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I’ve followed him my whole life. While my other siblings rebelled, I was always the one to follow his every command. My duty was so much more, as the eldest, but I had hoped the loyalty I’d always shown him would be enough to allow me this one request. I shouldn’t have been surprised by his denial, but I was.
When I made the decision to run away with Teigan, I expected it to gut me. In reality, choosing her was the easiest decision I’ve ever made. Nobody knows. We have one more day, and then tomorrow evening, we’re meeting at the train station, and we’re getting out of here.
Everything is in place. We both have places at university, and we have a flat rented in Tee’s name. Our future is set, we just have to get through the next twenty-four hours, and then we can be together forever.
We meet that night, like we do most nights. I drive to pick Teigan up from the diner where she works. She finishes at eight, and I always give her a lift home. I usually get to the diner early, and she makes me my favourite milkshake. I sit at the counter and just watch her as she works.
It’s just her and her mum at home, so she’s been working a lot to save money for university. When I turned eighteen, a small portion of my trust fund transferred into my bank. My father was against it, but it’s something Mum insisted on.
She said that we haven’t really been paid for all the work we’ve been doing for the family whilst underage, and this is thebest way to show thanks. It allows us a bit of independence that we otherwise wouldn’t have had.
Finn isn’t bothered about the money, but Liam is counting down the days until he receives his. He sees it as his ticket out of here, to get as far away from this life as possible. Freya feels the same, whereas Ryleigh just wants to buy a motorbike. She’s only ten, and already she’s making me go grey at the thought of how much I’m going to have to protect her when she’s a teenager.
For a moment, I wonder if I’ll be around to protect her. When I leave, I’m not just leaving the lifestyle behind, I’m also leaving my family. We are typical siblings, so we argue like fucking crazy, but I love each and every one of them.
The thought of leaving them behind, of maybe never seeing them again, it guts me. But I don’t have a choice. Father has made it clear I can’t have both Teigan and the life he wants for me. He’s forcing me to choose, and I’m not sure he’s going to like my decision.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Tee asks from her side of the counter, pulling me out of my head.
“Sorry, miles away,” I mutter, and she gives me a small smile.
“Wanna talk about it?”
After over two years together, she knows I’m still not very good at showing emotions or talking about my feelings. She’s incredibly patient with me, and she never pushes me to say more than I want to. Still, she reaches over and places her hand on top of mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze to let me know she’s here if I need her.
“Just worried about the girls. My brothers can take care of themselves, but the girls are so young. When I leave, I won’t be able to protect them,” I reply, my gaze focused on where her hand envelopes mine, and I pull strength from her warmth.
“What do you want to do?” she asks quietly.
I shake my head and my brow furrows. “I don’t know, Angel. I don’t think there’s anything I can do. I just want them to be safe. I guess… Maybe it’s because I can’t say goodbye?”
Even though I’m one-hundred percent sure of my decision to leave, the closer we get to the time, the more a pit forms in my stomach. Not because I’m leaving, as I know that’s the right thing to do, but going without saying goodbye has been eating away at me.
If I tell them I’m going, giving me the chance to say goodbye, there’s a high chance Father will find out what I’m planning, and will find a way to stop it. So leaving without telling anyone guarantees we will get away, but it means I have to give up the goodbye my family deserves.
No matter how sure I am about my decision—choosing my angel—this choice feels significantly harder.
“So tell them,” she replies, sounding so fucking sure, like there’s no other alternative.
I let out a humourless chuckle. “If only it were as simple as that.”
She squeezes my hand, pulling my eyes back up to hers. “It is that easy. Do it just before you leave for the station, then they have no chance to tell your dad, or stop you, but you still get your goodbye.”
The thought of telling my siblings I’m leaving makes me feel ill, even though I know I’m making the right decision. If I stay, my future won’t be my own, and I know Tee will want to stay with me, which means giving up on her dreams—and that’s not happening.
I must be silent for just a moment too long, as her eyes narrow and I can tell she wants to say something, but is thinking the words over in her head, to make sure she gets them right. “Are you sure you want to come with me? You don’t regret making the decision to leave?”
There’s a softness to her voice that makes me ache. She only ever shows her vulnerable side to me, and I hate that I’ve ever made her doubt this. The love I have for her is more powerful than anything else. “No regrets, Angel. You’re all I need.”
Even though a smile spreads across her face, her eyes are tight, and I can tell she’s not sure I mean it.
It’s easier for her. She only has her mum, and she’s not really leaving her behind. Her mum knows she’s moving to England for university, and they will keep in touch. It’s expected for people our age to move away from home, and normal families deal with it perfectly well. The problem is, my family isn’t normal.
My dad doesn’t want me to go off and live a normal life, as that will throw a spanner in the plans he’s had set out for me since birth—or since Liam turned him down when he offered to make him his heir.
I’ve always known my brother, Liam, was the better choice to take over from Father. He’s more ruthless, but also has infinitely more compassion. He demands respect, and people follow him naturally, even though he’s just a teenager. It’s clear he’s a natural leader, but he’s never wanted any part of our world. Just because he’s good at it, doesn’t mean it’s something he wants to do.
I should have been gutted that Father wanted to replace me, but to be honest, I was more upset that Liam wouldn’t do it. If he’d agreed, it would have freed me up to live my own life, to make my own choices. Instead, he got to choose, while I got stuck with the obligations he turned down. The joys of being the eldest.
