Page 1 of Broken Hearts

1

Hal

Icould hear the man breathing, but I could never see his face. Mine was always covered and it was covered with a rag that smelled of dirt and gasoline. I don’t think that it was meant to have gas in it, but no one had cared when they picked it up off the floor. It was not given a sniff-test before it was stuffed into my mouth. Eventually that rag would cover my face as I was waterboarded and then pick up the blood that was oozing out of my body. It was an all-day use piece of fabric that I knew more intimately than I cared to imagine.

There was more speaking that I didn’t understand, and I knew the language, but my grasping of it was inadequate. It was sorely inadequate in this circumstance. I told them again that I didn’t understand anything that they were saying. I kept saying English, hoping one of them would speak it or that they would finally get that I didn’t speak it. That didn’t happen though. Instead of there being some kind understanding, it was just more pain, more waiting, and then more questions that I didn’t understand. The cycle went on for some time, though I truly didn’t know how long it was for. Too long. Somewhere in that room and in the darkness, part of me cracked. It wasn’t just my body being tortured; it was my mind more than anything. Helplessness made me feel like there was nothing that could be done to make it better.

I could feel the panic rise up in my chest when I couldn’t breathe, or the desire to just end it all when the pain was bad. It was the extremes and no hope that had finally broken me. I would have told them everything, if only I had known how to tell them. I always thought that I would be strong, that I could resist, but I never knew what I was truly like, until I was forced to find out. It wasn’t something I ever wanted to know.

I woke up with a start as the explosion from my dreams rocked the door directly behind me, sending me forward, as well as the other two men in the room. They were going to have a worse day than I was having and seconds before I was knocked out, I smiled to myself from the memory.

Blinking hard into the darkness of my bedroom, I sighed. I was no longer smiling, and I swear I could feel all the open wounds that my torturers had left on me. It was sad to admit, but my body shook as I sat upright from the remembered fear and adrenaline. I had to pull myself together, walking to the bathroom in the dark. I almost tripped on my shoes I’d kicked off last night drinking a bit too much, and I admonished myself as I turned the light on. It was bright and I was squinting hard, trying not to be blinded right then and there.

The reflection showed the nights of not sleeping because of the dreams that plagued me. It wasn’t a pretty picture, and I wondered if I would have agreed to enlist, if I would have known. I wish that I had the chance to go back, I don’t think I would have done things the same way. There were many changes that I would love to make, hopefully keeping me out of the cell with the man who constantly visited me in my dreams.

My blue eyes were clouded, and I swear that I looked like another person when I woke up from those dreams. I didn’t want to be up. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I wasn’t going back there. The real stickler of being captured in war and tortured was that even after I was freed, I was still there in my mind. I never got to leave.

In the daytime, when I was awake, I could beat that part of my past back, but in my dreams, they were all made to play. I couldn’t stop it, and I knew that I wasn’t going back to sleep to experience it some more. I wanted to, but I started the coffee and made plans about my day instead. It wasn’t as easy to wake up as I thought it would be, but the first cup of coffee got me going. It tasted good, and I realized that it was going to be a long day.

Going to my calendar, I saw I had two consults this afternoon and one this morning. It wasn’t that hard, security systems in my hometown suburb, but it paid the bills. When I left the military, I thought that I would have more chances, I was a well-oiled machine after all, but that didn’t seem to help anything. Instead of helping me, people looked at me like I was going to go off at any time. I knew that it was because I had injuries and because some of the scars were on my face, they could see them. It just meant that I wasn’t able to get many jobs, even the most menial and mundane. They were beneath me, but I wasn’t allowed to work on them. Instead, I made a business and did what I do best, recognizing and mitigating damages. I do it for the wealthy housewives that don’t like the uptick in crime in their area. It wasn’t saving the world, but at least it kept me distracted and not homeless.

The shower was hot, and I stayed under there a little longer than I should have. I was trying to pull it together, but the dreams were really strong as of late. I couldn’t shake them and while I felt the water finally turn cold, I still didn’t feel any better than I had before I got in. I was lost about what to do and how to act.

When I left the house, the neighbor was outside walking the dog and I waved to the elderly man. Gerald was a great neighbor, stuck to himself, and his dog only growled out at me every now and then. I liked to be overly nice sometimes, just to get a dirty look and a rise out of him. This morning, I didn’t feel like ruffling feathers, so I left without a word. He didn’t send a wave back, just a nod of his head, and that was good enough for me. I remembered him when I was here as a young boy. He was just as old and grouchy then.

