AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She couldn’t finish the sentence. Instead, she looked down at the floor. That was enough of an answer for me so I grabbed my coat and left.
Part of me hoped she would come after me. But as I stood on the sidewalk trying to hail a cab, I knew she wouldn’t. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have thought I meant as much to her as she did me?
Chapter 23
Rhett
My father’s funeral was one of the hardest things I ever had to endure in my life.
The service went just as he had planned. At the church, it had been an intimate one. Julian, Austin, and I were pallbearers alongside my father’s two closest friends, Carter, Riley, and my Uncle Benjamin. Seeing my uncle was weird, as he had cut himself off from my family many years ago. My father once told me that Ben had a falling out with my grandfather when he was around eighteen years old, as he’d had no interest in wanting to be involved with the family business. It had escalated into a massive fight as Ben had wanted to dedicate himself to charity work worldwide. So, my grandfather cut him off, and Ben traveled the world, helping build schools and villages and living life as a voluntary community worker. My father was the only family member that stayed in contact with him.
I remember getting postcards from Peru, Guatemala, Kenya, Cambodia, and other places. Father had often held various charity functions honoring his brother’s work.
As we walked into the church, carrying my father’s coffin, the musicians were playing Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber. I looked over at my uncle and could see the tears slowly fall down his cheek. Carrying my father’s coffin felt like one of the most challenging yet honorable things I could do for him.
Various people read several poems and stories my father had picked out. The music and hymns were a mix of some of my father’s favorite pieces. Throughout most of it, I focused my attention on the coffin. I could hear the gentle cries and sobs from my mother on one side of me and my sisters on the other.
Once the service ended, we went to the family burial chamber. His ashes were to be put alongside my grandfather and grandmother.
His name was already engraved on the headstone. It felt so surreal as I read the text repeatedly.
Maxwell Henry Chambers
18.01. 1949 – 26.09.2016
Beloved Husband, Father, and Grandfather
What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
Serena had been at the back of my mind the entire day. One minute, I wished she could have been there with me. The next thing all I felt was heartache and anger. My mind kept flashing back to her apartment and seeing if I could make sense of what had happened. How could she so easily dismiss how I felt about her? Did she do it to mask her lack of feelings for me? Did she have any? Was I the only one believing we had a future together?
Nothing made sense to me.
I sat in my father’s study, needing to escape from the other guests at the wake. Even though we’d had a private and intimate service with only family and close friends, my father had stipulated that my mother could do the wake as she saw fit, which meant it was a complete circus. Over two hundred friends, colleagues, and acquaintances had come to pay their respects.
Ruby had arrived, as per Julian’s request, I imagined, and came over to give her sympathies. I could see in her eyes that she knew what had happened between Serena and me. I wasn’t sure what else to say besides thank you. I knew she, like many others, would have expected her to be here today. But I was not surprised after what happened last night. Hell, I’d been pushing her away since the moment my father died. Why would anyone want to deal with me?
The next hour was spent listening to people speak of their fondest memories of Father. Hearing them felt bittersweet. Although it was nice listening to some, it still didn’t help ease the dull feeling within.
Julian hadn’t stopped drinking since we got back from the church. I thought he might ease up after Ruby’s arrival, but instead, he used her as his verbal punching bag. On any other day, I’d have called him out, but today, I didn’t care anymore. Besides, she was now with him. It was her choice, maybe one of these days she’d open her goddamn eyes and realize the asshole he was.
I was just about to fix a drink when Benjamin walked in.
“I knew I’d find you in here.”
“Hmm,” I grunted as I poured myself a scotch.
“You want one?” I asked Ben.
“Yeah, sure.”
I could see that even he wasn’t sure how to approach me.
“How are you holding up?”
I paused to think of how to answer the question.
“If I said I was fine, I’d be lying. If I said I was distraught, that would also be a lie. How about we settle on fucked up?”
