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“Because it has to,” he agreed. “There’s no other option.”
He squeezed my shoulders before dropping his hands and sitting back down on the bed.
I took the opportunity to steer the conversation to calmer waters as I made my way over to the cheap camp chair in the corner. “So, are Austin and the rest of the band all packed up and ready to go?” I plopped down and brought my legs up to sit crisscross, then started messing with my tied-back hair.
Cody side-eyed me for a moment, but I pointedly kept my gaze down until he fell back onto the bed again and sighed dramatically. “Yup. Aus already put everything that’s not going on the ship into storage—probably alphabetized and color-coded, the anal-retentive shit.” His tone was warm and in total contrast to the harsh words, as was the dreamy smile that slashed across his face at the mention of his new beau’s neurotic tendencies.
Austin was a musician who Cody had fallen madly in love with over the summer.
Austin’s band, Dyse—yes, a gambling pun—had been contracted as the house band for Fortuna’s premiere night club for the summer season, which was now over as of yesterday’s Labor Day party. Cody had gone to just about every one of their shows during Dyse’s residency and had often taken Austin a Kahlua-infused frappe—which was still Cody’s favorite, just more adult now—and had basically demanded that Austin love him.
It had worked.
So well, in fact, that Austin helped Cody get a job on the same cruise ship that the band was contracted with for the next six months so that their relationship wouldn’t have to go long-distance.
Hence the dreamy smiles.
And, admittedly, it was a smart move. My decade-long best friend had more than a touch of ADHD and didn’t always focus well on things—or people—who weren’t right in front of him. Cody’d had a… let’s say substantial series of summer and holiday flings, and I was more likely to remember their names than Cody was.
He’d forget their existence as soon as they left the Coast’s zip code.
I’d gotten to know Austin well enough over the summer to feel confident that he would take care of Cody, which in turn helped me deal a bit better with my feelings about Cody’s leaving. It was all a mildly unhealthy circle of codependence, but that was what happened when you met someone on one of the worst days of your life.
And when everyone else around you seemed to leave without a second thought…
You clung.
But Cody had given up so much for me, altering his entire life so that we could be close to each other. After we met, he started to visit his dad more and more and stayed for longer periods of time. The summer before our eighth grade year, he’d even asked his mom if he could start living with his dad during the school year so he could go to school with me. We’d been inseparable ever since.
Until now.
And it was my turn to repay that kindness.
I wouldn’t desperately try to assure Cody that I was okay—he’d never believe it. I just needed to mask the magnitude of my apprehension from heart-stopping to heart-squeezing.
And I needed to maintain my vow of silence over the events of last Christmas.
There is no way he’d still go if he knew all of it.
And if he did still go… our relationship would be strained and without an opportunity to fix it.
Neither option was acceptable to me.
His BFF senses must have felt my mood shift again, because he turned on his side to face me and propped his head up on his hand and raised his eyebrows at me.
“I’m needy,” I admitted miserably.
Progress, not perfection.
He blew out a short laugh. “You inherited that from me, Cher. You were an independent little firecracker when we met, and now look at you.”
We shared a smile as the memory washed over us, but then Cody’s gaze clouded over, and he sat up. “You know I hate leaving you. Especially so close to your birthday.”
I shrugged. “Twenty-two isn’t a big deal. Last year was the big one. But I do love my early present.” I stood up from my chair and pulled the bottom of my Buffy T-shirt down, showing off its full splendor. “Though I regret to inform you that Grandmother was not as impressed by it.”
He snorted, but his expression still wasn’t quite back to its previous levity. He walked over and took my hand, squeezing it gently. “It’s important to me that you know that you are still the best date I ever had.”
I swallowed back my rising emotions and squeezed his hand back gently. “Does Austin know that he hit the boyfriend jackpot? I mean, really. You’re irreplaceable.” I turned my head away as my nose buzzed, signaling impending tears.
