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Conor had wished countless times over the years he’d asked her questions about her disease, gotten at least some frame of understanding. Did it run in the family? Did she have anxiety attacks? When did the depression set it?
He was pulled from his thoughts when Luca broke the silence once more. “Looks like we wore our boyfriend out.”
Harper giggled. “We wore him out?”
They shared a quiet laugh, then a kiss, and this time when they fell silent, it stayed that way. He heard their breathing slow as sleep claimed them.
Conor sighed, aware he wouldn’t be getting much rest tonight.
Too hung up on a new word.
Boyfriend.
Conor sat in the passenger side of Luca’s truck as the Philadelphia skyline emerged. He rubbed his eyes wearily. After the whispered baby conversation, Luca and Harper had fallen fast asleep, completely ignorant of what their conversation had done to Conor.
He’d lain there next to them on his back, silently staring at a tiny spot on the ceiling, playing the three-three-three game—identifying three objects, three sounds, slowly moving three body parts. His panic attacks typically started in the middle of the night, when all the worries were somehow amplified in the darkness, in the silence.
His subconscious was not a friend, always lurking and working in the background, until it decided to wake him up from a sound sleep and sucker punch him straight into an anxiety attack.
Conor knew the only reason he was able to keep an attack at bay last night was because he’d remained awake and vigilant, employing every coping mechanism he’d ever learned. He was an expert on goddamn coping techniques.
“I’ll drop you off first, Conor, then you, Harper.” Luca looked in the rearview mirror at Harper, who was sitting in the backseat. “I need to do my Sunday check at the construction site, then run home for some clean clothes. After that, we can all meet back up at?—”
“That sounds like a lot of running around, Luca,” Conor interjected. “I think maybe we should take a night apart. I’ve got a shit-ton of work to catch up on from missing half a day on Friday, and you admitted yesterday you’ve got a mountain of laundry to tackle.”
Luca looked like he wanted to argue, so Conor persisted.
“I’m going to be stuck at my computer until at least midnight,” he lied.
Luca sighed. “Okay. I know you’re right. I should be an adult and do the fucking laundry, but I’m going on the record right now as saying the idea of spending the night alone in my cold bed sucks.”
“Seconded.” Harper raised her hand like they were in some board meeting.
Luca grimaced. “But it’s critical mass as far as boxers go, so unless I plan to go commando at work tomorrow?—”
“I vote for that.” Harper raised her hand again, and despite his exhaustion, Conor couldn’t help but chuckle.
At least until Luca said, “So I’ll see you tomorrow morning for our coffee break.”
Conor shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t. I’ve got an early meeting.”
Luca had been watching the road, but the next time he spoke, he glanced over at Conor. “Then dinner tomorrow night. I was thinking maybe we should try that new rest?—”
“Sorry. I’m out for dinner too. There have been some staffing concerns at Enigma, and I need to get a handle on them.” Conor cleared his throat, every additional lie getting harder to tell. He needed to put the brakes on this thing before…
There was no before, because it was already too late. Conor had let things between the three of them go too far.
He was in love with them.
He ran a hand through his hair, staring out the passenger window, relieved when he realized they were turning onto his street, his building right there. Only a few more minutes and he could make good on his escape.
No one spoke until Luca pulled into the parking garage next to Conor’s private elevator.
“Tuesday then.” Luca put the car in park, staring Conor down.
“It’s kind of a busy week,” he started. “I really need to check my schedule before we make plans.”
Luca shook his head. “No. You’re not doing this again. Conor, you don’t have to run away from us. We can take things slow, get to know each other as lovers. There’s no race to the end, so you can take as much time as you need to get where I am. To fully understand what this is between us.”
