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“The Dustin guy?”
“Dusty,” I correct.
“That’s not a nickname?” Rob says on a chuckle.
“No. It’s his name. Fuck, Rob.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to insult your friend. I didn’t know it was that big of a deal. Did you at least have fun with him last night?”
There’s nothing wrong with his question. Not really. It’s something I might have asked him if he’d hooked up with someone before I left, and something he’s maybe asked me before. Again, there is nothing wrong with having an open relationship, and the things I’m struggling with when it comes to Rob now aren’t about that. They’re about him. Dusty is right. He should have asked how I am. And while I don’t know what’s going to happen with Dusty or what I even want, I can’t have him while I’m with Rob. It feels wrong deep inside me.
“Yeah. I had fun,” I finally reply. “Do you care about me?”
“What? Why are you asking such a ridiculous question? Of course I do,” he snaps. He doesn’t have patience for things that are too emotional. That’s what I thought I wanted, but now it makes my skin crawl. “What’s going on, Morgan? I don’t have much time.”
I sigh, stand, and walk to the edge of the deck, looking out at the trees. “I can’t be with you anymore. It’s nothing you did. It’s just… I’m all fucked up, Rob. I have been for a long time. But I don’t think I need the same things I did before, and I can’t change the rules on you now.”
“Jesus, what the hell is happening to you over there?” he asks, and I groan because I don’t fucking know. The truth is, my head has always been a mess, it just hits differently now.
“I don’t know, man. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“You should come home is what you should do.”
He’s right. I know that, but after last night…I can’t. And I can’t leave East yet either. I want to make sure he knows that even when I’m back in California, he’ll always have me. Make sure he knows I love him. “I can’t. Not yet.”
There’s a short pause and then, “This was probably coming anyway. I think we both know that.”
Even though he can’t see me, I nod. I did know. “My stuff is fine there until I get back?”
“Of course, Morgan. I’m not a total asshole. I’ll still be around if you want to fuck sometimes when you get home.”
I chuckle. “I don’t doubt you will be.”
“I gotta go. Take care of yourself, okay?”
I wait for it to hurt, wait for more emotion from either of us, but it doesn’t come. It’s just a reminder that this is the right choice, and it has nothing to do with Dusty. “You too.”
Rob ends the call first. I stand there, breathing in the fresh air for a moment, then go back inside Dusty’s place. Once I finish getting dressed, I lock up and leave. The last thing I want is to go back to Dad’s, but I do because what the fuck else am I going to do?
When I pull up and see Rhett’s car, my body automatically stiffens. I’m not surprised, and hell, maybe a part of me was itching for an argument with him, but I’m also exhausted by it all already.
Rhett gets out when I pull up. I can’t help but roll my eyes at him. “Were you literally sitting in your car waiting for me? Don’t you have to be at work?”
“Why are you here?” Rhett crosses his arms and leans against the car. He’s wearing black slacks and a white button-up shirt.
“You asked me to come, and I did. Is anything ever enough for you? I swear you’re just like him.”
“And you’re not? You get angry at him for not being around, yet the first chance you got, you left.”
“I was a fucking adult when I left! I was allowed. And we were kids, Rhett. Jesus, why can’t you see how much he’s hurt us? Why do you need his approval so damn much? What hold does he have on you? Do you know that Easton told me yesterday he doesn’t think Dad loves him? That he doesn’t think Dad has ever loved him? He’s fucking broken, just like the rest of us, because of that man.” I point toward the house and see my brother flinch.
“Easton told you that?” His voice is soft, not holding the anger it had a moment ago.
Fuck. East hasn’t said that to Rhett. He hasn’t told Rhett how he feels. Sure, our oldest brother could have drawn his own conclusions. We all can about Dad, but Easton said it to me and not him.
“Because he knows I feel the same.” I don’t know why I automatically say something to try and lessen the sting for Rhett. He doesn’t deserve it, not really.
“Of course you’re back for five minutes and you and Easton are close.”
