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“It’s good to see you too.” I meant it. He looked fine as hell, and he was somehow bigger than before. His arms and thighs had always been so damn muscular. I always imagined those arms and hands causing me pleasure. I had fantasies about him that no matter what I did, I couldn’t hold back. His blue eyes sparkled at me as they roamed up and down my body. He was still so tall that I had to crane my neck upward to really see him. My heart was beating hard in my chest, and I wished that I didn’t feel the way that I did. It was easier if I felt nothing.
I walked into the building and after a moment, I realized what it meant, the initials of the place. “This is your shop?”
He agreed that it was, his square jaw clenching a bit, and then his eyes went back to mine. Why did I feel like he was remembering every inch of my body again? It had been a long time since we were together, but I swear I was acting like I wanted him then and there. I had found more pleasure in the hands of Hal than any other man in my whole life, before and after. Hal was the one that I thought about when I was trying to work myself up. All I had to think about was how he felt kissing me and touching me, and I was over the top. Seeing him now looking as good as before didn’t help. The way I saw him then, nothing was going to help.
“What can I do for you?” Hal asked. I realized that I hadn’t said anything. I must look like an idiot, because I just looked at him that way. I didn’t know what to say or what to do, unfortunately. I had no idea how this was all going to go. When I realized I had to come here for the security system for the house, I never would have guessed that I would be in front of Hal a few hours later.
“I, um, I need to get some security for a new place that I just bought. Everyone told me that this was where I should go.”
“Bought? You moved back to town?”
I met his gaze for a moment, and the intensity that I found there made me look away. Why was he asking me that? Why did he care? I wanted him to, of course, I’d always cared a lot about him, but I had to remind myself that we were no better than strangers now. He was just being polite, nothing more. I cooled my tone and matched my energy with his. “Yeah, it was for the best.” I didn’t say any more about why, though I wanted to.
“So, do you do residential security now, huh? How did that happen?”
Hal agreed that he did do security, though he didn’t answer about the other. He looked at his watch after a moment and said that he had to get to a meeting. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him, but he was halfway out the door, asking me if I wanted to set something up for later. He had an assistant, Karen, that was going to help me and then he was gone. He had told me how good it was to see me, but it hadn’t helped it. I must have cared more than I was supposed to.
His assistant took down my information about what I needed and when I could meet with him. I was left wondering why after all this time, Hal was still able to leave me tongue-tied. I told myself that it was just my ragged brain. I was just getting over a breakup, and my stupid mind and body were looking for a quick rebound to make myself feel better. I would not feel better after dating Hal. I would want more and so would he. I would want what we almost had before.
I shook my head; he didn’t even want me. He had walked out, and I was left to follow behind him like before. I tried desperately to shut my mind up, because whatever I was thinking wasn’t going to happen. I couldn’t believe I was even thinking about it. Hal had broken my heart once before, and I would be an idiot to give him the chance to do it again. After all this time, I thought I was smarter than that. Turns out, I wasn’t, at least not when it came to Hal.
I tried to forget about my impromptu meeting with Hal. I set up an appointment, but I doubted that it would be Hal that came. If he wasn’t the only security place in town, I would have gone somewhere else. There was good talk of how he was the best in the area though. I had two separate people say that. Of course, Hal would be the best at whatever he did. He was always the sort of man that left nothing to chance and gave all of his effort. I had always loved that about him.
Love. I was already thinking of words that would make this harder. Hal didn’t want me back then, and he didn’t want me now. Whatever I was thinking, it didn’t matter. I needed to keep my distance from Hal, so that I wouldn’t embarrass myself again. I should have learned my lesson before.
I got back home, and I had almost fifty messages on my phone. It was my ex, and he wasn’t ready to let things go. I am not even sure how he got my new number, but I wouldn’t put anything past Jesse. He didn’t like to give up and though I had given up on us ever being together, he wanted to act like there was a chance that we’d get back together. There wasn’t.
Erasing all of them, I wasn’t even going to listen to them. It was likely pretty easy to guess what he was thinking. I had loved him at one point, we’d talked of marriage, but he was unfaithful, and I wasn’t that forgiving. What was wrong with men? They were nothing but a headache, I swear. Hal was no better.
I went to bed frustrated and thinking that every man in my life was there to make me crazy. Jesse and Hal were now both messing with my head, and the only thing I could do was wonder how I had gotten back into the mess with Hal. We hadn’t been together in a long time, so why did I want him so much still?
3
Hal
When I got back to the office, I asked my partner Dale about Marilyn, and he gave me the information. He must have seen something odd on my face, because he was looking sideways. I asked him what was up, and he just shook his head.
“What?” My tone was testy, and I guess that was part of the problem. I was feeling off, and I knew that it had to do with seeing Marilyn. She made an impression on everyone she met, and we had a hell of a lot of history. It meant that I couldn’t see her again and not get all sorts of emotions because of it. She was as beautiful as I remembered and that same feeling she’d stirred up inside of me ten years ago came back with a swiftness.
“Who was that woman earlier before you took off? I feel like she is familiar or something, but I can’t put my finger on who that is. Do I know her?”
I shrugged, not liking him asking about her or showing interest. “She used to live here a long time ago,” I said curtly. I wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t interested in answering his questions about her.
Dale shook his head. “No, that’s not where I have saw her from. I’ve seen her somewhere else.”
I grimaced and then asked him if it was a commercial that he’d seen her in, for a law firm that she was a partner in. Dale agreed, and I told him that she was a high-dollar lawyer in the city and there were tons of commercials that she was in because, why use an actor when the lawyer looked like her?
He at once smiled, finding out where he had seen her from. It didn’t make me feel any better though. Those commercials had been the bane of my existence for a long time. I wanted her but couldn’t have her and those damn commercials would throw it in my face that I’d missed my chance with her. It was too much for me to handle most of the time.
“Well, she is something. I wonder if you know if she is single or not.”
I wasn’t ready for that question, and I gave him a look that said as much. He took a step back physically and I have to say, it wouldn’t have been that hard to hit him. I wanted to. Seeing her, being reminded that I couldn’t have her, and hearing another talk about Marilyn like that, very well could make me lose it. Marilyn always had done that to me. She would make me feel too much, and it was impossible to deal with all of the emotions that would be stirred up inside of me. There was really nothing I could do about it. I would just be all wound up when she was around.
“Okay, never mind asking about her. Are you going to tell me how you know her?”
I told him that we dated when we were teenagers, and he mentioned that it must not have ended well. “How do you know?” I wanted to know. I was very defensive and wished that I hadn’t said a word about her.
“Well, if you had a chance to keep her, I guess you would have. I mean, look at her. No man in their right mind would give up a woman like that.”
