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As the boys nod along and murmur their agreement, I can’t help but feel scorned by the fact that they legitimately believe that she made me better in their eyes. I’ve put my heart on the line for these boys time and time again. I didn’t need anyone to make me better for them. I was already giving them everything I had. “You should hear yourself right now.” I have to shake my head in disbelief. “You lot sound downright foolish. Stick to the football plays, lads, not the poetry. Delaney meant nothing to this team. Nothing to me.”
I’m about ready to storm off the field, toss my playbook to Alf, and have him run practice. I can’t handle this pettiness. I’malready a few yards away from the group when Wilks continues to egg me on from a few feet behind.
“Oh yeah?” he shouts out over to me. “Then you won’t mind if I throw this away, will ya?”
I halt in my tracks, sucking in a breath before I’m inclined to turn on my heels and follow my eyes to his hand, where not one but two bracelets rest.
Mine, which is evident given that it’s snapped in half. That bastard must’ve snuck into my office.
But what takes me even more by surprise is the other. One that’s perfectly round, just the way it was the day it was purchased.
I’d never thought that a silly little one-pound bracelet could evoke anything meaningful in me. I’d wanted to burn it the moment I first set eyes on it. But seeing how Delaney has left it behind almost forces me to choke back some emotion I can feel well up in my throat. Clenching my chest with each breath I take in.
“That’s what I thought.” Wilks takes my silence as confirmation. I almost want to knock that cocky look right off of his face. “But you know what, Coach? You said you’re done with her, right? She meant nothing to you? I guess that means I can just throw them away.” He casually walks towards the bin that rests ahead of the tunnel, and before I can even stop myself, I’m blocking his path.
“What?” Wilks challenges me with a confident step forward. “What are you gonna do?”
“Back up, Wilks.” My voice comes out as a low growl.
Yet, being the prat he can be at times, he remains unwavered. “Not until you agree to talk to Delaney.”
“Seriously,Gary, back up right now.”
Very rarely do I opt to use any of the lads’ first names when addressing them. In fact, I can hardly recall how many times I’vedone it in the years I’ve known them. But right now, there’s no friendliness between us.
“You know, Coach,” he responds, playing with the bracelets in his hands as he speaks. “Maybe itisa good thing Delaney left. Because you’ve been nothing but a dick ever since. I’m glad she’s not here to deal with it.”
I can hardly contain the anger anymore as I shove him away from me, causing him to stumble backward before he regains his balance and immediately pushes me in return.
The field erupts in a series of “woah, woah, woah” and “stop” as the rest of the lads rush forward, pulling us apart from each other. I feel a few of them grab me by the arms and pull me back before I’m seconds away from lunging at him and wrapping my hands around his throat.
“Enough, Warren!” It’s Alf who emerges from the tunnel and reaches me, grabbing onto my shoulders and shaking me back to reality. “You need to stop. You're taking this way too far!”
“Youlot are taking this too far.” My voice is seething as I stare at them all one by one in the eyes, seeing nothing but fear and concern reflected back at me. Little do they know the amount of suffering I’ve endured these past few days. They couldn’t even begin to imagine the half of it.
“We know, Coach,” Wilks, slightly out of breath from our sprawl, speaks gently again as he looks at me. He can’t hold himself back from wanting to reassure me despite his anger. “We’re upset, too.”
“No!” I shake my head in disagreement. He’s just talking to talk. These boys don’t know anything. “It’s easy for you all to tell me to just ‘makeup with her,’ isn’t it? But you didn’t get to know her the way I did...I…I fell in love with this girl.”
The moment the words leave my mouth, I feel a shift in the energy within me and surrounding me. For the first time, I’mhonest with myself. I did fall in love with her. Iamstill in love with her.
It’s just as electrifying as it is terrifying.
I pull myself out of my inner trance and continue speaking, desperate to shake the horrifying reality that is my emotions. “Not only that, I trusted her. I trusted her with you guys.” I watch as their eyes falter, a sense of sadness washing across their faces. Seeing defeat in their eyes is by far one of the worst feelings in the world, surmounted only by the pain I felt as I had to see Delaney disappear in my rearview mirror while I drove away.
“She didn’t care about us, lads; she never did,” I tell them softly, my heart aching at the thought of it. I’d tried so hard these past few days to push that realization to the back of my mind, to convince myself that there was some otherworldly reason that we weren’t meant to be together, but this was the reality. She hadn’t cared about us, and regardless of how much I loved her, sometimes love isn’t enough. “You know that nothing is more important to me than this team,” I pause to clear my throat as I speak, shaking off the emotions that threaten to break through. “And I won’t tolerate anyone coming in between what we’ve set out to do here. It’s you and me, guys. No one else cares about you the way I do. No one.”
It’s silent for a moment, a few of the boys nodding appreciatively before Wilks puts a hand out to stop them, shaking his head in blatant disagreement. “What don’t you understand? It wasn’t just you that connected with her. Sure, you had a different relationship with her. Hell, we all did. But Delaney was a part of our team…and you just sent her away. Who’s to say you won’t just do that to one of us?”
I’m bewildered by his words, shaking my head profusely. “Of course not. I would never turn my back on you. My job is to behere for you guys, no matter the cost. You know that. You all know that…” I meet each one of their eyes in sincerity.
Green stands up, joining Wilks as they stand side by side. “Coach,” his voice is shallow, but I can tell just from his tone that what he’s about to say has depth. “You’ve done everything for us. You’ve been a part of our lives in more ways than we can count. Isn’t that right, lads?”
“It’s true,” Hart agrees, joining in this cluster of outbursts. “Coach, you’re the one who’s at the field at the crack of dawn preparing us for practice.”
It’s Green who’s next to join in. “You’re the person behind every single win we’ve enjoyed and the person who reassures us after every single loss.”
“You’re the one who looks out for us day in and day out,” Wilks finishes singing my praises. “You’ve always been here for us, Coach, but now…” He places a hand on my shoulder. “It’s time for us to be here for you.”