The office was locked up when I got there, and I waited for Karen to come in. She was blonde, perky, and a bit dumb, but she was good with people, the very thing that I was not. It was quiet for a few moments, until Karen came in and she started her day talking about the one prior. Karen was single, dating, and she had no problem telling me all about it. I had said once that I wasn’t interested in her day, and she hadn’t talked for a week. It had been so strange that I’d never said another word. I just let her talk, because I knew that after a little while, she would talk herself out and then there would be a long silence that I thoroughly enjoyed.

“You look like you aren’t sleeping, Hal.”

Karen said that to me almost every day. Sometimes she would flirt a little, telling me that she could put me to sleep in moments, but I never took her up on it. Karen was nice and all, gorgeous, and probably good in bed because she was a little crazy, but that didn’t mean that I was stupid. I worked with her, and I knew that she was a clingy sort. Since I was damaged beyond repair, there was no way that I would be a good boyfriend to anyone. I stayed away from anything that sounded close to a future.

She went to her side of the office, and I was able to breathe. I did the work up proposal for the meeting I had in an hour and had Karen go over it while I went for coffee and breakfast. I got us both something, she never had to ask, and I was back with some red marks on the proposal that had to be changed. I was tired and it was a bit redder than usual. I tried to tell myself that it was going to be fine, but it wasn’t, not if every waking moment I was criticizing everything.

I went to the meeting with the new proposal and like all the other meetings I went to, it went well. People would pay an exorbitant amount of money to feel safe, and though it was my job to pay the bills, I really did like helping people. I didn’t think that half of them needed what they got, but if it made them feel better, who was I to judge any of it? It didn’t feel right to take their money sometimes, but they were so happy I couldn’t say anything the other way.

Lunch was something fast before the afternoon meetings. I had a few minutes before I had to go out again, so I went back to the office to finish off the sub sandwich that wasn’t far away. Karen was gone for lunch, and I enjoyed the quiet. It was almost time to get back to work, but then the front door chimed with a visitor and when I looked at the door, my heart stopped. I would know that face anywhere. What was she doing here?

“Hal?” Marilyn asked, surprised that I was there I guess, though I was likely just as surprised. What was she doing here? Better than that, why couldn’t I get a few simple words out of my mouth?

Marilyn was just as beautiful as I remembered. She was tall, raven-haired, brown eyes, and dark skin. Her stature was slight, but she had a large top that didn’t match the rest of her tiny frame. I hadn’t seen her since a few days after senior graduation. She took off, had a scholarship across the country that took her away from me, and I never saw her again. Marilyn was older, but it was definitely her, and I was interested, really interested. That part of me had stayed dormant and quiet for so long, but it now screamed at me.

In seconds, I was thinking of what had gone on between us and the last time I’d seen her. I didn’t know what I expected, but I suppose it was that I’d never see her again. After so long, she was back in Coloma and none of it made any sense. What was it about her that made it hard to think straight? I worried about how long I’d been standing there, staring at her. I was under the impression that it was all going to be okay, even though I might not have been so sure when our eyes met.

What was wrong with me? Why was I reacting this way?

2

Marilyn

“Hal… Is that you?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had just gotten back to town a week ago and had seen many people from my past, but Hal was different. He was someone that I didn’t think I would see, even though I’d hoped for it. He looked different in some small ways, but he was Hal. He was the man that I had fallen for years ago when I was young and naïve. I’d wanted us to be together, but in the end, he hadn’t wanted to start something serious. He had broken up with me a few days after graduation, even though I was willing to give up everything for him.

Thinking about it like that made my face red. I missed Hal, thought about him a lot, but what had happened between us wasn’t a good thing. He had broken my heart and had been so cold about it. The smile that was on my face was fading. The more I remembered, the more I realized that it was silly for me to be happy. He had meant so much to me. I hadn’t seen it coming. I’d loved him, and he had broken me with very little concerted effort.

Now, he looked broken, and I caught the look in his eyes when I noticed his scars. He looked like something bad had happened to him, and I could imagine that it was while he was serving the country. My parents and friends kept me abreast of what he was doing. I didn’t know that he was back in town though. It had been years since I asked about him, but someone would have told me, right?

He looked really good, even the scars did nothing to make him look any different. I still felt my body lean in when I saw him. He was taller than me by quite a bit, and he had the clearest blue eyes. He’d always been one of those good old boys, and I’d always loved his clean-cut American look. I still felt a little bit on the swooning side when he was in front of me. He just had this presence, and I looked down before my intention was given away.

“Yeah, it’s me, Marilyn. Good to see you.” He didn’t sound like he was happy to see me at all. Actually, he looked like he would have rather been anywhere but where he was. I am sure that he had a reason why he looked at me that.

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