.If I’m going to survive this, stubborn is the only way I’ll make it through,” I whispered.
With a heavy sigh, Tony swung the door open.
ChapterFour
The spicy scent of George’s cologne as it wafted from the room was a kick in the gut.Swallowing back a cry, I fingered the switch on the wall and flipped on the lights.Nothing prepared me for the barrage of memories that inundated me.Safety, comfort—hollow.Laughter, love—empty.Yearning, need—anguish.
Tony clasped my shoulder and gave a tender squeeze.“I’m here if you need me.”
Without looking back, I nodded and stepped through the door, closing it behind me.Two steps into the room I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath.Sandalwood and spice filled my senses.In the silence of the room, I felt my heart reach out to George, craving to give him my surrender one last time.The harsh reality that he’d never again fulfill my submission was a tight fist gripping my heart.
Stripping away my wet clothes where I stood, I decided to forego the shower and crawled onto the bed, snuggling beneath the clean sheets.The blanket still held his scent, and I gathered it to my face, breathing him in as bittersweet memories crowded my mind.
“I miss you so much, Master.I’ve been numb since you left me.I’m sorry for letting Tony touch me, but for the first time since you left me, I felt alive.It felt like I’d finally taken a breath again, but I’m so sorry.”Tears dampened the blanket.“My whole world has been yanked out from beneath me.Why did you have to die?I miss you so much.”
Sobs cracked my voice as I curled into a tight ball and savored his fragrance.
“I’m so lost without you.I don’t know what to do.I’d give anything to spend one more day with you, surrounded by you, wrapped in your arms.Please.Help me find a way to go on without you.”
More pain bubbled to the surface as memories bombarded me.I was helpless to do anything but let the crushing grief consume me.
“Nothing’s ever going to be the same,” I sobbed.“I need to touch you, hold you, feel your calming caress.I’m so fucking scared, George.All those times you whispered in my ear, telling me it was going to be all right… it’s never going to be alright, again.Is it?Who is going to hold me when the nightmares come?Who is going to talk me off the ledge when the fears swallow me up?I can’t do this without you.I don’t know how to go on, George.I’m terrified.I don’t know what to do.”Screaming the words, my throat burned, and my head pounded.
“Help me, George!I can’t survive this.It hurts too much.Why did you have to go?”
I remained coiled in the covers for hours, pleading with him to find a way back to me—to ease my grief, my agony, my fears.Even after my tears refused to fall, sobs scraped the back of my throat.Exhausted and fragmented, I hugged his pillow to my chest.Closing my eyes, I prayed sleep would save me from the agony that pumped through my veins.
Slumber evaded, and eventually, my keening cries subsided.A strange noise emanating from the bookcase, against the wall near the door, captured my attention.My brows furrowed as I strained, listening to the soft buzz.
My guts seized.So swamped with grief, I’d failed to remember the hidden cameras and microphones fitted in the private rooms.I was being observed.Since no one else was in the club except for Tony and me, I knew he’d watched me fall apart.
Anger spiked as I envisioned him in Mika’s office, leaning forward in the soft leather chair, staring into the monitor with a notepad and pen in hand, frantically scribbling down every word of my insane pleas to George.Tony had overstepped his authority as Dungeon Monitor.He had no reason to eavesdrop on me.I hadn’t been engaging in a scene that required scrutiny for safety’s sake.As if it were his right to spy on me, Tony had taken it upon himself to dissect my grief.Prying son of a bitch.
As the soft sound of angry bees emanated from the shelves, I bolted out of bed and raced to the bookcase.Peering into the camera lens, I narrowed my eyes.
“You’re an asshole, Tony!”I spat before raising my middle finger to flip him off.“Leave me the fuck alone.You don’t have permission to slice open my psyche, you got it?Go to hell!”
I slammed a book over the lens, blocking his view, and stomped to bathroom.Splashing cold water on my face, I cursed Tony.When Mika arrived at the club later, he was going to get an earful.I had every intention of demanding that he strip the surveillance equipment from George’s room.
Fueled by my fury, I angrily wiped a towel over my face before storming back toward the room.With a mighty crash, the door burst open.Spinning toward the commotion, I yelped and impulsively tried to cover my naked body with my hands.
