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I storm through the house, not stopping until I get to my bedroom, slamming the door closed behind me. Without thinking, I strip out of my suit, no longer wanting to be in the uniform.
I’m so fucking sick of playing the part everyone expects of me.
As soon as I’ve pulled my black sweat pants on, I throw myself back onto the bed, dragging my hands over my face with a groan. Why the hell couldn’t anyone see my point of view? They are all so caught up in doing the right thing, saving the women and children, it doesn’t matter to them how much of my soul I will lose in the process. Then again, they’re not the ones being put in that position, are they? No, I am.
I know I give off this ‘I don’t give a shit’ persona, like I don’t really have a soul, and I don’t care about others, but that’s just the role I was taught to play by Father. The fewer people you care about, the less your enemies have to use against you.
If people think you don’t give a shit about anyone, they won’t get hurt because of you. They’re the lessons he’s been drilling into me for as long as I can remember, and Teigan’s the only one I’ve ever broken those rules for.
I don’t know how long I lie there in the dark, with my head in my hands, but eventually, I hear the door slowly creep open, a splash of light from the hallway leaking into the room. Soft footsteps pad towards me, the door closing again, before I feel the bed beside me dip.
A soft hand grabs hold of each of mine, and as she pulls them away from my face, Teigan hovers above me with a small, tight smile on her face. “Everyone is gone,” she mumbles, her voice barely above a whisper.
I nod once, but I don’t say anything more.
“Can we talk?” she adds tentatively.
With a deep sigh, I sit up, shuffling until my back is resting against the headboard behind me. I pull my knees up to my chest, and wrap my arms around them. It’s a bit of a defensive stance, but it’s the best I can manage right now.
Teigan shuffles further onto the bed, until she’s sitting cross-legged in front of me. Her piercing grey eyes are locked with mine, and I can see how sad she is. I hate that I’m the one who put the dull look there.
“We can talk,” I reply, keeping all the emotion out of my voice. So much so, I sound almost robotic, and I don’t miss the way she winces at my tone.
“I know you don’t like the plan, and I completely respect that. You have a right to choose to be part of this, just like I do. I have to do this to help out the people I was held captive with. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, and I will completely understand if you don’t.” The words tumble quickly out of her lips, like she’s been practising what to say to me, and now that the time’s here, she’s desperate to get it all out.
My brow furrows as I try to make sense of what she’s saying. “So, even if I say I’m not taking part, you will? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes,” she whispers, her gaze dropping to look at her knees.
The rage that is simmering just below the surface, that I’ve been trying with all my strength to control, bubbles over. “Oh, well then. Do you already have a back-up lined up ready to fuck you, or are we holding auditions?” I sneer, hating the way she winces at my tone.
“It’s not like that, Ev. I’m just saying, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” she replies, far too calmly for my liking.
“Fuck that,” I snap. “You’re saying my options are either to watch you get fucked by another guy, or become one of your abusers. Some fucking choice.”
The anger sliding through my veins makes me restless, and I quickly jump off the bed and begin pacing. If I don’t do something, I’m a few seconds away from throwing a punch at the wall, which I know will only scare Tee, and I’m trying not to do that.
“Is that really what you think? That if you do this, I will see you as another of my abusers?” I look over when I hear how small she sounds, and find she’s pulled her legs up to her chest, and is curled up in a ball, her face against her knees like she can’t even look at me.
I slowly sit down on the bed beside her, and place my palms on her cheeks. I lift her head until she’s looking at me. I take a deep breath before I broach the subject we’ve both been avoiding for the last two months.
“Teigan, do you have any idea how painful it was for me the first time I saw you at Club Crimson? I had to sit there and watch you get used and degraded, while the people around me cheered and encouraged that asshole. All I wanted to do was race up onto that stage, take you into my arms, and bring you home, where I knew you’d be safe. Instead, I had to leave you there, not knowing how much danger you would be in.
“It nearly killed me. I barely slept the whole time, and the family had to take turns watching me, because they were convinced I was going to storm off on my own to rescue you. And they were right. I didn’t care how much danger I would have been in, or that it would ruin their plan. All I cared about was saving you.
“But I couldn’t save you. I had to sit there and watch them hurt you, knowing what I saw was only a fraction of what you’d endured. I still have nightmares about what I saw you gothrough, but the worst parts are what my imagination conjures up. All the things I imagine you had to go through.
“Do you know why I force myself to relive those nightmares? Because if you had to suffer through them, then so do I. I never want you to feel alone in what you went through. I want to make sure you never feel even an ounce of that pain ever again.”
Tears leak down her cheeks over my hands, and I wipe every one away, holding her as I do. Her body shudders as the sobs rack through her, and I know all I can do is hold her. I pull her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her as she lays her head on my chest, her tears soaking my bare skin.
“I know we’ve never talked about what I went through, but I think it’s a good idea that we do,” Tee says, hiccuping as she tries to catch her breath.
“Only if you want to,” I mutter, stroking the hair off her forehead, away from her tear-stained cheeks.
“I’ve been so messed up since being there. I still remember how things used to be the last time we were together when we were teens. I used to love dirty, flirtatious, and adventurous sex. You helped me find my sexuality, and that gave me a confidence I didn’t even know I had. I loved being treated like a slut by you—only you.
“When I was with The Sheriff, and he started degrading me and calling me names, I didn’t enjoy it the way I did with you. I knew the way he was doing it was different. You wanted to bring out this sexy side of me, to make me more confident, whereas he just wanted to humiliate me and put me down. But still, having him use the words you used to bring me pleasure, it messed with my head a lot. I started to think maybe I shouldn’t have got pleasure out of you doing it.
