Page 110 of Lawless God


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Kay… Kay is just revenge. I could kill Kay.

Except I couldn’t.

What the fuck? I’ve only had her for a week. A week. Maybe if I hadn’t spent so long obsessing about her in prison, I wouldn’t feel like this. Maybe if I hadn’t focused my every thought on her, it would be different. I should have gotten a job in the kitchen or the library. I should have played chess with the other inmates. Instead, I spent every single hour of every single day consumed with Kayla King, and now my body thinks it got the reward of its life by having her. I hate her. She took everything from me. But I spent so long thinking about how much I hate her that when I finally saw her again, it was like seeing your idol for the first time. Her being mine feels like the ultimate win.

Rose is speaking next to me. Something about if I hate her so much for putting me in prison, she doesn’t understand why I keep her so close to me.

But all I can focus on is the cold sweat dampening my back and the sickness in my stomach.

Name it, Nate.

I shake my head, slowing down the car.

I meant the things I said to her today. Kayla is a goddess, and she needs to understand that. But she was right too. Her strength and the way she is surviving me is what impresses me. It’s what’s keeping me addicted.

Addicted?

Try obsessed.

Kayla is becoming a passion. Something I want to see everywhere. I want her to be the subject of every conversation I have with everyone. I want to go to rallies in her name. I want to find someone who understands me so we can discuss her for hours like fangirls do about their favorite band.

Oh, it’s bad.

It’s bad, but it’s not love. Because love feels like…like…

“What does love feel like?” I blurt out.

My sister stops her rant, her eyebrows reaching her hairline as she turns to me. I’m crossing the bridge that leads to the North Shore.

“Do you want to answer my question before I answer yours?”

I look at her pointedly. “What was your question, Ozy?” I say impatiently.

“Why are we going to the North Shore?” she repeats.

“Don’t worry about that. Now answer mine.”

A cold smile tugs at her lips. “Don’t worry about what love feels like.”

I hold back a frustrated growl as I speed down the streets and all the way to Kayla’s house. I forgot that when I talk to my sister, I’m basically dealing with myself. And fuck if we have the most unbearable personalities.

I park, slamming my door behind me as I make my way to Kayla’s front door. I open it with my copy of her keys. She doesn’t even know I had that done the moment I walked out of prison.

I stride to her bathroom, the burnt smell annoying me. She’s been living in this shithole with walls that barely hold the roof above her head, and she dares demand to be sent back here.

She needs to be by my side. She needs to understand everything I can give her.

Wrenching the shower curtain open, I finally put my hands on what I’ve been looking for. I snatch her grapefruit body wash, but it’s awfully light. I push the cap open with my thumb, turn it upside down, and shake.

It’s fucking empty.

“For fuck’s sake,” I growl.

I take it with me anyway and make my way out. Just as I’m about to reach the door, I notice a few framed pictures on the shelves by the door. One of them is a family picture.

I grab it, tilting my head to the side. And against everything, I take the frame with me.

Because I fucking know she’ll be happy to have a family picture with her.

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