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“No.”I shook my head.“I can’t run away from my feelings, Tony.If I give into them, they’ll drag me under.I have to plow straight through them and put the pieces back in place.”
“I understand, angel.But if it’s too much, I’ll take it away…Calm the chaos and give you a bit of mental peace.”
“Thank you,” I sniffed, wishing it wasn’t so easy to feel safe with him.
“What do you need right now, Leagh?”
I clung to his body and sobbed, missing George and needing his reassurance now more than ever.Vanquishing my fears wasn’t Tony’s responsibility, but the tattered pieces of my heart needed mending, and I couldn’t find enough thread in my soul to do the job alone.
“I need you to talk to me,” I sniffed.“I can’t sort my feelings out.They’re too jumbled, and I don’t know where to start.”
“We can get them organized.Come on.”Tony snagged a towel off the rack and patted my face dry.With a firm but gentle hand clasped around my elbow, he led me to the bed.“Lie down and scoot over a little bit.”
I scooched to the center of the bed, and Tony climbed in next to me.Wrapping me in his arms, he rolled me to my side, and hugged me tight against him.Lying in his arms, I silently damned the weak, frightened woman inside me, while cursing the unrelenting attraction I felt toward him.Still, I took what he offered without apology.I needed his strength.
“I want you to close your eyes and take some deep breaths.Focus on the sound of my voice and clear your mind.Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”Meshed against his strong body, I closed my eyes and absorbed his surging warmth as I tried to quell the fears of what tomorrow might bring.
“Good girl.You’re doing wonderfully.I want all your focus on my voice as you let your body go lax.Release all the tension in your muscles.”I exhaled a deep sigh as I softened against his steely frame.“Very nice, sweetheart.You’re doing fine.Keep your breathing slow and find a comfortable rhythm.Don’t tense a single muscle.I’m going to ask you some questions, and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your mind.Don’t analyze it.Just respond, understood?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“What scares you most about your meeting with Hayden?”
“That she’ll have me arrested.”
“Have you done something illegal?”
“No.”
“Then, she has no cause to have you arrested.Right?”
“Unless someone says something bad about George.”
“Do you have control over what others say about him?”
“No.”
“Are you going to speak ill of George or tell anyone that he was a member of the club?”
“No.Never.”I shook my head.
“Then her threat is an idle one, angel.She can’t do anything to you.It’s a smoke screen to provoke fear.She’s trying to hold you hostage to other people’s actions.Are you going to give her the power to scare or hurt you?”
“No.I won’t give her a damn thing,” I protested.
“Relax.Breathe.Release your tension again, angel.Good.”
One by one, Tony plucked my fears, held them up for me to inspect before crinkling each one in his fist and tossing it aside.Methodically, he conquered my fears and insecurities with patience, logic, and understanding.
“Do you feel better now?”he asked as his fingers fluttered against my cheek.
“Yes.Thank you.I’m sorry I lost it like that.It crested like a giant wave and pulled me under.I couldn’t stop it.”
“No need to be sorry.The minute you start to feel overwhelmed, do exactly what we did here.Breathe, relax, and take each worry, one by one.And if it’s not working for you, call me, come get me in the dungeon, or text me.I’m here for you, angel, if you’ll let me.”
“I appreciate what you’re doing for me.But I really need to try to do this by myself.”
