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“Shortly after he left with you, I knew I had no choice but to cut him out of my life just as swiftly as you cut me out of yours. It hurt too much to talk to him, to hear his voice when he called every night and knowing I’d never hear yours again. So, I asked him to stop calling. I told him I had to move on with my life and let go of the two of you.” My vision is blurring. “He insisted for a while longer, but I stopped taking his calls. Then, after a while, he stopped calling too. Besides, he would have told you.”
“Yes, I’m sure he would have. You know all about the loss of our parents. You know that we have no family, except for each other. And still, you denied us the right to know about this little girl who is our blood. Why would you do that to us?”
“Because she was an anchor neither of you needed. I loved you both so much at the time. I couldn’t just tie you down. Which is why I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get closer to Aurora now. She’s too young to understand your lifestyle and she’ll get attached, and you’ll end up leaving all over again. I don’t think her little heart will handle that.”
“Valid points. Points I have wondered about myself during the last week. I have been contemplating everything you might say. And I must tell you that I agree with you one thousand percent.”
I hug myself tighter. “If you agree with me, then why are you here?”
“She is still our daughter.”
“Okay, but she doesn’t know that.” And I’m not sure if she ever will.
“Who does she think her father is?”
“No one. She’s too young to ask such things.”
“And when the day comes that she’s not too young, then who will you tell her that her father is?”
“I’ll cross that bridge when it comes.”
“What’s so wrong with her knowing I’m her dad and meeting me?”
“Have you met you? You’re an alcoholic. I saw the news of your hospital stay. You could have told me about it, but you left that out. Do you honestly think she needs a drunk—”
“I am not an alcoholic. I haven’t had more than a drink or two in the evenings since the night I found you and ended up in the hospital. So, you will have to try harder to find a good reason that I should not be a father to my kid.”
“You’re always on the road—”
He holds up one hand. “That is something I can change, as you can attest since I’m here for a while and not going back to the road next week, like the band was supposed to.”
“So, you would quit the band to be a full-time, hands-on father?” I have to laugh at that ridiculous thought.
“There are a number of things I could do. As her parents, I would work with you to be the best father I could be for our little girl. I missed out on her baby years, but I don’t want to miss out on anything else.”
He deserves to get to know his little girl. And I know Aurora would love him fiercely, like I once did. But I don’t think I can trust him.
He might stick around for a month or even a year, but then a call will come, and he’ll leave us behind, the same way he did before. And he’ll break her heart just as thoroughly as he broke mine four years ago.
But he didn’t know about the baby back then.
Shit.
“If any of your ideas concern us going with you on the road, you should know that I don’t think that’s a stable life for a child. So, I wouldn’t agree to that.”
Nodding, he strokes his chin, looking thoughtful. “Of course, I would defer to you in all things. I trust you. Even though you don’t trust me.”
“You chose your career over me, and that hurt. A lot. I don’t blame you, since I told you to go, but it didn’t hurt any less because I gave you my blessing, hoping you would still choose me.”
He opens his mouth to answer but I raise my hand to stop him.
“That being said, I know it was wrong of me to hide Aurora from you, but I stand by my decision at the time. Especially after what I witnessed of your public behavior.” I look him in the eye. “Do you really think that is something I want to subject my daughter to? A drunk dad who sleeps around and chooses to up and leave whenever the mood strikes?”
I shake my head. “A baby needs stability, and I’m sorry, but you are the opposite of that.”
“Do you think if I had known about her, this would have been my life? That I would have become this persona?” He shakes his head. “There are any number of things we could have done so I could have been a part of our daughter’s life. Except, there is nothing we can do to change a thing about what we’ve done. But the future is ours, and I want to be that girl’s father.” He holds my arms, his dark brows angled in a peculiar manner. “About her name…”
“Aurora.” I figured he would ask me about that.
