AllFreeNovel
Share Us
FORD
I can’t sleep. I’m feeling too murderous. I’m not this hot-headed guy. I’m mature and calm. The one who holds everyone else back when they’re trying to start fights. I hate feeling out of control.
I’ve already tried all my usual tactics when I have trouble sleeping, which is often. Melatonin, white noise, heated blanket. Nothing is working. Nothing short of kicking Theo Peregrine’s ass would help me relax enough to fall asleep.
Also, I can’t stop thinking about Amber. Is she alive and healthy in the other room? Is her heart okay? How soon would they schedule the surgery? Are there any other options? I should’ve asked more questions earlier.
And why would she want me to take a week to think about it? Surely, she knows I would do literally anything for her. I’d give her a kidney if she needed one. And apparently, I’d raise her child if something happened to her. I know I would. But am I the best person? Maybe not. A little girl being raised by a single hockey player seems like a recipe for disaster. I push the thought out of my mind because nothing is going to happen to Amber. Like she said, they do this surgery every day.
Finally, I give in and pad softly through my room and across the hall to peek in on her. Maybe if I see her breathing, I’ll finally be able to get to sleep. Sometimes, I wish we could go back in time, when we were little and camped out in a tent in the backyard, huddled together reading books with a flashlight. What I wouldn’t give to curl up beside her and sleep with her all night like when we were kids.
Keeping my steps quiet on the hardwood floors, I bring my hand up and rest it on the doorknob. If she locked the door, I’ll be up all night worrying about her for sure. The doorknob turns easily, and I slowly push open the door open. Creeping to the side of her bed, I see her in her usual sleeping position, which hasn’t changed in the last twenty years. She’s on her stomach, hair tossed over her face, mouth open. Amber isn’t a pretty sleeper to most, but seeing her hair flying around from her deep, sleepy breaths, makes my shoulders finally come down from my ears. I hadn’t even realized how tense I was, until I saw her breathing. Quietly, I step over to the pack-and-play, where Nella is sleeping in almost the exact same position as her mama. I smile down at her.
I turn to leave the room, telling myself everything is fine and now I can go to sleep. But my feet won’t move. There’s some instinct deep inside me gluing me to this spot on the carpet. I decide not to fight it and sit down on the plush rug between the pack-and-play and the guest bed. Resting my back and head against the side of the mattress, I close my eyes.
I drift off to sleep, finally, as I think, I’m no cardiologist, but heart issues are pretty serious? Aren’t they?
“Wahhhhh! Wahhhhhhh!”
Starling awake, I jump to my feet, coming face to face with a bleary-eyed Amber. Now that she’s out of bed, I can see she no longer sleeps in oversized tees. She has on a pink spaghetti strap nightgown that ends just above her knees. It’s not showing a ton of skin, but enough for me to appreciate it.
“Ford, what are you doing in here?” Her brow furrows in confusion, then she turns and picks up Nella. Nella quiets instantly in her mother’s arms. “Did Nella wake you up?” Amber asks, deftly grabbing a diaper and wipes from the bag on the nightstand, then laying Nella on the bed to change her.
“No, sorry.” I reach up and scratch the back of my head, feeling awkward. “I couldn’t sleep and came in to check on you. I was worried your heart would like…stop or something. Then I must’ve fallen asleep in here on the floor.”
She looks up at me, her hands still moving to change the diaper. Her eyes are softas she studies me. “Oh, Ford, you poor thing. I’m okay.”
“Poor thing? I’m not the one with a heart hole.”
She releases a sleepy chuckle. The raspy sound does something to my chest, making me wonder if maybe I do have a hole in my heart.
“You worry too much. Always have.” She refastens Nella’s outfit and picks her up again, standing from the bed and walking toward me. “Here, do you mind holding her while I get situated to nurse her?”
My throat feels tight, but I force myself to swallow. “Um, yeah, sure.” I hold my hands out to take her and Amber laughs softly. “Bring your arms in toward your chest, almost like you’re giving yourself a hug.”
I do as she says, leaving just enough room for her to rest Nella between my arms and my chest. Her hands brush my pecs as she pulls them away from her daughter. I try not to notice.
Amber’s face brightens in a huge grin as she looks at me. “Oh, my gosh. This is so cute. Let me grab my phone and snap a pic.” She rushes to the nightstand and unplugs her phone, taking a few photos of me holding Nella.
The baby who’s getting very, very wiggly. And not appreciating my firm chest at all. Amber grabs a weird looking pillow in the shape of a half circle and gets into her bed, resting her back against the headboard. She circles the pillow around her waist, then unsnaps one of the straps of her nightgown.
The fabric loosens, not falling down completely. I blink rapidly, willing away the desire to look at that patch of exposed skin. But that’s not for me, it’s for Nella. I bend my knees, making a bouncing motion, trying to soothe the fussy infant. It doesn’t do any good. The baby’s just rubbing her mouth around my pec, trying to find a nipple.
“Sorry, Nella, You’re not going to get any milk out of that.”
Amber bursts into laughter, extending her arms. “Okay, I’m ready. Bring the hungry baby over here.”
I gently hand her over then look away, trying to find something to look at besides Amber’s breast.
If she notices my inner turmoil, she doesn’t mention it.
“Hey, grab the remote and find something for us to watch while she eats.”
Thrilled to have a distraction, I practically lunge for the remote. I turn on the small flat screen sitting on top of a dresser and turn the volume way down. Flipping through the channels, I smile when I see that an old rerun of The Joy of Painting has just started. I select it then sit on the end of the bed.
“Get your butt up here, Remington. Don’t let a little boob freak you out.”
I shoot her an annoyed glance but scoot up to sit next to her.
