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“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yep. Totally fine.” I wipe my cheeks and sit up. “Can I ask you a question?” I lean closer. “Officer Phillips?”
“You can call me Justin.”
“Justin. Great name. Let me ask you, Justin. Have you ever been in love?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Oh god,please don’t call me ma’am unless you really want me to end it. I’ve had a day—no, I’ve had a month from hell. The last thing I need is to be mistaken for an old maid.”
“I’m sorry—”
“Justin, have you ever had someone just fall into your life?”
“Well, my—”
“And completely mess with your whole being?”
“My—”
“And I’m talking, ‘hi, nice to meet you, bam!’” Startling him, I slap my hands together. “They’re all up in all of your business, scrambling everything you thought you knew?” He opens his mouth but doesn’t bother trying to talk again. “If you haven’t, you are one lucky guy. It sucks.”
And it sucks because I fell for that asshole. “But!” I wipe my cheeks. “This is a blessing in disguise. Can you imagine if we’d actually worked out and gotten married? Had kids? A cute little dog named Wilson? And he just decided one day it wasn’t what he wanted? Can you even imagine?”
“I—”
“This isn’t what he signed up for. And I’ll tell you what he’s never getting again…this.” I swipe my hands up and down my body. “No, siree. It’ll be a cold day in hell.”
I breathe out and look at Justin through the rearview mirror. “Do you know what I mean?”
He hesitates, then opens his mouth and replies, “I just got married and have a baby on the way.” I see the nervous guilt in his eyes.
“Oh my god.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“No, you didn’t upset me! That is so… beautiful,” I say, then proceed to sob my eyes out.
I eventually pull myself together. It’s that or Justin pulling over to ditch me on the side of the road. I convince him I’m not really crazy. It’s just… love will do that to people. Then I backtrack. I didn’t mean to say love. I’m not in love with that big jerk. Then I get mad at Justin because he tells me he doesn’t believe me. And, fuck,Idon’t believe me. Am I in love with him? I sure as hell hope not.
“Honestly, if I was, I would be more upset.” Another confused gaze. “I’m not that upset.”
“Okay—”
“Right? Is this how you acted when you figured out you were in love with Ruth?” Ruth, who I learned is his wife, sounds absolutely wonderful. They were high school sweethearts and just got married last year. Ruth found out she was pregnant shortly after. In four short weeks, they’re expecting their first child, a girl. “Actually, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I’m going to diagnose myself and say this is definitely not love. It’s like eating bad oysters and having diarrhea for days after.”
“I’ve never tried oysters.”
“Me either, but can you imagine? Sucking down a raw fish? Gross!” I shiver. “Change of subject, please. I’m done pining over a guy who only thought of me as temporary. Have you ever played the name game?”
The six-hour drive goes by surprisingly quick. We stop so I can use the restroom and take Justin up on his offer to sit up front, then spend most of the ride playing the name game, which Justin is impressively good at. He tells me more about his wife and their plans, and I “oooh” and “ahhh” over every one of them, suggesting Mindy as a great girl’s name.
“Here we are,” Justin says as we approach my apartment building. It’s strange being here. I climb out, and Justin follows, grabbing my bag from the backseat. “I’ll walk you up.”
“There’s no need. I’m good.”
“It’s no trouble. Plus, I was strictly instructed to walk you inside and ensure you’re okay.”
