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Can I handle more? Who knows.
I think the better question is, can I handle not knowing?
No matter how tangled my memories might be, I can’t deny I feel a pull to Garrett. I have since the beginning. I’d thought I liked him because he was nice and cute, and we had some things in common, and maybe a little bit because he pissed the guys off. But it’s more than that, and now it makes sense. Some part of me knows him, even if I can’t actually remember him.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.
How do you build a friendship when you don’t remember someone? Yet they remember everything? How can that be healthy for him?
Garrett came looking for the little girl he lost years ago, but I’m not her. I don’t even know her.
“You’re going to give yourself a headache if you keep thinking so hard, Little Rabbit.” Blair’s voice rumbles behind me, pulling me from my spiral.
I knew he was awake. He’s usually up by the time I wake, but I haven’t had the courage to roll over and face him. My life has become one big mess, and it’s done the one thing I never wanted. It put a strain on my relationship with the guys. Now, I don’t know what to say to them, how to act, or if they even want me around anymore. Lyle was pissed last night, but not in his usual way that I can deal with. Sol had been sad and would hardly even look at me. Pike was antsy, and Storm was all over the place, showing more emotion than I thought he was capable of in front of others.
Blair was the only one who still looked at me the same, but he’s like their brother, and if they don’t want me around, I won’t ask him to choose.
I can’t.
“Rabbit.”
I cringe as his hand runs through my hair, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, I feel him scoot closer, until his chest presses against my back as he smooths my hair out of my face.
His touch is calming, and all I want is to sink into him, let him comfort me the way he always has, but I can’t.
“Stop,” I say, my voice cracking as I try and fail to push away all the emotions that war inside of me as I attempt to move away from him. He doesn’t let me get far before his arms wrap around me, pulling me back into his chest with a huff. I wiggle, trying to escape his hold, but it’s only half-hearted. Being in his arms is exactly what I want right now, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him, any of them.
“Serena.”
His use of my name is enough to make me pause, but the strain in his voice has me peeling my eyes open to look at him. I’d rolled onto my back in my struggle. He fills my vision as my eyes adjust to the early morning sunlight that streams into the room through the open window.
Blair’s face is full of concern, but his eyes still hold the same warmth for me they always have, and I feel a surge of happiness knowing he doesn’t think of me any differently. I stare up at him for a moment before I realize his lips are pressed into a tight line, his brows pinched together as if he’s in pain.
“What’s wrong?” I ask in a rush as worry fills me. I try to roll to face him, but his grip on me is firm, and I stay stuck in place against him.
“Stop wiggling,” he says, his voice husky and hardly more than a whisper.
I screw up my face in confusion as I look up at him.
What?
I attempt to roll again, and this time, his arms loosen enough to let me. He grunts as I brush against him, feeling the hard muscles on his chest, arms, and …
Oh.
Oh, shit!
I freeze, unsure what to do. As if I need another reason to be awkward and make every situation harder, no pun intended.
“I’m sor—”
“Don’t, just ignore it. It has a mind of its own,” he says, sounding so serious that I can’t stop the laugh that bursts out of me. His pained look turns into a glare, but the mirth in his eyes lets me know he isn’t really mad at me, and that only makes me laugh harder.
“So glad you can still find humor in things, Little Rabbit,” Blair says sarcastically before he pulls me tight against him, tickling me mercilessly.
Blair and I hide in his room for the better part of the day. Thankfully, I don’t have classes today or tomorrow; not that it matters with how far behind I’ve probably fallen in the last few days, but I try to ignore that for now.
Things with all of them feel strained in a way I’m not used to, and I can’t bring myself to face them yet. Shit, even things with Blair are a little less smooth after this morning, but he pretends like everything is normal, so I try to do the same.
