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But so does Storm. I can see it in his eyes. The truth in his words is there on display for me. He loves her just like I do.
“At the end of the day, it’s Serena’s choice. Started bond or not, I’ll suffer through it for the rest of my life if I have to, if she doesn’t want it, but that’s for her to decide. Serena could pick you, or me, Lyle, Blair, Pike, or fuck, even Garrett, but I’m not going anywhere. I will be here regardless. I will not step aside for you or anyone else.”
He releases me with a shove, and I stumble back a step before righting myself, but he doesn’t give me time to do or say anything.
“You don’t have a claim to her because you’ve loved her quietly from the shadows for years. Look around.” He spreads his arms wide. “We all do. Why else would Garrett be such an issue? Why else would we feel the need to protect her to the point of putting our asses on the line like Pike, who was willing to deal with Harlow for years? Or watch her like Blair, and insist we help make her stronger like Lyle? It might have taken me longer to catch on, but that doesn’t make it less true. So get it together, or someone else will.”
With that, he turns and walks away, leaving me standing alone in the living room with even more to think about than before.
My skin prickles with the need to shift, move… do something, anything. I move without thought, my body on autopilot as my emotions get the better of me.
It doesn’t happen often. Usually, I’m good at keeping my shit together. So good that most people just assume I’m an asshole. It’s easier that way, plus they aren’t exactly wrong. I’ve always been rough around the edges. Growing up, Sol was softer. He enjoyed reading and studying, was soft-spoken, and smaller than most guys our age. It made him an easy target that others had no issue trying to exploit. It was nothing for me to step in and defend him, and it came in handy again later with Serena. I don’t have bad parents, or at least I didn’t think I did. Who knows after what was said tonight about the council, but growing up, they were good to us.
I have no real ‘thing’ that made me like this. It’s just who I am. Other people like hugging, cuddling, and touchy-feely shit, but I don’t.
Well, at least not usually.
The guys are different. It started with Sol; I’ve always been comfortable with him. At first, I thought it was a twin thing, but after a few years of being friends with the guys, I wasn’t so put off by them either. Pike and his insistent need to cuddle or hug used to end in us fist-fighting, but that was only for a few months. Eventually, I learned to deal with it. Now, I don’t even bat an eye when he gets like that. I know it’s the nature of his beast, an instinct and a comfort to him. I might not enjoy it like he does, but I can’t lie and say I don’t find comfort in him now as well.
It’s a different kind of comfort, but it’s arguably more intimate.
Serena was different from the start, though. The night we found her after Harlow hurt her, she was glued to Blair. It took a little while for her to warm up to the rest of us, but once she did, I was just as gone as they were.
I’d just been too blind to see it.
Until Garrett.
Garrett changed everything, and as much as I might dislike the guy, I can’t help but almost feel grateful for him. Who knows how long it would have taken me to get my head out of my ass without him coming around? Hell, I’d wasted years as it was. I don’t want to waste anymore.
I wasn’t lying when I told her I loved her in the library. As much as this half-done bond might be grating at me, I won’t lie and say I’m not secretly excited to have it. Something that ties me to her, something more than just our friendships, something that none of the others have.
What I wouldn’t give for her to come to me right now and ask me to finish it, to be mated to her for the rest of our lives.
She’s fit from the moment she accepted our little group to watch over her and became a part of it. It’s as if she was a piece we hadn’t realized we were missing. I can’t think of a time I didn’t allow her in; there was no warm-up period like there was with the guys. No, with Serena, I was waiting to be let in for the first time in my life, and the second she let me in, I was done for.
I can’t help but smile, thinking about it, about her—the difference in her from when we met to now. Back then, she was jumpy, and we had to work hard to keep Pike off her. One time, he hugged her, and she about lost it. Now, she’s like a completely different person. We all are because of her.
She has no problem standing up to us, calling us out when we’re being assholes—though some of us listen better than others. She’s a lot more comfortable, too, cuddling up with us for movies, climbing on us, and training with us. Fuck, she’s even known to lick or bite us when she feels the need. It’s something I never would have thought I could handle, but with her, it’s normal, expected even.
The bond has only intensified all of that, though. Whereas before, I was more than okay with her silly forms of affection and attention, now I find myself seeking her out.
Shit.
Speaking of.
I find myself standing in front of the library door, my hand resting on the knob.
I know I can’t go in there. Serena needs time after tonight. If she were ready to face us, she would, and I don’t want to push her any further. She’s been dealing with a lot lately. I can only imagine how much it’s weighing on her.
Thinking about all of it and how she must be feeling makes my beast stir and my chest feel tight. I want to go to her and comfort her, and my beast wants it, too.
But no matter how much I might want that, I know I can’t, the same way I know standing here isn’t doing me any favors. I need to find a way to keep myself busy, something that will distract me, even if just for a little while.
I stand with my hand still on the doorknob for another moment before I take a deep breath and force myself to step back, letting my hand drop to my side.
The pull to her is stronger by the day, but bond or not, I won’t let what I want get in the way of what’s best for her.
For now, knowing she’s here and safe is enough. I can feel her on the other side of the door, her presence so strong it’s as if it’s screaming out to me, but I take comfort in it.
