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Easier said than done when I spend the day in his arms, pressed against him, wrapped up in his scent that used to calm me. It still does, mostly, but now it also feels like it stirs my beast, and I’m not sure what that even means.
First Storm, and now Blair.
All this time, I’ve never even thought of the guys like that, but now it’s as if I suddenly can’t control myself. My thoughts run wild if I let them, thinking of their hands on me and what it could be like to be with someone who I care about, who I could have a connection with that wasn’t just about sex.
“Come on, let’s get you some food.”
Blair’s voice pulls me from yet another inappropriate daydream, and my cheeks heat as I look up at him, standing across the room, drying his hair from a shower.
Gods help me. I need to get it together.
Blair smirks, and I curse my fair skin. No doubt my blush is as bright as ever.
“What are you thinking about that’s got you so red, Little Rabbit?” he asks as he strides toward the bed. It takes all my self-control to keep my eyes on his face instead of following the drops of water running down his chest.
“Nothing!” I answer too fast and cringe as my voice comes out higher than usual.
Nothing says guilty like my body betraying me.
“I um, I just…” I look around the room, trying to find something to say that won’t put my foot in my mouth again. Frantically, I untangle myself from his blanket and get out of bed for the first time today.
“I just need to shower first. Yeah, so I’m going to head to my room and clean up, and I’ll meet you down there,” I explain, throwing my thumb over my shoulder to point to my room down the hall as if he doesn’t know where it is.
Blair remains quiet as he strolls toward me, stopping close enough that I have to crane my head back to meet his eyes. “You can always use my shower, Rabbit,” he says, and something about it feels like more than just an offer to his bathroom.
I step back and stumble over my feet before catching myself and side-stepping around him toward the door. “No! Um, I mean, it’s not a big deal. I can just meet you downstairs in a few minutes. Besides, I need to change, and all my stuff is just down the hall, you know, in my room.”
The words fall out of my mouth in rapid succession. I slap my hand over my mouth to make them stop.
Blair chuckles as he watches me back up to the door but makes no move to stop me. I take my chances with escaping, hoping to keep some of my dignity—what little I might have left.
The second I pull his door open, I’m running down the hall to my room. I make it without seeing anyone else, and I thank the gods when I get my door closed, falling back against it.
Idiot.
I close my eyes, letting my head fall back against the door.
Why am I like this?
I stand like that until my cheeks stop feeling like they’re on fire before I finally push off the door and head into my bathroom.
A cold shower is exactly what I need, even if I hate them.
The cold water doesn’t do as much as I’d hoped. It succeeds in cooling my body, but my mind can’t move past this morning with Blair. No matter how much I tell myself it was normal, just like every other time I ran to him for comfort, I know it’s a lie.
Something was very different, and despite the embarrassment I feel thinking of him like that, I can’t let it go.
I give up on the cold shower and turn the hot water up until it’s almost unbearable, just the way I like it. If I’m going to drive myself insane, I might as well at least enjoy the damn shower; there’s no need to torture myself further.
Being in a house of shifters makes things a little more complicated in terms of sex. I know the guys can smell that kind of shit the same way I can, and while I’ve never really cared what they do, it used to make me really self-conscious.
Used to.
Over the years, something clicked into place with them, and now there isn’t much that we don’t or can’t share. The idea of them having to smell my attraction isn’t something I love, but I wasn’t going to die a virgin because of it, either. Sex is, well, sex, and while it’s not the most important thing, I can’t say I don’t enjoy it, though I would probably like it a lot more if I could find a steady boyfriend.
Most guys I’ve dated swear they don’t mind the guys; they really like me and all that crap, only to ghost me after a week or two. I’d thought the problem was me at first, but I’m beginning to think it’s a guy thing, or maybe just a wrong guy thing. I can’t imagine Garrett would do that if I gave him a chance. Though Lyle might very well lose his mind, it might be worth it because I must be lonely if I’m thinking of Blair like that… Right?
Fuck!
