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Better me than my brother or one of the others. I was able to save then a few benders and put my best foot forward so that they might have a good night’s sleep here and there.
And the kicker is, they don’t even know it. They think this is me, that I want this. That I choose this.
As if I ever…
And I am so tired of pretending…
I want to be more than what they made of me. I want to be better.
Seeing Lucy reminded me of when things were different.
Life was easier back then. I got to write songs with Ares. I got to perform them in small venues where I could actually see the audience and get a real idea of what they thought of my songs.
Lucy was good for me too. She was my rock back then. My girl. She kept me sane and levelheaded.
I wish my ghosts would shut up. I wish the label would let me be me.
I don’t want to keep drinking and keep making a fucking fool of myself for anyone. I deserve to have a normal life, just like everyone else does. I deserve to have a woman to love. A woman who loves me for being me.
Lucy Bennett is the only woman I have ever loved.
Will I ever find that kind of love again?
God, I hope so.
But first, I need to apologize to Lucy for being a dick for the past four years.
She deserved more from me. She deserves the world.
I need her to forgive me. We both need closure.
And just for a second, I allow myself to dream of a world where Lucy and I are thrown back into each other’s path by a universe that wants us to be together.
I adored her once. I lived and breathed that girl back then.
I’ll be here in town for a while. Why not try to at least get her friendship back?
She used to be Ares best friend too, even before we got together. And maybe we can at least have a beautiful friendship back.
Hell, being with her might even inspire me to write more songs. Not the hard rock songs we sing in Shakedown. But the songs I used to sing when it was all about the music and not about glamour and fame.
Real songs, the kind that touch the heart and inspire the soul.
That’s what I used to write. All because Lucy Bennett made my heart happy.
Ty is going to be mad. But I don’t care. I have to get a hold of myself.
If Mom were still alive, she would have kicked my ass by now.
She’d loved Lucy. They got along great.
I should’ve married that girl when I had the chance.
Of course, I wouldn’t have become the rockstar that I am now. But is being ‘Lo’ now such a great thing? I love music and I love the fans, but I lost myself long the way. I lost Apollo. The Apollo I had been years ago. With Lucy.
I had a couple of weeks in town, so maybe I could find Lucy, and spend some time with her.
Yes, she left me last night at the concert, but she’d said she needed to go, hadn’t she? I just didn’t want to listen, too happy that she was really there with me.
