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“My grandmother’s name.” Sighing, he pulls me close and holds me tight, leaving a kiss on the top of my head. “Mom would have loved that.”
“I know she would have.” Pulling back, I look at him so he can see the truth in my eyes. “If she had been alive, I swear that I would have told her about the pregnancy. I wouldn’t have ever kept her from her grandchild.”
“But she died a year before I left, and she didn’t get to meet her only grandchild. Naming her after my mother’s mother is a gift to my family. I’m sure Mom looks down and watches after our little girl. I’m sure she loves her as much as I know I will.”
I’m not sure what to do. I have to think about Aurora and what’s best for her. “I don’t know how to trust you not to hurt her or leave her behind.”
“I don’t know how to make you believe me.” The tension in his body tells me that he’s being honest.
“All I know of this new you is what the public knows. The binges, the women, the bad boy act that is not suitable for a little girl’s father at all. You were made for so much more. You are a talented singer and songwriter.”
“I will always be a singer and a songwriter. I can do it any way I like. I don’t have to be the lead singer in a band,” says the man who looks more like a rockstar than any kid’s father. And he’s not even trying to look that way right now, wearing jeans and a white T-shirt.
It’s who he is, who he was born to be. He can’t just change.
Not that anyone will let him change even if he wants to. “You signed a contract.” He told me as much before he left me.
“Well, they make lawyers for things like that. And I happen to have plenty of money to pay lawyers to do my bidding. I want to be here for you and our daughter. I will make that happen for us too. But I can’t be fighting you as well. I need you to be okay with me being my little girl’s dad. Please.”
He could get a lawyer and take our daughter from me for withholding her all this time. But he’s not playing that card. Maybe he’s going to really try to be here for us.
“You want me to believe you? Start with something you can show everyone. Stop the binges and the partying. I can’t let you close to Aurora if you smell of alcohol or if you’re high.”
With a grin, he puffs his chest. “Not a problem at all. I’ll give up everything for our little girl. I swear that to you. I should, anyway. Doctor’s orders, so now I have the extra incentive I needed.”
I hope I’m not making a terrible mistake. “Okay. I’ll agree to a couple supervised visits and then we’ll go from there. Until she gets to know you. And until I know I can trust you to be sober whenever you’re around her.”
“That’s all I want, to hang out with you and our daughter. I really want to get to know her. I bet she’s the best. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Because you are the best.” His lips press against my cheek for a moment, and then he pulls them away, leaving me pulsing with heat. “All I want is a shot to be her dad. And maybe with time, we can try and be a real family.”
I sigh. “I’ll believe it when I see it, but I’m going to give you the chance you want to be a father to our daughter. And I pray you won’t screw it or her up.”
I hope this turns out better than I think it will.
7
Apollo
It’s been a week since I’ve touched a drop of alcohol. The first couple of nights were painful, as the craving had me shaking and aching all over for hours on end.
I still get the shakes from time to time, just not as intense.
Lucy was right, apparently. I am an alcoholic. And that bothers me.
Alcohol was supposed to help me control my sleep, but now it controls my life. I hate that something I used as an escape is now something I’m struggling to get away from.
And if Lucy was right about that, she might have been right about more things.
I was upset that she asked me for a few days before she officially introduced me to my daughter, but now I couldn’t be happier. There is no way I’d want my daughter to see me as I was, so unhinged.
This new me has also caused some problems with the band.
Night after night, I refuse to go out to drink and party with the guys, and it is straining things between us.
I haven’t told anyone but my brother the truth, and now I’m being accused of feeling too self-important to hang out with them.
