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He nods. "Okay."
I turn on the ignition as he walks around to the passenger side and gets in.
The drive through town is quiet until a Smashing Trout song comes on the radio and Wilder groans.
"Do we have to go to their concert Friday night?"
"Yes," I answer. "It's on the bucket list. We have to do it."
"I still don't get what you and Cash like about them," he crosses his arms over his chest.
I reach over and change the station. "Happy now?"
"Huh," he says.
"Huh, what?"
"They were the first concert you guys went to together," he reminds me.
"I don't think listening to them play at the park on the Fourth of July with the rest of the town counts as my first concert with Cash," I shake my head. "And if it does, you were there, too. It was my first concert with you, too."
"Why do you always do that?" Wilder glances over at me from the passenger seat.
"Do what?"
"Diminish what you and Cash had," he answers.
"I'm not doing that," I furrow my brow. "I remember things differently than you do. You were there for every big moment in our relationship. You watched Cash ask me out. You were there for every movie night at the Allreds. You walked in on me losing my virginity. You are literally in every memory I have of my relationship with Cash. I'm not diminishing anything. I'm just remembering things the way I saw them. When I think about all the things Cash and I did together, you were there for all of them, too."
"I guess I didn't think about it that way," Wilder's hand finds my thigh and squeezes gently.
"Cash never did anything without you," I sigh. "I used to get so angry because I wanted to be alone with him."
"At least you didn't have to sit in the back seat," he states pointedly.
"Well, the front seat is yours now. I don't want it anymore."
Wilder rubs my thigh. "I'm sorry I ruined every moment with Cash for you."
"You didn't," I smile. "You were what made them all memorable."
Wilder sits back in his chair, keeping his hand firmly on my leg.
Silence settles between us, wide and deep like a canyon. I want to know what he's thinking but Wilder likes building walls. The kind of walls that are impossible to get over unless he lets you in.
When I park in front of the house, I take a deep breath. "You coming in?"
"If that's what you need," he replies.
"What do you need?"
He twists to face me. "Sometimes, I don't think I need anyone or anything. My dad made sure I grew up relying only on myself. But then, you smile or you say something real... it makes... it makes me wonder if what I've always needed is you."
My heart leaps in my chest. "Come inside."
"What about your parents?" he counters.
"Jason and Jill are clueless. We can sneak past them," I smile. "And besides, I had sex with you while your grandparents were walking down the hall. You owe me."
