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The recent events with Jake and Sasha had left me seeking answers, and I knew it was finally time to have the conversations I had been avoiding for too long. I just hoped my father’s heart and mind had been changed since the last time we spoke.
Knocking on the door, I held my breath, anticipating the moment. As my mother opened the door, a shock registered on her face.
“Ethan,” she gasped, “come in, honey.” Her little arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me into a tight hug and reminding me just how much time had passed by. “We’ve missed you so much, son,” she whispered in my ear.
Hugging her back tightly, I noticed my father standing behind her in the doorway.
“Ethan,” he spoke, his eyes revealing a sadness I recognized and another emotion I could not place. “What are you doing here?” he asked cautiously.
“I was in the neighborhood, and thought it’d been a while since we’d seen each other. Can we talk?” I asked my dad.
He nodded slowly and gestured outside to the small, covered patio. Thankfully, the rain that had plagued us the past few days had relented, giving way to a beautiful, mild spring day. I wondered if it was a sign that new beginnings were here again. I just hoped we could mend what had been broken between us.
My mom joined us as we sat in uncomfortable silence, a pitcher of sweet tea and three glasses in her hand.
Trying to break the ice, I asked, “How are things going with the business? I saw Jack today.”
“The market for luxury real estate in D.C. has cooled off quite a bit since the pandemic,” my father responded. “But Jack is still finding new opportunities and out-of-state buyers. We are hoping to expand a bit more out of the city, too,” he said, his voice cautious as his eyes scanned my face.
“That’s great,” I said, taking a long sip of my tea. “Jack told us you and Ryan have started a new venture,” he continued. “Tell us more about that.”
The interest my dad showed in something other than his business surprised me, and I eagerly unfolded the details about the startup to him and my mom as they listened attentively.
“That’s wonderful,” my mom responded, her face beaming. “We always knew you’d be successful in your own right. And how wonderful that your recent travels sparked this idea.”
Sasha sparked this idea. I cleared my throat, trying to remove the auburn beauty I’d lost from my mind as I focused on my mom again.
My dad shifted his eyes down to his glass and then back up to me. His finger tracing some condensation on the glass. I could tell that words were heavy on his lips, so I gave him some space as he worked through his thoughts.
“Ethan,” he spoke tentatively, “there’s a lot I need to apologize for right now and I hope you’ll give me the opportunity to, though I know I don’t deserve it. When you told us all those years ago that you had enlisted, I was furious, and I see now, I was wrong. Grandpa was in the navy, you know, and it was hard on my mom when he was away. Hell, it was hard on me. I missed my dad a lot as a little boy. When he finally returned, he had a tough time transitioning back to civilian life.
“When I started my advisory business, I just assumed you and Jack would take things over one day. I thought I was setting up my legacy for you boys. Instead of being proud of you for doing such a notable thing, I was furious you’d decided to pave your own way, but I was mostly...” his voice pained as he struggled with his last words, “scared”.
He cleared his throat, glancing down at his glass again. “The thought of losing you in war tore me apart. Frankly, I pushed you away to protect myself. I’d had a lot of fear about losing my dad and I projected those on to you.” His eyes shifted down with his final words.
In that moment, I finally saw him for what he truly was – merely a man, a father who had become excessively absorbed in his work, caring for his sons, unable to distinguish between his responsibilities as a business owner and those of a father, leading to occasional lapses in judgment. He was also a son and one who had witnessed his own father’s wounds from war and feared that for me.
“Son, I’m so sorry for how I reacted. I am sorry I missed boot camp, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you after your tour and Jake’s death. I’ve struggled for a long time with how to bridge the chasm that was formed between us, and the more time that went by, the harder it became for me to figure out a way through because frankly, I wouldn’t blame you for hating me and never wanting to see me again. We’re proud of everything you’ve ever done, and will continue to do, and I regret that I wasn’t there to share in those moments with you.”
I let out a low breath, soaking in the words my father had spoken. I hadn’t been sure what direction this conversation would take. But this was an unexpected and welcome outcome.
“Thank you, Dad,” I expressed with heartfelt sincerity. “Your apology has not only lifted a weight I didn’t realize I was carrying for years, but it’s also given me a newfound sense of freedom. I wish you’d met Jake. He was a wonderful man. And I don’t blame you for what happened between Beth and me. I look forward to moving forward and putting this behind us."
Chapter 30: Sasha
“Mom?”
“Sasha, what are you doing here?” My mom's voice carried panic as she pulled me into her home in Virginia. “Oh baby, what’s wrong?”
I collapsed against my mother’s chest, emotions from the past two weeks overtaking me as I let go, crying uncontrollably. When I finally calmed down enough to catch my breath, my mom's white shirt was soaked with tears and stained with my mascara.
“I’m sorry, I’ll take that home and wash it.”
She brushed me off. “Absolutely not. It’s just a shirt. Come sit down and tell me what’s on your mind.”
I walked into the living room towards the old leather couch I remembered from my childhood. It was the same one where I’d sat over 10 years ago when my mother had told me that my father was not the man I thought he was, causing a thread to tear through the life I thought I knew. The irony of returning to that couch when another man I loved let me down, was not lost on me.
Sinking into the couch, I placed my head in my hands.
