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I sighed and gave him a small nod. I knew what this was going to be, and I was already aware I was not going to like it. We might as well get it over and done with.
“I want you to throw another fight.” Of course he did. “And this time, I want you to really drag it out. Make people sweat. Don’t make it as obvious as you did last time.”
Vomit began to fill the back of my throat as I realized I had returned to the same position I’d been in before, that I’d seemingly learned nothing over the past few years. Here I was, considering throwing another fight, only this time it would affect people I cared about, and I also had much more to lose.
If I did this, I screwed over Smiley’s, the entire management team who had been willing to give me a chance, and I would lose Ari, too. But if I didn’t do it, my dad would die… and that really was the end of the internal debate.
“Fine,” I said through a tight-lipped sneer. “Just give me the details.”
“I will let you know exactly how I want it to go down in Heathens Hollow. I don’t want the information to leak, so it’ll be at the very last minute.” I nodded stiffly, knowing the drill by that point. “But, as a gesture of good will because I can tell that you’re desperate, I’m going to give you twenty thousand dollars to get you started.”
Nero acted like he was being caring and considerate, that he actually gave a shit, but what he was really doing was reeling me in. Once I had this money, I was basically his. I’d have no choice to do as he asked.
“Thank you,” I muttered as he pushed the rolls of cash he’d pulled from a safe behind him between my fingers.
My heart thumped. I felt ill with guilt. I was trying to focus on the fact that I could get the medication needed for my father. I could get Dad started on the treatment needed right away and not waste another moment.
“You have been on a good winning streak,” Nero said. “The fans are beginning to trust you again. They won’t be expecting you to do anything risky to blow it. Maybe just try and be a little more discreet this time. If we can avoid a media shit storm, maybe this will be something that we can do on a regular basis.”
No fucking way.
“Sure,” I murmured.
“Okay, well, I’ll be in touch soon.” Nero stood up, much to my relief effectively ending our conversation. “Thank you for coming around. It’s an honor doing business with you again, bro. Want to join in on a quick poker game before you leave?”
“I’m good,” I snapped as I left the office wanting to punch my fist through the wall.
When I was back in the front of the bar, I bought myself a drink, needing something to steady my nerves. I still didn’t look at anyone. I refused to make any kind of connection. I drank the whiskey back, just trying to cool all the fury down inside me. But I abandoned the second drink laid before me when I realized getting drunk would only serve to make things worse. I guess I didn’t need to add booze to my problems. I didn’t want to completely end up in a hole I couldn’t get out of again. If I was going to do this, I needed to do it much better than before and try not to get caught.
As I stepped back into my car, a heavy lead weight sitting firmly on my chest made it incredibly difficult to breathe. I’d done the only thing I could do, and I understood my reasoning, but it sure did feel like shit. I’d failed, fallen back into the fucking abyss, and it felt terrible.
I drove much slower home, suddenly feeling the full effects of my shitty life. Maybe Dad would be grateful for the treatment. Maybe he would realize he was wrong in all of those things he had said to me. But I would still have to face the disappointment in his eyes. He would still give me that look. I’d take it, however. I was willing to be the bad guy to save his life. But it was still going to suck.
And then, of course, there was Lotto. Ari. Even Frankie.
They were all going to fucking hate me when they found out what I had done. When I all of a sudden lost the match, they would know why. They’d know it was my fault, and all planned.
Fuck. I didn’t want any of this at all, but then again it was what I’d signed up for. I was going to be throwing it all back in their faces when I went along with this, and I did it anyway. Now that I had twenty thousand dollars in my pocket, it was too late to start regretting what I had done.
