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I had no actual memories of the man behind the birthday cards and phone calls. Just a voice from random phone calls and the fact that he always capitalized his Es, even at the end of handwritten words like Rayne.
“I feel like I need to do something.” I didn’t want sweets or snacks. I didn’t want to sleep. I honestly felt like I could run a mile, and that was something I simply did not do. I wasn’t a runner. Was I? No. Definitely not.
“This is a good thing, baby. Don’t overthink it. Write him back and set up a lunch date.”
“What’s your schedule this week?” Now that we finally booked an officiant we both liked who didn’t stare at my boob and was also willing to travel to New York, we were pretty wrapped up on wedding homework.
“I fly out on Wednesday, but you don’t have to wait for me to leave. Go meet your dad, baby. You waited a lifetime for this moment.”
I was going to meet my father. Another wave of excitement hit with the sensation of rolling down a hill. “Holy crap. What should I wear?”
“I don’t think that matters?—”
“It’ll be his first impression of me as an adult, Hale. Of course, it matters. The last time he saw me I was smaller than Elara. I’m a thirty-year-old woman now. He might have certain expectations.”
“Maybe put your expectations before his in this case, Rayne.”
I stopped pacing when I caught an edge of skepticism in his voice. “What do you mean?”
“You’re an incredible woman. It’s his loss that he missed the first half of your life. Remember that. The fact that you’re willing to forgive his absence is a big deal. He’s the one who should be trying to impress you.”
The waves of uncertainty dispersed and I smiled at Hale. “How do you do that? How do you always know exactly what to say to calm me down?”
“I don’t always know. But I do realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. I know that I’d do anything to protect you and I’d suffer any injury if it saved you a moment’s pain. I’m happy for you and I hope he’s everything you’re expecting, but I’m also nervous. Most people tend to let us down long before they lift us up.”
I tried to decipher how much of his words were good advice and how much was him projecting his own bad experiences with his own father.
I sighed and returned to the bed, taking his hand. “Hale, your dad hurt you because he was close to you. I’m not saying he had a motive, but that’s the reason why his actions caused so much pain. You trusted him and he betrayed that trust.”
“I didn’t say that to make this about my father. This is your moment.”
“I know. But our situations are different.” I rubbed his hand, because whenever I brought up his personal relationship with Remington, Hale tended to run for the nearest escape. “You work together and see each other every day. Even if you argue constantly and rarely see eye to eye, you two are extremely close. Even now, after everything that’s happened, you’re still closer to him than Barrett or Phina could ever be. My dad’s missed thirty-years of my life, and the ten he had when he called on the phone and sent greeting cards, well, if I’m being honest they weren’t anything I’d categorize as real in terms of what a father and daughter should share. I don’t think it’s possible for us to ever be as close as you and Remington, so I don’t think it’s possible for him to hurt me that deeply.”
He lifted our hands and pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “Just take it slow.”
I knew what he was saying. My dad had a pattern of ghosting. Rejection was like bullet wounds. Getting shot more than once didn’t make it hurt less. Sometimes, repeated injuries hurt worse than the initial ones because the prior damage never fully healed.
“I will. I promise. Right now, I’m just happy to have a reply. If I get another one, I’ll be happy again. And if we wind up going to lunch or even just talking on the phone…” I briefly envisioned what that might feel like and a chill raced over my body. “Well, that would be a miracle. I promise not to get ahead of myself.”
We both knew that was a vow I was definitely going to break, but I couldn’t help it. I waited my whole life to feel this excitement. I didn’t want to shut it off.
Hale kissed my forehead. “Your dad’s going to hate himself once he realizes what he gave up.”
I smiled. I wasn’t looking for retribution or justice. I just wanted to know my father. We straightened the covers and climbed into bed. Hale shut out the lights, but sleep evaded me.
Once Hale passed out, I happily stared at the ceiling, watching a kaleidoscope of visions play through my mind. I saw my dad at lunch sipping coffee, ordering from a menu, laughing at a silly thing I said. I tried to picture him, but his features were always a little blurred. But the more I imagined, the stronger my certainty grew. This changed everything.
I couldn’t envision my wedding day without seeing him there. By the end of the week we’d be drowning in inside jokes and precious moments.
He’d be with me the morning of my wedding day. He’d kiss my cheek and tell me how beautiful I looked and how proud he was of me. I could picture us in the limo on the way to the ceremony, envision our arms lacing together before I set foot on the aisle.
Would we share similar features? Maybe have the same fingernail shape or slope to our noses. I wanted to know what soap he used and smell his cologne—things a daughter should recognize about her dad.
The entire vision felt perfect—right—when so many things had been feeling wrong lately. We would toast and dance, and suddenly I knew my wedding would be the fairytale it was meant to be.
I replied to his message that night and awoke to the beautiful reassurance of his reply. And so it began. On and on, we messaged back and forth until all my insecurities disappeared. My dad was going to be there for my wedding and that certainty healed something huge inside of me—something bigger than I’d ever wanted to admit.
That Monday I flew back to New York. Seraphina had some shoes for me to try on and we needed to have a fitting for the final alterations of my gown. But this trip was more than just finishing touches. This was a trip for new beginnings.
