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And maybe that’s why I’m excited today and not worried. My life feels more whole than it ever has before—and I’ve been thinking more and more about my future away from the Sharks…gettingexcited about it instead of dreading it. I have Nora to thank for that, because watching her pursue this new season in her career has inspired me to want my own.
Whatever the outcome today—even if I play my shittiest game ever and get cut immediately after, I know I’ll be okay. There’s more out there for me than just football.
Still…I plan to play a hell of a game.
“You ready?” Nathan asks, coming up beside me and slamming a hand into my shoulder pads. He’s already in uniform, helmet in hand, grinning like he can see into the future.
I nod and reach for my helmet from my locker. “More than ready.”
“And if you play like shit?”
“Still ready.”
He nods with a smile and gets ready to walk away when Jamal interrupts, looking in the mirror in his locker. “Tell me, you guys…does it suck waking up every morning knowing you’ll never look as good as me?” He smirks at his reflection, diamond earring glinting in the light.
Price, who’s sitting on the bench in front of his locker looking more exhausted than I’ve ever seen him, looks up at Jamal. “Do me a favor? When you get tackled today, picture my smiling face the whole time.”
Jamal pretends to pout. “Someone a little grumpy from not sleeping with the new baby around? Don’t worry. I’ll pick up your slack on the field today.”
Price stands and towers over Jamal. “Go ahead, little chicken nugget. Taunt me some more.”
Jamal pats Price’s chest, not at all intimidated by his height. “Oh good. You’re awake now.”
Nathan shakes his head. “Jamal, one of these days you’re really going to get the crap beat out of you.”
Jamal only grins wider and runs a hand over the side of his head. “And I’ll still look good.”
“All right,” Lawrence says, stepping into the circle and drawing all eyes to him. “It’s almost time. And I just want to say…” He looks at everyone and his eyes fall to me last, holding my gaze. “I’m proud to play with all of you. And proud to call you my friends.”
I frown and cross my arms. “The hell, Lawrence? Is that supposed to be my farewell speech?”
His face flushes and all of the guys laugh. “No. Not at all. I just wanted you to know that no matter what happens—”
“What’s going to happen?” I interrupt, lifting my chin and letting my arrogance fuel me.
Lawrence sees it and nods with a smile. Everyone does. It’s been a minute since I’ve felt this familiar confidence pump through my veins, and clearly, they’ve noticed its absence.
Nathan smirks. “Oh damn. Derek’s got his bedroom eyes.”
Jamal cringes. “Is this what Nora has to look at right before you—”
“Oh, yes. Please do finish that sentence, because I would love to respond to it.”
“So many threats today, gentlemen!” Jamal raises his hands with an indulgent smile. “Does no one appreciate my attempts to liven you guys up before a game?”
“I appreciate you,” says Lawrence, with such tender gratitude there’s no way it could be misconstrued as sarcasm. No one would guess that this man is about to become feral in the stadium in a few minutes.
“All right, all right,” says Nathan, stepping in the middle of all of us. “Real speech time…” We have a formal huddle with the whole team on the field—but this one is tradition for the five of us. A minute for us to regroup and get ready. Nathan gives the first speech of the season each year, and we rotate every week after that. And just incase this really does end up being the last one I hear from him, I savor it.
“There’s been a lot of change for each of us this year. We’ve had babies.” He looks at Price. “We’ve gotten married.” He looks at me. “We’ve gotten a second ear piercing.” He looks at Jamal. “We’ve had poems published.” He looks at Lawrence and stops there, oddly not adding any monumental moments for himself. “It’s been a good year and I’m thankful to have walked with each of you through it. And today…I’m thankful to walk on that field with you too. It’s going to be a good season. But mainly because I’m playing beside my friends…”
There’s a beat of silence because no one trusts themselves not to get emotional. Everyone’s eyes have suspiciously dropped to the carpet and there’s sounds of throats clearing and aggressive sniffs.
Finally, Nathan finishes while looking right at me. “Let’s give ’em hell today, boys.”
—
We run out of the tunnel and the crowd’s cheering rips through me. The sun is hot and the sky is as blue as the day I kissed Nora on the beach. The memory of her has me squinting up into the stands to find her. She has use of my private box, but she didn’t want to sit in it today. She wanted to take her usual seat in the stands—the seat I had no idea she’d been occupying for the last several years.
