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“You know we met two summers ago when I worked for them. At first I hated him, but over time he grew on me.” She stiffens and I decide to make this quick. “Anyway, long story short, by the end of that summer, we started sleeping together.”
“Was he your first?” Her voice sounds bitter and I nod. “Mine too,” she tuts. “Go on. The story doesn’t end there. Finish your explanation.”
I can do this and she deserves the truth.
“We broke it off because I found a picture of you and thought he was using me to get over you.” She doesn’t say anything to this so I continue. “And he found out about the connection to you guys, and he knew how much I wanted a family.” My voice cracks at that part and I love him so much more for understanding me on a level that other people never have. “He was actually the one to call your father and tell him where to find me.”
She tilts her head, studying me for a long moment. “And now you’ve reunited and want to be together?”
“Yes.”
She nods slowly and then lays back on the bed, her tired gaze staring at the ceiling as she continues. “First, let me start by saying I’m not mad at you but I am mad at him. He knows better. Second, this relationship is doomed to fail. Trust me, I’ve already been through this with him.”
“I know, but––”
“But we were engaged, Arden,” she says tiredly. “We dated for years. And we couldn’t make it work because of all the family drama. What makes you think you two will be any better off?”
“I never knew his mom. I wasn’t involved in any of that.”
She sits back up, seemingly labored by the process. My news is already heavy on her heart, weighing her down. “That’s not the point. A King and a Laurence can’t be together. You’re going to have to make a choice, same as I did. I choose my family. I choose being a Laurence.” Her eyes fill with tears and heartbreak laces her tone. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t.”
“But I will, and Ethan will be the one to take you away.”
“No.”
“You can’t be with him. You have to promise you’ll end it.”
I shake my head. “Please don’t do this.”
“Listen, Victoria King’s death nearly killed my mother. They were best friends. So imagine how she felt when she found out that her best friend had been sleeping with her husband behind her back? She’s not here to defend herself, so we’ll never know why she did it.” She shakes her head regretfully and I wonder how deep the betrayal feels to her too. She probably looked up to Victoria like a second mother.
“Dad’s fucking lucky Mom forgave him, but it wasn’t without a lot of hard work and a shit ton of tears. If you start dating Ethan, it’s going to bring all that drama right back to the surface. Do you really want to do that to my parents? They’ve taken you in. Mom treats you like her own daughter. Please, Arden, you’re one of us now. Don’t do this.”
She’s right and it kills me that she’s right. I nod numbly, feeling like my entire world is crashing down and nobody understands. When I asked her about her breakup with Ethan, she didn’t seem that devastated by it. Not like I would be to lose him again. “I wish you understood.”
“I do. I know how hard this is for you. I understand better than anybody. I loved him and I gave him up. If I can do it, you can do it.”
But did she really love him? She said their marriage would’ve failed, that they would’ve ended up cheating, and that’s not at all how I feel about Ethan, especially after today. I truly believe that if we were given the chance, we could prove to everyone that we’re strong enough to not only survive but to thrive. We’re good together. I make him softer, open him up, and he makes me stronger, gives me faith in myself. We’re not destined to fail because of ourselves but we might be destined to fail because of everybody else.
“It will be okay. You’ll get over him.” She wraps me into a hug. We’re sitting awkwardly on the bed, our crossed knees pressing together, hugging but I don’t feel any closer to her. I feel so much further away. Miles away. Light-years. I wanted her approval and in my wildest dreams I’d hoped she would take this issue to my aunt and uncle and plead our case. “Don’t worry. You will fall in love with someone else eventually. Someone better.”
By someone better she means someone her family approves of, and what a bunch of shit that is considering she just said I could be in love with the pool boy and she wouldn’t care. I love my cousin, I do, but she let her family obligations change the trajectory of her life and now she’s assuming I’m going to do the same. I’m not her, I am me, and I want to keep this love, even if that means I have to keep it to myself.
Fifty
Ihave his number now and I also have Cooper’s. I made sure to get them before Ethan dropped me off at the gate yesterday and I walked back up to the house. But I also have five people in this house who want to keep me busy during our final days of vacation.
Ethan thinks it’ll be easier to date secretly back in New York. We hate that we have to keep this a secret, it feels like we’re ashamed to be together when we’re not, but we also understand how much is at stake. If we come out with the truth, people who claim to love us will do everything in their power to rip us apart.
Eventually it will come to that, but until then we can pretend it never will.
And maybe we can figure out a way to be public.
Still, I can’t wait until this vacation is over to see him. And he must feel the same because he texts me and we make plans to meet up again. I’m going to sneak away tonight and walk down the beach to a more private area where he’ll be waiting. So all day, even as we lay out at the beach and as we eat our meals together, as we chat and enjoy each other’s company, I know I’m betraying my family because I can only think of Ethan.
But it’s either betray them or betray myself, and my heart is stuck in the middle.
